Dire

Jokes

Anyone want to give head to a horror icon?

I heard a Hessian is in dire need of it.

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Genders are like the Twin Towers.

More complicated than initially reported, and in dire need of futher investigation!

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Dire Straits and Chris Rea are getting together.....

......they are calling themselves Dire Rea.

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I thought my song warning people of the dire consequences of climate change would be more popular,

But apparently there was a flaw in the Al Gore Rhythm I used.

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Did you hear that Dire Straits are opening a cafe?



They take money for muffins, but the chips are free.

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A white collar guy goes to prison

Inside his cell for the first time he sees his cellmate is gesturing for him to come and sleep in his bed. The guy realizes the situation is dire and goes up to the cellmate and says:

"You know why I'm in prison? I've killed men, a lot of men, about 20 men!"

The cellmate smiles at him and says "You also killed me."


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What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap?

I don't need your bad kid knees.

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Dire Straits are looking for an agent in the Middle East..

They should check out Qatar George...
He knows all the Kurds.

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I empathize with the homeless by singing Mark Knopfler's ballads.

They make me feel like I'm in dire straits.

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Why did the Dire Straights have so many Easter decorations?

They got their bunnies for nothing and their chicks for free.

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Why don't Broward County police officers need to use condoms?

Because no matter how dire the situation gets, they won't come inside.

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In an alternate universe, the President...

is given an attache and told not to press the button inside beyond the most dire circumstances.

Instructions nuclear.

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What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

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A theory about Jon Snow... (x-posted asoiaf possible spoilers!)

So here's the latest Game of Thrones rumor I've heard. Evidently, book readers know this. Appearances to the contrary, Jon Snow is not dead, he's just warged into his other faithful companion. Not the wolf, but instead his large, flightless bird.

That's right: his Dire Rhea...

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Did you know, a domestic cat in dire need will move at speeds of up to 120mph?

When thrown out of an airplane.

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In a situation of dire need the domestic cat can move at speeds up to 120mph.

That situation of dire need being freefall toward earth at terminal velocity.

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In a situation of dire need the domestic cat can move at speeds up to 120mph.

That situation of dire need being freefall toward earth at terminal velocity.

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Request: Original joke about being stuck somewhere

Hello people. I am in dire need of a joke about being stuck somewhere. I know it's a broad description, but I am sure most anything will do. Props to it being original. I was hoping to use it in a short film and credit will be given.
Thanks!

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What do you call poopy games with a lot of DLC?

Dire EA



{sorry}

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What do you call poopy games with a lot of DLC?

Dire EA



{sorry}

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Dire Straits Zoo

A little joke I came up with: -

Not many people know this, but after Dire Straits split up as a band, their members went on to open a zoo. I visited it and happened to run into Mark Knopfler. Since I was a big fan of his, he agreed to guide me around.

First Mark showed me a childrens' section full of young domesticated animals like sheep and cows, which he told me wa


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Russia is in dire need for someone else..

to be Putin charge.

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What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state?

One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states.

^badump ^tssss

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This isn't a joke, I'm a Black guy who's in dire need of white jokes.... Give me your best Reddit!

^^^^

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