Desire

Jokes

"There was a young chaplain from King's, who talked about God and such things..."

"But his real desire, was a boy in the choir, with a bottom like jelly on springs."

-Stephen Fry

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Ever since I was young I have had one single burning desire.

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There is a reason why "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is such a well known song.

The desire to sing it is only ever a whim away.

A whim away.

A whim away a whim away.

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Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.
For many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave up. He then advised
Yoss


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I want to see and feel Spain once in my life.

My life regularly fulfills this desire of mine. But it always takes the S away from Spain.

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What happens when a dignified lady is burning with desire?

People will not re-dame her.

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What do you call the desire to over engineer buildings?

A complex complex complex.

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Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.......

......for many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave up. He then advised
Yossel to go ahead and do it, otherwise, he would probably


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My friend says she has a theory on how to drive a man wild with desire. The idea is to nibble on the man's earlobes...

I think it's nuts.

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How to get the body you desire in 3 easy steps!

Step 1 - Go to your local gym.
Step 2 - Find the person whose body you wish to emulate.
Step 3 - Abduct that person.

Now you have the body you desire! Problem solved!

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it wo


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He: I have a foot fetish...


She: An uncontrollable desire to return to the imperial measurement system??

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I overcame the desire for self pleasure...

I just had to ween off

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NSFW I overcame the desire for self pleasure...

I just had to ween off.

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Once upon a time there lived a ravishing Queen with huge tits...

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it wo


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Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.
The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Maria, became alarmed and


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I'm releasing a dating app for people that desire difficult partners.

"Hinder" is out soon.

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Quitting isn't easy.

Watson being a doctor and knowing all well, how deadly tobacco is, tried to convince Sherlock to quit smocking, but all attempts to persuade the detective were useless. He stubbornly kept puffing the pipe. Watson was ready to give up, when one day he had an idea. Sticking the stem up the butt would certainly make it stink bad enough to drive Sherlocks desire away! So, that evening he snuck the pip


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Quitting isn't easy.

Watson being a doctor and knowing all well, how deadly tobacco is, tried to convince Sherlock to quit smocking, but all attempts to persuade the detective were useless. He stubbornly kept puffing the pipe. Watson was ready to give up, when one day he had an idea. Sticking the stem up the butt would certainly make it stink bad enough to drive Sherlocks desire away! So, that evening he snuck the pip


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Teacher: Class, who can tell me what "group necrophilia"means?

Little Johnny: It's a desire to crack open a cold one with the lads.

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Teacher: Who can tell me how to what "group necrophilia" means?

Little Johnny: It's a desire to crack open a cold one with the lads.

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If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

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Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the mango slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.
The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Maria, became alarmed and wan


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I hate it that whenever I ask a girl out she tells me : " Stop harassing me "

It's like I just want to talk, I have no desire to have her ass in me.

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Once upon a time there lived a ravishing Queen with huge tits..

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it wo


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Why do many people with glasses believe in climate change and desire to keep nature clean?

Makes it easier to tell when our glasses are dirty.

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Once upon a time.....

.......there lived a beautiful Queen with large, beautiful, queenly breasts. Gerald the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Gerald revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Harold the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Harold thought about this and


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Hurricane Michael is forecasted to dump 6 inches of rain on my town, and I have no desire to see that much rain...

BUT I’m really excited to see what 6 inches actually looks like.

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A man goes to his rabbi...

He asks the rabbi, "how may I live forever?"

The rabbi responds, "Get married"

The man replies, "Really get married, and that will work?"

The rabbi replies," No, but the desire will disappear"

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A man tells a priest: "I have a strong desire to live forever. What should I do?"

"Get married", replies the priest.
"Really? Will that make me live forever?", the man asks.
"No", replies the priest. "But it will remove the desire".

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Dave worked in a Pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the mango slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up and advised Dave to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Martha, became alarm


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A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity"

"Get married," replies the Rabbi.

"Is that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"Not really, but the desire will disappear."

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NSFW - An 80 year old man wakes up with an erection for the first time in 20 years...

Amazed, surprised, and suddenly full of long lost desire, he shakes his wife awake.

"Honey look! What should I do with this?"

His wife rolls over,

"Well, since you got the wrinkles out of it, why don't you go wash it."

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A Nigerian diplomat, a Saudi prince, a Mexican magnate and Donald Trump are traveling on a plane...

Suddenly, a bird collides against one of the engines and the plane crashes on a desert.

All of the passengers survive, and they start walking towards a random direction together, in hopes someone might find and rescue them.

As they keep walking, they notice something shinning in the distance.

"Don't go" -says the MExican magnate-


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Foot Fetish-

An uncontrollable desire to return to the imperial measurement system.

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Dear Amazon, I bought a toilet seat as I needed one.

Necessity not desire. I'm neither a toilet seat addict nor aficionado. No matter how often you temptingly email me, I'm not to say 'Oh ok so, just one more toilet seat to add to my collection.'

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Do Kardashians turn men into women?

I am an ignorant person and I secretly suspect that any man who spends considerable time in the Kardashian-World will turn into a woman. Why do I believe this? Here's why...

1. Bruce Jenner is no more.
2. Kanye being an African-American will hold on to his masculinity a lot longer than Bruce (It's a lot easier for a white man to turn into a woman than it is for a black


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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. 


One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desir


read more
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There once lived a beautiful queen

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arran


read more
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Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it wo


read more
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I always desire to have sex in a scientist's room.

[deleted]

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Technology is like the woman I desire.

It's moving fast and I can't keep up

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What's the difference between a perverse sexual desire and hi,hi,hi,hi,hi,hi,hi,hi,hi,hi?

One's hentai

The other's ten hi

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What do you call Mario's desire to travel quickly?

A pipe dream.

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When you're single trying to attract a partner it's important to project the qualities you desire

I understand this, but boy, oh boy, have I had to suck a *lot* of dick lately.

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Just a guy on his Harley

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach, when suddenly the
sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because
you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, �


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There was once a starving homeless man near Pyongyang...

This joke has been removed.

Food and shelter are plentiful in North Korea.

To desire more is greed.

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Freud was wrong, I have no desire to sleep with my mom

I'd bang the shit out of my aunt, though.

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A man tells his boss raising his child is a full-time job

His boss responds, "WHAT? YOU'RE LEAVING FOR A NEW JOB, BOB?"
Bob says, "That's right Henry... I'm leaving."
But the joke here is that millions of parents, unlike Bob, have to have two full-time jobs, where their bosses, both men and child, gleefully wring out as many hours from their lives as they desire, in their greedy body parts.


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What was the Sci-fi remake of A Streetcar Named Desire?

InterSTELLLLLLLAAAAAAAR

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