Departed

Jokes

I had to buy a new lawn mower today...

Trump departed my old one. I will miss you Jose.

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I added another line to the classic bathroom poem

As i sit here broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted. Pulled my pants up, the bathroom i departed. Had to sneeze and then i sharted.

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An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the mans wife said that he had departed, the intellectual replied:

‘When he arrives back, tell him that I stopped by.’”

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Liam Neeson to officially end the Taken series with a sequel to both Taken 3 and the Departed

They took his daughter. Then they took his wife. Then they took his wife and daughter again.

But this time they will take all his medicines and pills..

in the SHARTED.

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If the Japanese are so well mannered that they apologised for a train that departed 20 seconds early...

...why didn’t they apologise for WWII?

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Donald Trump goes to the hospital to visit a sick friend. The friends wife stops him and tells Donald that he unfortunately departed.

Donald storms off and angrily shouts “when he gets back, tell him to call the President!”.

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I recently stepped outside of my comfort zone.

In other words, I departed McDonald's.

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What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?

A fart.

dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.

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What did Dido say when Aeneas departed for Italy?

Don't go. Aeneid you!

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An ode to our newly departed OC

[deleted]

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My departed uncle was a circus clown before he passed

I remember all his friends came to the funeral.

 

In the same car.

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A plane departed for Amsterdam

[deleted]

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What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?

A fart.


*dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.*

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Ghosts

A man visits his psychiatrist and talks about being haunted by visions of his departed relatives.

He says "these ghosts are perched on the tops of fence posts around my garden every night".

They sit there and watch me and watch me. What can I do?

The psychiatrist says "that's easy….just sharpen the tops of the posts".


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The only day of the year that gives an order

March 4th

Sorry this was one of my dear departed mother's favorite annual jokes. Just had to share the love!

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My dear departed uncle was a circus clown before he died

I remember all his friends came to the funeral in one car.

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What character will Leonardo DiCaprio play in the reboot of the Departed?

Billy Cast-again

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