I like my coffee how I like my women
Dark, delicate, and shipped to me in a box straight from Colombia
A man was walking around in the dark, when his foot comes down on something long and thin and delicate...
He says "uh oh, what did I just step on?"
"ME OW!" Replies his cat.
An elderly lady is being served at the cold buffet, and the hostess asks "Would you care for a slice of cold pressed tongue?"
And the dear old lady replies, with a delicate shudder, "Oh no, I couldn't eat something like that, not from an animal's mouth...
"couldn't I just have an egg, please?"
Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini
He's hardly sat down before he's finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate she does so. Again Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.
At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says "Three martinis? Before dinner?"
"Jane, you don't understand," s
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new gf's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following n
A boy asks his father what a pussy looks like
The father replies, "Well son, before sex it looks like the most beautiful delicate flower you've ever laid eyes on!"
"Before sex? What about after?" asks the boy.
The father replies, "Well son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"
A delicate corporate matter
All of the 10 Senior Members of the Board of Directors of the Company were called into the Chairman’s office one by one . . . until only Bob, the junior-most Member, was left sitting outside.
Finally it was his turn to be summoned . . .
He entered the Office to find the Chairman and the ten other Directors seated around the Board Table.
He was i
My father always told me that women are like delicate little tulips.
This always confused me, don't they have four lips?
Jim and Bob go golfing...
They're on the 18th hole and the score is close. Bob tees off.
Bob hooks the ball way off to the left where it settles in the rough.
Then Jim tees off and his is a wild slice near some shrubs. They both wander off to find their balls but Jim's is furthest from the pin.
Jim finds his ball and he can clearly see the pin. The only problem is a patch of butter cups
I heard it took at least two elephants to make the keys on my antique piano
I had no idea they were capable of such delicate work.
A woman is like a delicate, Spring flower...
...I have really bad seasonal allergies, so I just tend to get my fix by looking at pictures of them online.
3 men talk about their wives. The first one says: "My wife is like a butterfly, so delicate and pretty". The second one: "Mine is like a baby deer, beautiful and gracious". After a moment of silence the third one goes: "Now that I think about it mine doesn't look much human either".
One day, little Timmy asks his father what a vagina looks like...
"Before sex," his father replies, "it looks like a delicate rose that's just bloomed."
"Oh," Timmy replies matter-of-factly. "What about after sex?"
"Well..." the father says, pondering, "have you ever seen a bulldog eat milk gravy?"
Potatoes are delicate
So my roommate and I decided the other day we wanted to put up a potato garden in our backyard, but there was all sorts of rocks and gravel back there.
We had to be very careful to clean it all up, as you know the old saying, "you can kill tubers with one stone."