Define

Jokes

Mickey Mouse was found murdered.

The time of death was easy to define for the investigators: his big hand pointed up and little hand pointed left.


(OC I think.)

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Define asinine?

I will give her face a five and her asinine!!!

Source: Thanks Jeff Foxworthy!

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I cant define NSFW




But apparent HR knows it when then see it.

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At my exam on religion I was given a multiple choice question to define atheism

Eventually I checked "none of the above."

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Thanks to everyone who helped me define the word 'many'

It means a lot.

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A guy asks Alexa to define "rendezvous"...

Alexa: As a noun, rendezvous is usually defined as an agreement between two or more persons to meet at a certain time and place.

Guy: Spell it.

Alexa: It is spelled, I. T.

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Define: Brexit

GB is acting like the drunken guest, who tells everybody on the party to fuck off, but doesn't go home, because he can't drive anymore.

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Several scientists were all posed the following question: What is 2 2 ?

The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces, “3.99”

The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces, “It lies between 3.98 and 4.02”

The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces, “I don't know what the answer


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Yo mama so fat

Calculus still ain't been able to define the area under curves

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Baby you make me wish I was good at calculus.

Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.

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The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.

-Abraham Lincoln, 1933

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What is the most expensive thing you can fit inside a backpack?

The universe! Just define the inside of the backpack to be the outside!

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I present to you the first bad joke of 2019.

How does a physicist define a woman?

A hormonic oscillator.

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How do most men define marriage?

An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

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Whats the difference between men and women?


They all are factual difference between man and women, believe me if you will think about that surely you will be feel remarkable

On the basis of thinking

Women have a larger hippocampus. This is where we store memories. This is why women can recall Every. Single. Word. of an argument from 5 years ago

Women feel, while men use logic.


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Define relative humidity

Its the sweat dripping off your balls as your fucking your sister!

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Have you ever wondered why letters are used to define bra sizes?

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

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Define Marriage?

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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My English teacher asked to define money.

I responded “something you don’t have”.

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Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the Letters used to define bra sizes? But couldn't figure out what the letters stood for. Well its time you became informed!

\[removed\]

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Radio Brussels gets a call

Caller asks: "Hi, me and my mates were wondering about the meaning of this word. Could you define the word 'chaos'?"


Radio Brussels answers: "We are not commenting on the economical questions of the European Union at the moment."

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Define Homophobic

having or showing a dislike of or prejudice against homophones and homonyms

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A very young girl asked her mother to define couple....

And her mother responded: "well, like two or three" and then proceeds to ponder why her marriage didn't last

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Doctor: are you active sexually?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

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How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a dentist?

Ask them to define the world “molar.”

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Knock Knock

Who’s there?

“I love music, i can describe you the perfect world, sometimes i go a crazy, i can define how to appear good in society”

Nietzsche? Dostoevsky? Enough dude.

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Ive been ridiculed by both sides for not picking an ideology. The very fact that I cant clearly define which way I roll seems to enrages people.

I don’t pay attention to how I put the toilet paper on.

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Ask Siri to define mother when she asks if you want to hear the next one, say yes.

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How do you define someone who only speaks English?

American.

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Why did the bodybuilder borrow a dictionary?

Because he wanted to know how to define muscle.

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What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge?

"Define intervention."


Came up with this today at work.

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My professor asked me to define narcissism

I said "It's the belief you are as perfect and infallible as I am."

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Four people, each of them from different professions, define a

[deleted]

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The Fine Brothers just filed a trademark for the word "fine" and were subsequently asked to define it...

[deleted]

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The Fine Brothers filed a trademark for the word "fine" and we're asked to define it...

[deleted]

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Define "Countryside".

The murder of Piers Morgan
(Credit to the always amazing Stephen Fry.)

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Define the word indefinitely?

When your balls are hitting her arse you are in definitely.

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Define Irony: redditors using the death of reddit as a way to farm karma

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How do you define an asshole?

Downvote to find out.

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Define poor

It's when you have too much of month left than your money

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Funny Definition of communication

Teacher To Student: What is definition of communication ?
Student: I can define only last part of definition.
Teacher: Yes Define.
Student: and this is called communication.

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How do you define a will?

Hint: It's a dead giveaway.

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Define the lecturer

Teacher to Student: Can you define the lecturer?

Student: A lecturer is person who has bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping.

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I can't define "pattern matching"

...but I know it when I see it.

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I can tell when two words go together well to define a new thing.

I call it portmantuition.

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How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person...

Wishing you a wonderful marriage life ahead - [London Darbar](http://www.londondarbar.com/catering-venues.php) banqueting venues and wedding planner London

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A bad math joke I came up with

A little boy sees something way up in the sky and runs to his mom to ask her what it is. She points the boy to his father and tells him to ask him so the boy runs over to his father and asks what is in the sky. The father can't answer either but points the boy to his uncle saying he should be able to help. The boy runs over to his uncle but his uncle doesn't have an answer either and ju


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A student goes up to his professor after class...

A student goes up to his professor after class and asks him to define a dilemma. The professor says "I'll do you one better and give you a perfect example. You're laying in bed naked with a gorgeous naked girl on the right of you, and a naked gay guy on your left. Who do you turn your back to?"


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How do you define a farmer?

Someone that's outstanding in their field.

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How do you define necrophilia?

The urge to crack open a cold one

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