Defendant

Jokes

A female witness is being questioned during a trial

"Did you have sex with the defendant in New York?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"Did you have sex with the defendant in Miami?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"Did you have sex with the defendant in Chicago?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"


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On the first day of Juvenal court, the judge was sitting down to start reviewing the day's cases.

"Bring out the first defendant," He said to the new bailiff. He left, and came back a moment later with young boy who was accused of shoplifting. He was covered in black soot, wore tattered overalls, and over-sized work boots and gloves.

The judged asked the boy why he came to court dirty and ill dressed, to which he replied 'It isn't my fault!' the


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There was once a homeless man in a small town

Everybody knew him, everybody liked him, he never bothered anybody, until one day someone saw him down by the beach catching an osprey and cooking it up, and they called the cops. The cops arrived as he was finishing his meal, telling him "ospreys are protected animals around here. Sorry, but we gotta take you in." At his sentencing, the judge said "we all like you, you're a ni


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Judge: "Do you promise to speak the truth and only the truth?"

Defendant: "No."

Judge: "..."

Attorney: "(what the fuck do we do)"

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A man is on trial for armed robbery.

The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, “Not guilty.”
The defendant leaps to his feet. “Awesome!” he shouts. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?”

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At the bail hearing for Joaquin ("El Chapo" Guzman, the prosecutor arguing pointed out that defendant had shown he was a flight risk . . .

. . . even when he was in prison.

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Why did the defendant orgasm after he was acquitted?

He got off on a technicality.

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Courtroom

Next Door
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts the


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Having been propositioned by a well defined and uptown prostitute one evening, a successful single gentleman agreed to have consensual sex with the young lady for the sum of $500.00.



After the evening ended the gentleman handed the young lady $250.00. The prostitute immediately demanded the balance and threatened to sue if she didn't get it. "That's a laugh!" the man stated, "I'd like to see you try." A few days later the man was surprised to receive a summons ordering him to appear in court as a defendant in a lawsuit.


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Why do the Asian public defenders clients always get executed?

Because he always concedes to the prosecution that his defendant deserves to be rocked up.

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Defendant, explain yourself, why did you rob the bank?

— Hey hey hey, he started it.

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A judge asks the defendant, what is your name?

Mr. Fallcharges your honor. First name Freo.

So your Freo Fallcharges.

Okay thanks, I am going to get going.

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How did the defendant with EDs court date turn out, despite the MeToo movements most strenuous efforts to convict him?

Pretty well actually; they lacked any real solid evidence against him.

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A man is on trial for armed robbery...

The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, “Not guilty.” The defendant leaps to his feet. “Awesome!” he shouts. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?”

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What do you call an insect who is in trouble with the law?

“A defendANT”

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Ellen page humour

What do you call an insect that is in trouble with the law?

“A defendANT”....

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A judge asks a defendant to please stand.

"You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."


From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"


"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."


"Ya cheap sonnafabitch!


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A law joke that isn't a lawyer joke

A man is put on trial for the charge of stealing his neighbor's pig.

After both sides rest, the jury leaves to deliberate, and an hour later it returns.

"Have you reached a verdict?" the judge asks.

"We have, your honor," the foreman says. "We find the defendant not guilty, but he still has to give the pig back."


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Did you hear about the defendant with a litigation fettish?

He got off on a technicality

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Court room transcript

Cosby lawyer:..well there you have it your honor.

Judge: I see, as the jury is set to initiate delegation does the defendant have anything to say? A statement on shame or regret?

*Lawyer turns to Cosby and Whispers*

Cosby: ..uh....Ghost Dad I suppose.

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What do you say to a black guy in a three-piece suit?

“Will the defendant please rise?”

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An alcoholic judge convened court after a long lunch and a few drinks.

The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn’t true. “I’m as sober as you are, your honor,” the man claimed.

The judge replied, “Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.”

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What do you say to a Mexican in a three-piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise.

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What do you say to the Movie Producer?

Will the defendant please rise.

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A man is on trial for murdering his wife...

The judge looks down and reads the charges, "The defendant, Mr. William Jones, has been charged with bludgeoning his wife to death with a hammer. How do you plead?"

Before the defendant can answer a man at the back of the room cries out, "YOU BASTARD!"

"Order in this court room!" the judge says, banging his gavel. "I know this is a horri


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What do you say to a black man in a 3-piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise?

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What do you say to a black man in a 3 piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise?

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What do you call a defendant who won't testify at their own trial?

An inmate.

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What do you call a black guy in a suit ?

The defendant !

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After a long two-week criminal trial in a high profile bank robbery case,

the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes, your honor," the foreman responded. "Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from


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A socialite from an old well-to-do family

A socialite from an old well-to-do family sued her husband for divorce, charging infidelity. When the husband admitted in court he had been unfaithful with a young typist who worked for him. The Judge asked, "How could you betray a woman of your wife's breeding and position with Cheap office slut?" The defendant replied, "Your Honor I'm sure you can appreciate the differe


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The defendant is accused of putting a stick of dynamite into a steer.

Abombinabull.

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Have you heard about the Roman cannibalism trial?

They asked the defendant if he was sorry for his crimes. He said no, he was gladiator.

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A defendant isnt happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: “Where do you work?”
Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: “What do you do for 
a living?”
Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away.”
Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”

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Lawyer Joke....

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant'


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You've killed dozens and robbed hundreds of people using your hammer. What can you say in your defense?

– Defendant! Stop clowning and sit down!

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"I OBJECT!!!" The defendant screams in court.

The judge gives him a very emotional hug and says "no... you human".

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Judge: Do you mix horse meat with chicken? Defendant: Yes, my lord.....


Judge; How much.

Def: 50:50

Jud: Please elaborate.

Def: **One horse to one chicken.**

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Racist joke NSFW: What do you say to a black man in a suit?

"Will the defendant please rise"

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A Defendant in a Lawsuit . . .

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him


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Conversation between judge and defendant....

A defendant isn’t happy with 
how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: “Where do you work?”

Defendant: “Here and there.”

Judge: “What do you do for 
a living?”

Defendant: “This and that.”

Judge: “Take him away.”

Defendan


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Murderous neighbor

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tig


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What did the prosecutor ask the judge when he discovered the defendant forged his passport in order to compete in the spelling bee?

"What is the country of origin? Could you use it in a sentence?"

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What did the prosecutor ask the judge when he found out the defendant forged his passport in order to compete in the spelling bee?

[deleted]

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A lying neighbor

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tig


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What do you call a drummer in a three piece suit?

The Da-da-defendant.

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Warning a bit racist joke What do you say to a black guy in a suit ?

Will the defendant please rise !

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The prosecution's case

The prosecution's case is based on one very compelling piece of evidence.

The defendant is black.

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What do you call a scouser in a suit?

The defendant.

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What do you call a frat guy in a suit?

A defendant

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