Decision

Jokes

My brain, my tastebuds and my stomach were very happy about the decision to eat a lot of spicy food last night. But my butt seems very angry that it was not consulted about it.

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I want to quit my job and start a non-profit organization...

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I was talking to a friend. I said "my wife went on holiday to the West Indies."

He says "Jamaica?"

I said "No... It was her decision."

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I was talking with a friend. I mentioned "my wife went on holiday to the West Indies."

He says "Jamaica?"

I said "No... It was he decision."

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Caitlyn Jenner thought about changing her name...

Caitlyn Jenner thought about changing her name. After some careful consideration the decision was final. Her new name was Amanda. Shes a man duh.

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Did you hear about that decision the Supreme Court handed down without Justice Ginsburg?

It was ruthless.

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My wife is like the President.

My friend asked us to a double date.

I said it was okay but to ask her personally so she would feel like she made the decision.

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Certain religious leaders have been deliberating over new, modern ways to keep track of all their monks.

Apparently, they feel it is necessary to know where each one is at all times, because "disloyal monks need to be kicked out immediately to keep the church pure."

After a news reporter got a tip, they decided to go down there and ask the highest leader about their plans and if they had made a final decision yet.

The leader told the reporter, "Let's just


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Why did the gay man decide to change sexual orientation?

He was so over the rainbow.

(before my mailbox gets flooded, I know: it's not a decision, it just is what it is; and so this is also what it is: some kind of attempt at a joke).

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Whenever someone complains about my large collection of old cds, I always tell them,

It’s my decision. And it’s vinyl.

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Theres only one reason I dont ask out girls who like me.

I don’t date people with poor-decision making skills.

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It wasn't any easy decision, but against all peer pressure, my wife and I have decided we don't want children.

The kids were crying when we left them at the gas station.

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Corporate Layoffs

A department head is tasked with cutting the lowest performing staff member from his team of 16. Sarah is by far, the lowest in performance but hasn’t been with the company very long, while Jack is somewhat of a distant second despite a longer history. The manager decides to be completely open and talk to them both about the situation and see if their response sways his decision. He speaks t


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The wife wanted a new mattress, but I wasnt sure about the decision.

I told her I’d have to sleep on it.

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MTF trans people deserve a lot of credit if they get sexual reassignment surgery.

That decision takes balls.

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I finally splurged and bought a business class ticket...

Worst decision ever. I didn't learn a thing.

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My Dads my Mum

A few days ago my dad (I guess mum now) came out as a woman, so she identifies as a trans female now. I couldn’t be happier for her but it’s really taken a strain on our relationship, like she’s know for a long time but just didn’t trust that anyone would respect her decision. Only recently has she become transparent.


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My Dads my Mum

A few days ago my dad (I guess mum now) came out as a woman, so she identifies as a trans female now. I couldn’t be happier for her but it’s really taken a strain on our relationship, like she’s know for a long time but just didn’t trust that anyone would respect her decision. Only recently has she become transparent.


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James Charles is in no position to turn someone gay. That's not his nor anyone else's decision to make.

Only J. K. Rowling gets to decide that.

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My daughter told me she was a lesbian.

She was very defensive and i guess she assumed that i wouldn't take it well, like they show in the movies.

I told her I accepted who she was and still loved her.

After that she pouted... then said "I'm also converting to ISLAM"

I assume she thought I'd get angry since we are a christian house hold.

I just said "I res


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Trump took the decision to sale grated cheese in America

Why you may ask yourself?
Well... he wants to make America grate again.

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My wife and I reached the difficult decision not to have kids.

Our daughter isn't taking it well.

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How is a circumcised child like a vegan cat?

We all know who's making that decision.

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How is a trans 4-year old like a vegan cat?

We all know who’s making that decision

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My entire family urged me to get an abortion but my grandparents supported my decision.

They are great grandparents.

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My entire family urged me to get an abortion but my grandparents supported my decision.

My grandparents are great.

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Mirror Joke

A mirror was born to an extremely poor family. He went to school, worked hard, and eventually got a full scholarship to Harvard. He graduated with a PhD and started a company. The years went by and his company became hugely successful. Eventually, he decided it was time for him to retire. He had to choose who would replace him as the CEO of the company. He had three advisors, one of which was expe


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It took some balls to make this decision

Im getting a vasectomy.

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My wife and I have reached a decision that we so not want children

If you do please send me your details and we will drop them off.

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Should use this moon stone on my Jigglypuff?

I can't decide, it is such a Tuff decision

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A caliph has to decide when to release two falsely accused prisoners

The great and mighty Caliph Ohnya, on the day of the decision, died of heartache, for the two prisoners were family, and he knew they would want to see each other.

The day he died, his successor declared:
"Caliph Ohnya, rest in peace! Simultaneous release!"

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The pope has recently died...

... in response religious officials from around the globe gather the cardinals to convene and elect a new pope. As per the rules of the Papal Conclave the Cardinals are locked in a cathedral until they make a decision. After a few days and much agitated chatter the doors are opened, and out fly the Cardinals, no decision had been reached.


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How many votes does a Remainer need to come to a decision?

We're still counting.

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Mcdonalds fish

give a man a fish, you have fed him for a day, teach him to fish and you've made a bad business decision, dummy, just sell him fish

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If possible, before making any major decision, jack off . . .

It'll make you cum to your senses. This my friends is called known as '*post-nut clarity'.*

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Harry Kane has announced that his latest round of signing autographs has been the last one.

The most significant influence on the decision seems to be his unexpected contract with Nuneaton Borough Football Club.

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The Supreme Court has ruled green vegetables to be unconstitutional.

Up to 400 million people could be impacted by the decision.

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Any legal experts here?

So there is an expensive international Amphibian Show. You have been preparing for this show all year, and you have one main prize frog and another frog you just have as a backup insuring against the first one being hurt or something. The day comes, but now this first frog gets injured so you are trying to decide in letting the first frog compete anyway, or to use the backup frog. You make the fin


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Did you hear about the cylinder that got his ears pierced?

He wants to get a gauge, but that decision is not absolute.

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I asked my friend why he wanted to be a dermatologist...

...he said it wasn't a rash decision.

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Not having kids was the best decision I ever made

I got no rugrats

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My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

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Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself.

When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.

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I get the appeal of being an anti-vaxxer...

Choosing to "be an anti-vaxxer for life" is a much shorter-term commitment than many other "for life" decision.

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President Trump announces ban on pre-shredded cheese

When asked about this decision, he was quoted as saying "Make America Grate Again!"

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President Trump announces ban on shredded cheese

When asked about this decision, he was quoted as saying "Make America Grate Again!"

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A blonde dyes her hair brown and goes for a drive in the countryside

While she is driving, she stops for a shepherd who is crossing with some sheep.
She asks,"If I can guess the amount of sheep you have, can I keep one?"
The shepherd replies,"Sure, why not"
So the blonde (now brunette) thinks for a while and says,"261"
The number is right, so the shepherd let's her choose a sheep.
She picks the cutest


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I spent a week in the ocean learning all I could from the animals.

When I got back, I spent a fortune on shrimp. It was an eel-advised decision.

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I told my friend how my life's dream is to pee on a homeless person.

My friend told me that this is a piss-poor decision.

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Learning how to pick locks was the best career decision of my life...

It opened so many new doors for me.

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