Deacon

Jokes

A small town preacher stands up in front of his congregation and cries out,

I'm the minister of this church and I make $100/week and there's no way I can make ends meet"

Next the head deacon stands up and cries out.

I'm the Deacon of this church and I make $75/week and there's no way I can make ends meet"

The organist then stands up and says,

"I'm the organist at this church and


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What did the Elder say to the young Deacon?

Keep your Deacon your pants.

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

r/JokesLong
2
I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.
u/FallenAngel113
My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?&qu


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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I quickly replied, "No, Father, that's the name of that fish


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What did the Elder say to the young Deacon?

Keep your Deacon your pants.

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Gerald Posing wanted nothing more then to be a Deacon

It was perfect, right? He could have a family and do good deeds every day. Posing rushed into seminary the second he got out of high school. He studied and he studies, and he was top of his class in every subject. He did not gloat, and he helped people in every way possible. Sadly, on the day of his anointing, Posing died. His friends were heartbroken, as were the professors of theology, so they w


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Help Reunite the Paratesticlease Family!

Harold Paratesticlease was separated from his family at the age of five is desperate for any information to help reunite with them.

Please if you know a Paratesticlease please list their name and info below.

So far we have found:


The Honorable Deacon Paratesticlease

Mrs. Ima Paratesticlease

Major Paratesticlease of the US A


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How are you likin' these sons of bitches?

One day a fisherman in a small town begins to catch a new type of fish in his nets that he's never seen before. Since he wasn't going to waste fish that he'd caught, he decides to go ahead and cook them anyways and see how they taste. To his delight, the mystery fish are quite magnificent. He digs around in his attic for an old fishing book that his grandfather had passed down to hi


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Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure youre prepared for it?

"I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."


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The Deacon

Why did the priest tell the altar boy to clear his room?

Because he wanted to bring the dick-in

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What is the most religious medicine?

The Deacon gestant

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In a church down in south carolina...

There were two old deacons on the church board who really hated each other. When one would vote yay, the other would vote nay. They never agreed on anything. One day, one of them died. As he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates, Peter said "getting into heaven is easy. All you have to do is spell a simple word. Spell 'angel'" The deacon spelled and St. Peter said he was goo


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Preacher preaching to his flock on a Sunday morning.

After his sermon, he gets up at the front of the pulpit and yells to the crowd,

"I am the minister of this congregation and I make $300 a week and that's not enough to live on"

Next the deacon of the church gets up and yells "I am the deacon of the church, and I make $400 a week and that's not enough to live on"

Next the organist


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One Sunday, a priest decides he doesn't want to go to church...

And decides to go golfing instead.

So he calls his deacon to tell him he is sick. The deacon agrees to preach on his behalf.

So the priest grabs his golf clubs. He drives for a while, finding a course where he wouldn't be recognized, and starts playing his game.

He tees up on the first whole, squares off, and hits the ball. To his great surprise, it f


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The cure for stealing

There is a pastor in a small town who is displeased to discover that someone has stolen his bicycle. It is a small town so he does not own a car and uses his bike to get everywhere. But more upsetting is the fact that he knows everyone in town, since they are all members of his congregation, and he cannot figure out who would have stolen his prized possession.

He is still stewing abou


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Talk to the Deacon...

Time for more awful jokes everyone's favourite billion-member strong religious institution; the Catholic Church!
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A large middle-aged man walks into a Catholic church. Clearly in a unclear state of mind, he shakily pulls himself over to the confessional, slides open the door and sits himself down inside the dar


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Local parish

The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job." He says, "You have sinned."

Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went o


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