Dash

Jokes

What is a math teachers favourite game?

Geometry Dash

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What is a math teachers favourite game?

Geometry Dash

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What happens if you microwave a frozen burrito instead of baking it? (Credit: Amazon Alexa)

You dash to the bathroom 30 minutes earlier.

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(You can ask Alexa to tell you jokes, and if you ask "Alexa, tell me a burrito joke," she tells you this one, amongst many others)

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I'm an aspiring music producer. The other day, I got recognized as I was driving around.

They said "Hey, aren't you out door dash driver?!" I gave them their food and drove away.

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I don't normally make fun of somebody's race, but someone has to say it.

FUCK the 100 meter dash. It's just a weaker version of every other race.

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I was disqualified from the 100m dash after the Olympic Committee found ten pieces of Mentos in my bag.

Apparently they don’t allow the use of per-four-mints enhancing drugs.

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Not paying for a meal is called a Dine and Dash..

Surely not paying for a haircut is a cut and run?

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I met a girl at a club the other night amp she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

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Geometry Dash How I quit GD.

“I will be back in 2.2.”

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Ordered takeout from Door Dash and offered the Dasher some fries.

"Nah, I'm good. I already had some"

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The 100 meter dash is just speedrunning in real life

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What did they call the man who won a 200M dash to discredit him?

they called him a raceist

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Got a morse code message the other day: DASH, DASH DASH, DASH DASH, DASH DOT.

It was a loss at sea.

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Did you know 'cyka blyat' is Russian for 'watch out'?

That's what I learnt from watching dash cam videos.

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Did you know that Paul Walker had dandruff?

They found his head and shoulders all over the dash.

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Sex is like the 100m dash

I dreamed about finishing first in highschool and now my dream always cums true.

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If I buy a Prius, Ill make sure to put a bobblehead Yoda figurine on the dash

Then I’ll have a toy Yoda in my Toyota.

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What do you call an English one night stand?

Banger and Dash

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Friend:"I hate these Cryptocurrency peope who always try convincing me to buy some Dash or sth"

Me:"Dude just hodl on."

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Did You Hear About the Duquesne Running Back?

His 40 yard dash was only 4:30 but his vertical leap was 16 stories.

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I'm not racist, but i'll say that some races really are better than other

For example, auto racing is way more exciting than a 100m dash

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Some well-intended people like to use a lot of hyphens in their writing, but not me.

I prefer just a dash

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Im not racist, but some races are simply inherently more important than others.

For example, the presidential race is much more important than some 100m dash.

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Did you hear about the 100m dash?

It was a page turner.

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Today, Switzerland face Sweden in the World Cup. The strategy for both sides is simple:

Dash towards the enemy until they are neutralized.

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The last time I had sex was like the 100m Olympic dash

Surrounded by 8 black men with their loaded guns

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Donate to Messi to help him score a goal in this world cup

The Argentine GoalKeeper dash the Croatians a goal to punish Messi for eliminating his club helsea in champions league๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„3

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A father is meeting his daughter's new boyfriend

He asks: "What are your intentions with my daughter?"

The boyfriend replies "Smash N Dash."

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The 100 meter dash and 200 meter dash...

Nevermind, this joke is two races

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What would an upper-class Kratos say if The Stranger ran at him?

This is Balder dash.

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All in good zest.

A diner once visited a restaurant. After the meal, the waiter brought him a salad. After having the first forkful, the diner summoned the waiter and complained.

Diner: What is this?

Waiter: Sir, it is a salad.

D: What salad is this?

W: Sir, it is a plain salad, with cucumbers, onions, lettuce, beet root and carrots, served with a dash of lime.


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My grandfather got gold on the 100m dash in the olympics and my dad does marathons professionally. I want to be like them when I grow up.

You could say it really runs in the family.

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100m Dash

A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash"

Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"

"No, with 8 black men and a gun."

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Is it OK to hate certain races?

Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.

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What do you do when you have 10 minutes to complete your math test?

Geometry dash

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What's the British equivalent to hit it and quit it.

Bang her and dash.

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3 boys were bragging about how fast their dads are.

The first says, "my dad holds the state record in the 220 yard dash." Second says, 'that's nothing my dad won a silver medal in the Olympics for the 880 run." The third says, "my dad works for the government, and he's so fast that he gets off at 5pm and is home by 3pm every day."


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I dreamt I was being chased by a bizarre sentence with two poorly distinguished clauses.

So I made a mad dash for it.

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Why were 80 of Chicago police dash cams broken?

Because you need to warm up before you kill a nigga.

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A good time

I met a girl at the bar and she said she'd show me a good time. So we went outside, and she ran the 100 meter dash in 10.53 seconds.

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My mixology class is having a cocktail contest, mine's called the Cosby Sweater...

**Cosby Sweater**

+ Mug of hot camomile tea, as hot as you can get it
+ a shot of everclear
+ tablespoon of honey
+ dash of cinnamon

Stir, and leave unattended to cool for 5 minutes.

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I don't see why people dislike racial diversity

I'm getting bored of watching the 100 meter dash.

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What do you call a shaky dash cam?

Daesh cam

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What happens if you take a popular website, add a dash of censorship, and allow the discretionary system of control to be based on the biases of individuals...

[This post is locked. You won't be able to comment.]

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100m Dash

A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash"

Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"

"No, with 8 black men and a gun."

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Did you know princess diana was on the radio during her car accident?

She was also on the dash, windshield and the hood

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Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race?

I've finally turned a corner in my career.

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Which Star Wars character takes the longest during post-production?

Dash Render

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"So you've written here that you're available 9 to 5"

"Sorry, that dash was a minus sign. I'm available 9 minus 5. I can start at 4."

"So why didn't you just put 4?"

"Couldn't spell it."

"Get the fuck out of my office."

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Bandmates

How does a frontman change a lightbulb? He holds it up and the world revolves around him.
If you leave a pair of drumsticks on your dash you can park in handicapped spaces.
The definition of a true optimist? A banjo player with an agent.

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