Damage

Jokes

Fall damage

more like winter damage

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How did my MacBook break?

Water damage.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Yesterday an aircraft hit my house.

When the officer asked about the damage everything seemed plane obvious to me.


I'm sorry.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I like my women like I like my cars

1-2 previous owners, no major damage and a big trunk

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I was driving the other day, accidentally hit this guy in the back. Guy gets out. I see that hes a dwarf. He starts surveying the damage, shakes his head, and says, Well, Im not Happy!

I said, “Well, which one are you?!” And that’s when the fight began.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man drops his phone on a concrete floor. The phone is fine, no damage. How come?

He had it on airplane mode.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

After eating eat meat all my life, ive recently switched to only eating vegetables

I’ve been giving brain damage to all my animals a couple of days before the slaughter

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I was concerned my insurance would not cover the damage a bear did to my car breaking into it to get the picnic basket I left in the back seat.

Luckily, my policy included a bear clause.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

BAN DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!


Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a b


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Theres a study that suggests damage to the right frontal lobe can cause an uncontrollable urge to make puns. My doctor told me that he suspected I may have been born with such brain damage.

I thought it was a lobe blow

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two dinosaurs are involved in a traffic accident. The diplodocus spins off, but luckily comes to a stop on the verge without too much damage.

Unfortunately the Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I just got brain damage from an accident the other day...

Its even worse than I can imagine.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man goes duck hunting at a local pond, he feels the need to relieve himself...

so he leans his shotgun up against a tree and starts to take a whiz, when suddenly a strong gust of wind comes along, and knocks the gun over. The weapon goes off and shoots birdshot into the man's penis.

Later, at the hospital, the doctor gives him the news: "I'm afraid your penis sustained significant damage, I'm going to have to refer you to my sister"


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Weight of Love.

I wish my mother hadn’t held me for as long as she did, I feel like it may have affected me mentally. I vividly remember my father encouraging her to let me play a little more but she was stubborn out of love I guess. When she dropped me off to college on my first day as a freshman, it turned out she had done unrepairable damage to her arms and lost complete use in both. That my friends, is


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If I threw your mother under the bus, which one would take the most damage?

The ground.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It's actually ilegal to be over a certain weight in Japan...

Probably because last time a Fatman was In Japan it cause alot of damage

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Devastating Japanese Virus

Hey, you’ve heard of invasive species, right? Like, species that go into a habitat they don’t naturally occur in and damage it a ton? There was this one fungus that hit Japan in 1945. Hiroshima and Nagasaki took a ton of damage from it, with tens - if not hundreds - of thousands of deaths. It fell from a bomber plane flying over Japan that rerouted from a different flight plan.
<


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Three patients are in intensive care, all lying next to each other in separate beds....

The first man turns to the other two. "You know," he begins, "this place ain't exactly a picnic, but I'd be happy here if only I could take a good 'number one.' I remember when I used to do it, I could produce a torrent so forceful you'd have thought I'd brought a fire hose in with me. Now I'm lucky to get two measly drops out."

N


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Whats 910

No seriously. I have brain damage

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Notre Dame in Paris is burning down

The damage is monumental.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

For PC games, the harder you click the more damage you do.

I need to replace my mouse.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A priest a rabbit and barnacle jim walk into a bar.

its actualllly a big metal bar and they use it to damage jims hole

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A priest a rabbi and barnacle jim walk into a bar.

its actuallly a big metal bar and they use it to damage jims hole

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The strongest part of the body, capable of doing the most damage?

The tongue.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Government is now Warning people of Ear sex.

The government is warning people to avoid Ear sex. Saying

"Ear sex can cause ear damage, pain, and Homosexuals are endanger of hearing aids.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So my neighbor got mad at me after I kicked his son

I told him “What’s the big deal?It’s just minor damage.”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Based on an urban myth: Two guys were smoking weed one late evening

Not being in the best state for great decisions, they figured they wanted to go for a ride to pick up some food. However, as they came to the first roundabout one guy said, let's go for an extra round. Sure, said the other and off they went.

"You know what would be even better?"

"What?"

"Going backwards, of course."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the US?

Agent orange, duh.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I was at the last Damage Plan concert

Mind-blowing

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Pain is temporary...

Brain damage is forever.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call it when two ladders fall down?

Co-ladder-al damage.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a computer with water damage?

Adele rolling in the deep

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is the lesson of Aesop's "The Fox and The Grapes"?

Grow green grapes to avoid damage and loss.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man drops his phone on a concrete floor. The phone is fine, no damage. How come? - He had it on airplane mode. More Jokes at https:www.short-funny.com

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is it called when starvation causes brain damage?

A hungry hungry hippocampus!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Karen walked into a bar...

and a table and a chair, and took my 4 years old with her.

&amp;#x200B;

I couldn't remember anything but had to pay for the damage. So FU Karen!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A little boy was in a bus eating candy, and he kept going at it until...

A man next to him said,
"Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth?!"

The boy replied,
"My grandfather lived for 132 years."

The man asked ,
"Was it because he ate candy?"

The boy replied,
"No, he was always minding his own business!"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Negligent Discharge

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.

He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor.

'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arent peoppe at rfacepalm getting head trauma?

Like seriously though at the rate their facepalming shouldn't they have brain damage and I got evidence of it from a very serious and a realistic source amazing world of gumball where anais gets head trauma from facepalming too much

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My friend told me that storm Diana was on its way from the east, bringing high winds and rain and it could cause a lot of damage.

I told him not to worry as it would probably crash out in France

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the US?

Agent orange, duh.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Phil Swift

“Oh yes!” Phil Swift barbarically grunted as he attempted to penetrate the Flex Tape with his big throbbing cock. However, the Flex Tape was too strong and he couldn’t break through it. Phil Swift then remembered how Flex Tape was no ordinary tape, and how it’s powerful adhesive is so strong, it even grips underwater. Despite realizing his efforts to have sex with the Flex


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You should never hit a women

Property damage isn't cool

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does a gamer say to the stoner after he got his head hit by a rock?

You took blunt damage!!!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A nun sits outside a pub in Ireland...

A man walks up to the pub and is about to go into it when the nun starts shouting. "BEFORE YOU ENTER THIS DEN OF SIN, THINK OF YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER!"

He said back to the nun. "They're dead, they're dead and in heaven"

The nun went for a different tack and said. "Think then! Think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!&qu


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Hertz is the measure of frequency of a wavelength

And the higher the frequency of a wave, the more damage it does to your body. That being said, the more Hertz, the more it hurts.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the Sergeant of the new army recruits, regret buying his own leg insurance?

Because it doesn't cover damage to the private's parts.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Is Hurricane Michael a Chef?

Because it's dominating the pan handle right now.


Honestly though, I hope that everyone down there stays safe and the damage is as minimal as possible.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I would never hit my wife

Why would I ever damage my property?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I would never hit my wife

Why would I ever damage my property?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE