Daft

Jokes

What do you call an emperor that plays electronic music?

Daft Punkpatine

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I have a fond memory of my grandma constantly messing up the old saying there are three people you should never lie to, your lawyer, your doctor, and your priest.

She would use it in sex talks, saying “only three people should ever see you naked, your mother, your wife, and your priest.” I always thought she was a bit daft. Now I realize, she was likely Catholic.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I was making out with this girl..

and we were kissing, getting touchy and as you know one thing leads to another, I slide my hand down her pants and start fingering her, a few minutes in she shouts “OUCH! Would you mind taking your ring off, it’s cutting into me!?”

which I reply “That’s my watch you daft cunt”


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Whats the lyrics to Daft Punks Around The World?

No seriously.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Just been telling my daughter Star Wars jokes.. she says

I have turned to the Daft Side

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did Daft Punk say when they stayed up until midnight to see if their Powerball ticket won?

We're up all night to get lucky

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did Daft Punk say when they stayed up until midnight if their lottery ticket won?

We're up all night to get lucky.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road...

They walk by a dumpster and Paddy finds a mirror and shouts "Mick look at this picture, I've seen his face before!"

Mick takes it off Paddy and replies "Obviously you recognise him, it's me ya daft cunt!"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a stupid beer?

Daft!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Anyone know the lyrics to "Around the world" by daft punk?

I always forget..

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Ellen poe is a daft cunt

Upvotes are on the left

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear the name of Ellen Pao's new band?

Daft Cunt

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

'Hardys, Bitter, Fosters, Strongbow'

Daft Punk ordering a round at the bar

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

'Hardys, bitter, Fosters, Strongbow.'

- Daft Punk ordering a round at the bar

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Just been reading Delia Smith's recipe for scrambled eggs...

Apparently "they should be soft and fluffy." No you daft bitch that means they've hatched.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Avengers must love Daft Punk

They were up all night to get Loki

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I heard the Daft Punk robots are headed to med school

They'll soon be the Spin Doctors

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I stole a jar of jelly from a friend...

While I was blasting some Daft Punk. He chases me down yelling "That's my jam!"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two Irishmen are sitting having a pint

when a Turf truck drives by. The first Irishmen says "When I win der lottery dats what I'm gonna do".
The second Irishmen says "Whats that, drive a truck"?
"No ya daft bastard, send my lawn away to be mowed"!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

As a mark of respect to Lou Reed

I have had his initials inscribed on my headphones.

-Daft Limmy

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear Daft Punk is partnering with NASA to solicit bids from contractors?

They're up all night to get Lockheed.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What are the lyrics for Around the World by Daft Punk?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What Daft Punk song is a hit amongst the hispanic community?

Juan more time!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Yo mama's so dumb

She googled the lyrics for "Around the World" by Daft punk.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE