A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms.
He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.
Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.
The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf- mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.
Judy walks into a dinner party with a much older man.
At dinner, the lady sitting next to the woman turns to her and says, "My, that's a beautiful diamond you're wearing. In fact, I think it's the most beautiful diamond I have ever seen!"
"Thank you," replies Judy. "This is the Plotnick Diamond."
"The Plotnick Diamond? Is there a story to it?"
Once upon a time an evil witch decided to curse a young prince into a bear. The cursed prince sought help from a good wizard, but he refused. Why?
The prince was unbearable.
A young man and his wheelbarrow
A young man was struggling getting a wheelbarrow up a steep hill. When almost at the top the wheelbarrow tipped and emptied all its contents. The young man began to curse in anger. Suddenly, a munk heard his curses and told the you man "You are never going to go to heaven if you curse like that, young man". The man responded "I don't wanna go to heaven, I wanna get to the top
DIARY ENTRY 1: An Owl gets Catfished
Dear diary, it is with much sorrow today that such unfortunate events have unfolded.
For I had waited all-night for her. My unseen love. Perhaps it is the darkness, blinding me.
Well, that's my entire day gone. Curse my nocturnal-ness, curse my fleeting love.
To another night then, goodbye...
My mom doesnt like when I curse.
Cold War Era Joke: This Russian dude had a talking parrot. A very special parrot who loved cursing the regime, and the Communist party leaders. One day, hard knocks on the door, "KGB, open up!". The guy hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB searches the apartment and cannot find the parrot.
The KGB agents give the guy a warning. Once they leave, he runs to the freezer takes out the shivering bird and hugs it and tells the parrot to curse the revolution. The parrot is mum. "Com'on curse Brezhniev , curse the KGB. The parrot looks at the guy and says "I've just been to Siberia! I'm not taking any chances".
What do you call a pain reliever that makes you curse?
I be profane.
Heroin addicts who frequently use the name of god as a curse word...
The best joke in the world
OMG this is too lame that either somebody curse me or some cringe too laugh out
A Chap walks up to Merlin...
Chap - You're Merlin aren't you?
Merlin - Why yes. It's nice to be recognized!
Chap - Bit of a Wizard, I hear?
Merlin - Well Yes. I've been told I'm skilled.
Chap - Do tricks and things ..don't ya.. Magical stuff?
Merlin - Magical ... yes that's correct.
Chap - Turn Kings into Frogs...a
Terrorism is a curse.
What happened to the days when you saw an unattended bag on a train or bus and think: “I’ll have that”?
The United States is always being hit with tragedies and crises like a bad curse...
Just as if it was built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground.
We told the youth at our church that every time they curse they have to do 10 push-ups
So our church is a gym now
If you say God bless you with sarcasm, will it be considered a curse?
I curse at my phone so much that Siri thinks her last name is: F#cker!
I dont drink, I dont smoke, and I dont curse.
Shit. I left my cigarettes at the bar.
My friend asked me about my dislike of fish.
My friend, Joe, asked me about my dislike of fish.
I explained that I believe that eating fish, or even putting it to your lips, would bring you bad luck.
He asked me what kind of fish I thought was evil enough to curse a guy, to which I exclaimed:
“The eel, Joe; kissing dark omens!”
A guy was behaving badly, and as a curse, was forced to say puns for the rest of his life.
I guess you could say he was Pun-ished
My buddy doesnt curse....
Stephen: “Son of a biscuit!”
Me: “I didn’t know biscuits had children.”
Stephen: “Sometimes I guess.”
Me: “How does that work?”
Stephen: “They’re bread.”
A witch put a curse on me and now my penis has a steering wheel
It drives me nuts
I asked a young chap what his life goal was.
He said, 'To curse at people from the top of a mountain.'
'Erm,' I frowned, 'really?'
He said, 'Swear down.'
Anyone who reads this joke will suffer the eternal curse of Pharaoh
I never say curse words
Do you know why Oedipus didnt like using curse words?
It’s because he kissed his mother with that mouth.
I might be the most indecisive people I know
I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse
How are sailors like witches?
They curse a lot.
I'll show myself out.
I am unable to stop swearing no matter how much I try
It truly is a curse.
I tend to curse a lot....
I guess you can call that my curse
Ba dum tsss....
My new year's resolution is to curse lesser. Fuck yes I can do it!
Oh fuck, I fucked up.
This literally the first joke with curse words that I remember knowing.
The boy who didn’t know curse words
There was a boy who didn’t know curse words and it was thanksgiving day. He comes out of his room and sits down with his sister. She is watching a reality show, the actress on the show calls out the actor “you dick” the little boy never hearing that word before asks his sister what does that mean? She frantically starts look
If Christians curse like: Oh my God
Wouldn’t Atheists curse like: “Oh my lack of a god”?
As a foreigner, why do people make fun of the way I curse?
This one guy at work in particular. He's a scumbag, a real piece of fuck.
I dont curse...
She loves and hates that I win almost every argument
My wife said to me yesterday that the way I always look at things from both sides is such a blessing.
I told her that it’s also a curse.
An evil curse
Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words.
One day he met a beautiful princess. She had ruby lips, golden
Why didn't Oedipus ever curse?
Because he kissed his mother with that nouth
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How do ancient Romans curse?
FVCK YOV, YOV IACKASS.
A child's father has fell down the stairs.
-"Mommy, mommy", child shouted.
-"What?" said his mom.
-Daddy fell down the stairs!
-Really? And what did he say?
-Can I use curse words?
-Daddy fell down silently.
A woman takes her husband to see a psychiatrist... (OC) (Clean)
"Things are terrible," she begins. "Every time he opens mouth it's to insult me!"
"How do you mean?" asks the doctor.
"Well, three days ago he said I was too crabby," the woman sniffs.
"HORSESHOE!" her husband suddenly cuts in.
"And the next day, he questioned my faith in Jesus Christ,
A man goes to see a wizard
A man goes to see a wizard and says,
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe..." says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies,
"I pronounce you man and wife."
I understand superposition
It is both a blessing and a curse
Knowing quantum mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
OC, what do you think?
A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby
As she's walking on, the bus driver takes a look and says "What an ugly baby". Shocked the woman asks the bus driver what he had just said, he repeats himself, "mam, that is one ugly baby". Almost in tears now the woman walks to the back of the bus, a man sees her and asks what's wrong. She tells him "the driver called my baby ugly". "He said what?!?&qu
An old man goes to the Wizard
...to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Why is there no black person with Down syndrome?
God doesn’t curse two times.
Upvote this and a curse will shrink your penis 50
Just checking how many redditors are superstitious, male and very confident about their sexual abilities.
A guy was peeing on a tree
When suddenly a fairy appeared out of nowhere.
"Thank you" said the fairy.
"Your hot water saved me from a curse that was cast unto me for being stupid. I may be dumb but I can grant wishes, as a thank you for saving me from that terrible curse I can grant one of your wishes."
The man was delighted as he's been wanting a big penis.
England will win the 2018 world cup, the 2020 euro, then break the curse and win again in 2022
You heard it from me first