Curb

Jokes

I was walking home from school when I saw a boy on the curb wearing rags and cloths. I asked "Are you an orphan?" He said "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said "Your Parents"

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Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb

I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"? He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

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Little Billy is sitting on the curb....

Little Billy is sitting on the curb taking and thumb and squashing ants. Every ant he kills he says “fucking ants, fucking ants, fucking ants.

A priest is walking by and see what Billy is doing. Young man, says the priest all life is precious and has a purpose. If you can give me 3 things in life without purpose I will continue on my way and leave you alone.

Littl


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Saw a kid playing Russian Roulette today.

He was sitting on the curb, seemed kinda sad. Thought it was rather weird how he was playing Russian roulette with all 6 bullets loaded though.

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3 men go to heaven

(context: this heaven is different, very different, your way of transportation is based on how many times you’ve sinned, ex. larger amount of sins = worse car, low amount of sins = better car)

3 men go to heaven, 1 man walks up to God, God asks the man “How many times have you cheated in your wife,” The man looks down in disappointment and mumbles, “6 times si


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My wife and I decided to curb our smoking habit a bit by only smoking after sex.

I havnt touched a cigarette in 10 years and shes up to 2 packs a day.

RIP Rodney.

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Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.

They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".

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Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.

They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".

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3 guys were riding in a car a hardware technician, a systems analyst and a programmer.

The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, he pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.

Hardware tech: "Let's try a


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Stay Stay!!!!!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you h


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2 Strings walk into a bar

Two strings walk into a bar and the Bartender yells, "Hey! We don't serve strings in this bar! Get out of here!" The strings walk out of the bar and sit on the curb. One string says to the other, "Hey I have an idea, do what I do." They go into the street, roll around in the gutter and tie themselves into knots. They walk back into the bar and the bartender says, "Hey


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Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb

I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?

He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."

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ULPT: April 1st is the only day of the year you can call your wife by the wrong name.

Edit: Never-mind. My stuff is on the curb...

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Three boys sitting on a curb...

Three boys sitting on a curb looking across the street at a Porsche, Corvette, and a Mercedes Benz.
The first one says, 'When I grow up, I want to be a football star so I can buy me a Porsche just like that one'.
The second one replies, 'When I grow up, I want to be a famous actor so I can buy me a Corvette just like that one'.
The third smiles and adds, 


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Religion Pat Robertson is on his way to buy some Depends.

As he's walking down the street, he sees a small boy sitting on the curb with a box of newborn kittens. He looks in the box of squirming, mewing kittens, and tells the boy "Those are about the cutest kittens I've ever seen!"

The boy smiles and says "Thanks! They're Christian kittens."

Pat smiles and continues down the street.


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My dad kicked my English tutor to the curb...

He’s very anti semantics!

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A duck was standing on the curb

Cars zoomed past the duck while he waited for a break in traffic. A chicken walked up to him and said "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."

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Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.

They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, “Boy, I sure wish I could do that!”

The other one looks at him and says, “Well, I think I would pet him first.”

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What's the best way to describe getting curb stomped?

sole-crushing

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The New 2016 Clitaurus

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the ‘Clitaurus'.

It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor


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How do you throw away a garbage can?

It's been sitting on my curb for three weeks now.

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Most jokes are like old couches

You put them on the curb, but people keep using them.

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A man went to the vet for advice to curb his racist dog that kept barking at his Asian neighbour.

"Muzzle him" the vet advised.

The man paused, and exclaimed, "could be, he does have a big beard"

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2016 Ford

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the ‘Clitaurus'.


It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.


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This is how good my dog is, LOL.

I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.
—Rodney Dangerfield

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A piece of rope walks into a bar

A piece of rope walks into a bar and and sits down. The bartender says "Are you a rope?" The rope says yes. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here, you're gonna have to leave." The rope leaves and heads down the street to the next bar. He walks in and sits down and the bartender asks "Are you a rope?" the rope says yes and again is asked to leave.


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Which ankle did Spider-Man twist after tripping on the curb?

Ankle Ben.

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So a guy goes into a bar with his dog.

So a guy goes into a bar with his dog. The bartender protests, but the guy says his dog can talk, and proceeds to demonstrate... "Scooter, what's on top of the house?"

The dog says "RUF! RUF!"

"Scooter, who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

The dog says "RUF! RUF!"

The bartender throws the


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A young boy is sitting on the curb...

A young boy is sitting on the curb smoking a cigarette. An older man walks by and notices this, concerned, so he goes over to the boy and asks, "How old are you?"
The boy responds, "8."
The man, who is now shocked, asks, "And you're smoking a cigarette?!"
The little boy says to the old man, "Yeah, but this is nothing. I had sex when I was s


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God decided to visit Earth...

...so He traveled from Heaven to the big city. He walked down the street until he came upon a beggar sitting against a wall, crying.

"What ails you, my son?" asked God.

"I've been overtaken with a crippling disease and I can no longer walk" replied the man.

However, God took pity on the beggar and cured him with a snap of the fingers.


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Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb

I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents."

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In the market for a new car...

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it though,


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Have any you ever tried to throw out a garbage can ?

I leave it on the curb everyday, and its always there when I get back from work.

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My teacher told me to sit Indian style....

So I sat out on the curb with a bottle of whiskey.

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My teacher told me to sit "Indian Style"....

So I went out on the curb with a bottle of whiskey.

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How to get out of a speeding ticket

cop pulls me over and we start into the standard lines

officer: "do you know how fast you were going?"

me: "no in all honesty i don't, see my crack pipe slipped out of my hand and when i went to grab it my gun fell on the gas pedal then the hooker in my trunk wouldn't shut up so i had to start swerving trying to knock her out"

t


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A kid is sitting on the curb with a stick and a can...


A kid is sitting on the curb with a stick and a can, stirring something in the can. The UPS guy walks by and asks the kid what is in the can, the kid replies, “Chicken shit and water.” Surprised, the UPS guy asks what the kid is making, and the kid replies, “A UPS guy.”
A FedEx guy pulls up, and the UPS guy tells him to ask that kid what is in the can and what


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A Londoner driving down the street sees...

a one-eyed, one-legged man with no arms on the side of the road. He stops and thinks he should offer him a ride. He pulls up to the curb, rolls down his window and says,


"Aye! You look 'armless, 'op in!"

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(Old repost) Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb

I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"? He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

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