Cuddle

Jokes

What's the difference between a badminton birdie and 'Netflix amp chill' on a microfiber couch?

One is a shuttlecock, the other's a cuddle shock

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I would rather cuddle then have sex!

EDIT: typo in "than"

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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody

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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody.

unless you are in prison.

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When midgets cuddle,

Is it called tea spooning?

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The Ocean gets its salt from...

...the tears of misunderstood sharks who just wanna cuddle.

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When midgets cuddle,

Is it called tea spooning?

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Unlike some men

I like to cuddle after sex. It can get a bit awkward though when the dead hooker doesn’t cuddle back

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What do you call an affectionate octopus?

A cuddle fish

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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody

Unless your in prison

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Some nights I wrestle with my anxieties...

But other nights we cuddle.

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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody.

Unless you're in prison. That's the worst.

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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody

Unless you’re in a prison.

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What did the introvert say when his girlfriend took his hand and asked him to cuddle on the couch?

"Why must it be a group activity?"

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I'll have a club sandwich on rye.

Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion

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At the end of every sentence, say "I'm a man"

You wake up in the morning

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You dress up

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You shower

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You leave to go to work

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You might this new female coworker

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You hit things off well

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You bring her to your place

-

You watch a movie together

-<


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Best thing in the mornings

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

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All girls want sex.

Us guys just want to cuddle and have a nice conversation.





*Repost from MySpace days*

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Cuddle

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison

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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody...

Unless you’re in prison

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Why didn't Neo ever cuddle Trinity from behind in bed?

Because there is no spoon.

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Cuddling

“I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.”

“Yeah? Me just once.”

“Oh, but wait, I thought you were single.”

“Ah I see. I thought we were talking about your husband.”

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Every day when I get home from work I kiss my front door, then I cuddle one of the walls, and I comfort a few of the windows.

It's a detached house.

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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody

I know my cellmate loves it

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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody...

Unless you’re in prison

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When my wife wants to cuddle in bed, I make her play the big spoon..

That way when she farts, she farts away from me. She’s like my little jet pack.

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For the English majors

I'd rather cuddle, then have sex.

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I'd rather cuddle than have sex

*then

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My new girlfriend just said...

"After an orgasm, I like to kiss and cuddle, then fall asleep in each others arms. What about you?"

I said, "I usually delete my browsing history and throw the tissues away.

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Apparently women like to cuddle after sex.

[deleted]

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a toilet

The toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you dump a load in it.

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My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.

"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

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Feeding your cat and sleeping with men have a lot in common

They only really like you if they still want to cuddle after.

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I couldn't cuddle my pet giraffe

So I had her put down

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Why do robots never cuddle after sex?

Because all a robot does is nuts and bolts.

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I would rather cuddle then have sex.

If your good with grammar you'll get it.

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Women and washing machines

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

Washing machine doesn't want to cuddle after you drop a load in it.

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What do you call a minstrel that doesn't cuddle?

No holds bard.

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What is the cutest car?

A BM-cuddle-U

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I am posting these sexist jokes just to get rid of SpontaneousGal.

Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
Because they’re ugly and they stink.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin’ you ain’t told the bitch twice already.

What do you call the useless skin around a pussy?
A woman.

Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
Because if they pulled them


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Two jews on their honeymoon

are in the honeymoon suite, having practiced abstinence, they really aren't sure what to do. So the groom calls his mom and says, "Mom we're in the honey moon suite what are we supposed to do?" she replies, "Get under the covers boobsies, kiss, cuddle, it'll happen", so they give it a shot and it really doesn't lead to anything. So the groom calls his mom ba


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I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex.

It's the quickest way to deflate her.

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I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex

It's the quickest way to deflate her

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This guy rolls over in bed to cuddle his wife but she tells him she wants to sleep. NSFW

This guy rolls over in bed to cuddle his wife but she tells him she wants to sleep. Unfazed, he gently starts caressing her, touching her, feeling her up and feeling her down. To his surprise she does not offer any resistance but moves ever so slightly under his touch.

"Is this making you horny, darling? Are you waking up?" he asks her.

"I want to sleep, d


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A man wanted a dog...

A man wanted a puppy to cuddle with during the night, so he went to Fresno to buy one. However, he couldn't decide which type of dog he wanted, so he decided to ask the lady for help in choosing the dog.
"Hi, can you help me choose a dog?"
"Ok, which gender dog do you want: male or female?"
"Bitch please."


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What's the difference between a kitten and your wife?

You actually want to cuddle a kitten after you fuck it.

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