Crook

Jokes

A crook robs an old man with gray hair...

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Free Speech - West vs East

A Russian diplomat and an American diplomat are discussing the differences between their two systems.

The American tries to make it easy for the Russian to understand the concept of free speech.

"Anytime I want", says the Yank, "I can walk right up to the top of the steps at Capital Hill and yell, The President of America is a crook and a liar! and no one w


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Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?

He cleaned out every crook and nanny.

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Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?

He cleaned out every crook and nanny.

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What should you do if you get attacked by a German Shepherd?

Take his crook

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The stern Judge vs the coughing criminal in court:

One fine day, a criminal was led into court to face trial; all the while, the man had a terrible cough tickling his throat, which plagued the acoustics of the auditorium every now and again.

Somehow his records got mixed up in the process, leaving the judge no choice but to interrogate the crook in front of jury until making him crack. The crook had a scheme of his own: to badger the


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The manager of a jewellery store nabs a shoplifter trying to steal a necklace.

“Listen,” the crook says, “you don’t want any trouble, and neither do I. What do you say I just buy the necklace and we forget this ever happened?”
The manager agrees and writes up a sales slip.
“You know,” says the crook, “this is more than I wanted to spend. Got anything less expensive?”


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I'm irrationally scared of getting beaten up by a Lvl. 1 Crook

That's how my fear works.

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There was a crook who in jail was forced onto a treadmill for his entire time

It was a run-on sentence.

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Have I heard you speak to the dead?

Have I heard you speak to the dead?


-No.the dead who speak to me ...


-prove it!


- It does not work like that . i can't control it. I can just...wait i hear a voice ... it's your roommate.


-Ah! crook! My roommate is alive. He was sleeping when I went out!


-He said: "you s*cker !!!you


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Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar

he got 12 months

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Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

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Intelligent thief

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.
'Listen,' said the shoplifter, 'I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?'
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.
The crook looked at the slip and said, 'This is a little more than I


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Whiskey business

Two Chinese crooks break into a distillery.

One crook says to the other, "Is this whiskey?"

The other one replies, "Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"

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A crook walks into a bait and tackle store and sees the cashier is blind.

She asks him for a 50 dollar fishing rod, and he walks over and shows it to her. Then she thanks him and sticks a 100 dollar rod into her cart.

But the blind man isn't stupid, and when she rings it up, he feels the rod and he says "that will be 100 dollars for the fishing rod."

the woman is so embarassed at being caught stealing she rips a loud one.
<


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What do you call a clown and a crook rolling in feces?

The US elections.

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A lier, crook, and murderer walks into a bar....

The bartender asks, "What'll it be, Mrs. Clinton?"

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A Crook, a Hippie, and a Bigot walk into a bar...

[deleted]

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So a commie, a clown and a crook walk into a bar...

...no wait, they enter a presidential race.

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$8 Bill

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.

The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

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Police last night raided the Home For Retired Thieves and Au Pairs....

...they proceeded to search every crook and nanny!

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Mistake

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

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$8 Bill

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.

The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change...

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$8 BILL

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

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What is the difference between a crook and a politician?

A crook will steal before he runs,
a politician runs before he steals

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What do you call an elderly burglar's vagina?

A Crook Granny's Nooky Cranny!

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What did the walking staff say when accused of misleading sheep?

"I am not a crook!"

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$8 BILL

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill
instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out
anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for
change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook
two $4 bills as change.

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A Rabbi Joke

"Rabbi Schomburg, I need 200 dollars badly for a down payment", said Cohen. "I keep praying to God for help but he doesn't send any!" "The important thing is not to lose faith", the rabbi said. "Just keep praying." After Cohen left, the rabbi felt sorry for him. He decided to give him 100 dollars out of his own pocket. The next time he saw Cohen the rab


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I fondly remember my dad telling me this one, but i never understood it until recently.

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.

He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.

The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

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A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.

He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"

The scared bartender pleads, "Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!"

The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"

The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don’t shoot; I have a wife and kids! I’ll do whatev


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