I like my women like I like my Potatoes

Cut into tiny pieces and fried to a crisp.

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college...

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially.  When their father

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A very.... punny paragraph

The way that I set up my jokes are really crisp... if I were to join a religion, I would be part of the quavers. I know that’s joke was cheesy, but if you didn’t find it funny, you probably have a chip on your shoulder. Phew... that was a corny paragraph

Why does Thor iron his cloak?

Because he knows what a crisp hem's worth.

I tried listening to caprice 24 in A Minor on my phone but the audio wasn't crisp enough

So I put it in a Paganini press

A Jew walks into a restaurant...

A Jew walks into a restaurant and asks for a medium-rare lamb.

They bring him the lamb, and he says, “I can’t eat this, this isn’t kosher.”

The waiter complies and takes the lamb into the kitchen. Later, he comes out with a new piece of lamb.

“I can’t eat this,” says the Jew. “It is raw!”

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At my dad's funeral, everyone said that he was a very crisp man

He died in a fire.

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even

How do you want your coffee?

Crisp.

What religion is a potato?

A Crisp-tian.

Two guys are about to take a rocket to the sun.

One of the other staff says “are you crazy? You’re going to the sun? You’ll be burnt to a crisp” and they reply “it’s ok, we’re going at night.”

A guy goes into a bar for a drink

He orders a beer and a beautiful woman walks up to him and says, "hey, for $300 bucks I'll do anything you want . . . Anything. "

He raises an eyebrow and replies "anything?"

She nods "anything!"

He pulls out his wallet excitedly and removes 3 crisp $100 bills and gives it to her. Then he says "paint my house."

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Do you ever have poop so hot that it burns you?

This is not a joke my asshole is crisp

So a packet of crisps is walking down the street

A taxi driver pulls up next to it and says “wanna ride”. The crisp replies with “no thanks, I’m a walker”

NSFW High definition

Have you seen the recent high definition 4K porn? The image is so crisp, you can see the dads disappointment.

Why is it illegal to burn money to a crisp?

Cuz then it wouldn't be legal...*tender*

What did one Walkers crisp say to the other?

[deleted]

I don't know why anyone would name their child after a fried rodent...

Feel so sorry for the famous actor, Crisp Rat.

Who is Logan Pauls favourite actor?

Crisp Rat

A crisp was walking down a road

A truck driver drives past and asks if they want a lift
The crisp responds "No thanks, we're Walkers!"

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

Did you hear Jurassic World got shut down?

Apparently they found a crisp rat in the kitchen!

How did King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

I want a whore with herpes.

An 11 year old boy walks into a whore house dragging a dead frog on a sting behind him. He goes up to the pimp at the door, and in a very serious voice says, "I want a whore with herpes."
The pimp takes one look at the kid and tells him to get the heck out of there.
Again, in a very serious voice, the kid says, "I'm not kidding around, I'm serious, I'm no

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How does good king wenceslas like his pizza? (An old classic)

Deep and crisp and even

What's Santa's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

What's Santa's favorite snack?

A crisp Pringle

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

Deep Pan, crisp and even!!

I'm not Black..

I'm tanned to a crisp.

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

*Merry Christmas*

Homophobia Joke

"Mainstream people dislike homosexuality because they can't help concentrating on what homosexual men do to one another. And when you contemplate what people do, you think of yourself doing it. And they don't like that. That's the famous joke:

I don't like peas,

And I'm glad I don't like them,

Because if I liked them,

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Good Point!

An American, Russian and a Pol are sitting in a bar having a few drinks. The Russian stands up and proclaims "We Russians are the best because we were first to send a satellite into orbit!” The American stands up and say's “That's nothing. We Americans were first to put a man on the Moon!” The Pol stands up and says “You are both fools! We Pol's will be

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