Creep

Jokes

Social media often portrays people in a different light to how they actually are. If you looked at my social media record, I would come across as a complete creep.

Which is funny, because often social media portrays people in a different light.

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I'm glad I get called a creep who doesn't listen to women

It means they haven't found the bugs.

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I was going to ask my crush if she knows Radiohead

But I'm a creep

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A pirate can name a bay "Booty Bay" and nobody bats an eye...

But when I name an alley "Anal Alley", suddenly I'm a creep.

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Being a 40 year old man, people started scolding me when I took out my 18 year old girlfriend for dinner

I got called all sorts: creep, perv etc. I have to say, it really ruined our 10th anniversary together

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What's the difference between a submarine weapon schematic and a creep using a VPN browser to see illegal content?

One's a torpedo file, the other's a Tor pedophile.

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What do you call a fight between an extraterrestrial and a nerdy creep with no social life?

Alien vs redditor.

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I get up hills easily on all fours, I go down hills on both legs easily. What am I?

Some creep who goes up hills on all fours.

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I get up hills on all fours easily, and i get fown hills on both legs easily. What am I?

Some creep who goes up hills on all fours.

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So girls can kiss their girlfriends in public and its okay

But I do that then suddenly I am a creep and they call the cops on me?

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You don't actually wash your hands...

They wash each other while you just stand there staring like a creep.

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Attractive women talk to me all the time

They say things like, "Stop following me, you creep! Get away from me!", and,"I'm calling the cops."

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Some people call me a creep who fondles his balls in public.

I just say I'm well adjusted.

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Even after all this time, my ex still answers my messages.

\- And what does he say?

\- Leave me the fuck alone, you creep!

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You ever smelled moth balls before?

Creep. How did you pry it's little legs apart?

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You should stop smoking pot, John

I wonder how many paranoid potheads named John this will creep out

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I did a reddit thing today! Saved a young girl from a creep.

[deleted]

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Xenophobes creep me out

I've never met one, I just know I don't like them!

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Homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge

A homeless man is walking along a road, and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I


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Vladimir was in love with a girl

Vladimir: i really like Yuri bro

oleksandr: i got u bro. go up to her and read her a love letter out loud.

vladimir: idk man will that work?

oleksandr: ye def will dude trust me 100%. bitches love love letters

vladimir: k

Vladimir went off to do it. The next day oleksandr got a phone call from vladimir.

Oleksandr: how


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A man is standing in an elevator with a woman

He asks the woman, "can I smell your pussy?"

"Hell no, you creep" the woman replied

"Oh, must be your feet then"

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A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on...

He approaches a young woman. "What are you doing, creep?" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."

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To defeat Superman, Batman will sneak in Superman's house when he's asleep and dig for any weaknesses.

You could say, he's going to creep tonight.

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Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub, across the road from a brothel...

Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub across the road from the local brothel. As they watched through the window, they saw the Methodist minister creep up to the door of the brothel and slip inside.

"Ah, now - didn't I tell you? They're all a bunch of hypocrites, that lot. Such a shame, a man o' the cloth, giving way to temptation like that."

A few


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Labels In Society

I really hate labels in society. Every action you do and every interest you have has a "category" and you get lumped together with a group, and it's stupid. If I like video games, I'm a "nerd". If I like Starbucks, I'm "basic". If I sneak into your house at 3 am and watch you sleep even though I'm pretty sure you dropped multiple hints, I'm la


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A girl walked by a cemetery

A young woman was walking back home late at night, and she passed a spooky cemetery. She was scared, but tried to be calm.

Then she heard the sound of howling dogs, and it frightened her a lot; she the silhouette of a man in a suit, and hurried forward to him. she looked at him and saw a good looking thirtyish man.

She looked at him and smiled and said: "Sorry to bot


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Why was the sun wearing sunglasses?

So he could creep hard on uranus

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A men in a bar ask a women for sex on phone...

which she replies to, "get away you fucking creep"! The man starts to cry and leave the bar, dropping his saxophone on the way out.

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A man and a woman are on an elevator...

Just the two of them, the man asks the woman, "Can I smell your pussy?" The woman responds with, "Absolutely not! Creep!" With that being said, the man replies, "Well, it must be your feet then."

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Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles?

Because he's a fucking creep

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A girl walked by a cemetery

A young woman was walking back home late at night, and she passed a spooky cemetery. She was scared, but tried to be calm.

Then she heard the sound of howling dogs, and it frightened her a lot; she the silhouette of a man in a suit, and hurried forward to him. she looked at him and found a good looking thirtyish man.

She looked at him and smiled and said: "Sorry to b


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Two Frenchmen attempt to escape a POW camp...

The pair break out of their cells and manage to reach the wire fence in the dead of night. As Pierre scales the fence he stumbles, alerting a nearby guard, who calls out "Who's there?!"

"Meow!" Pierre shouts back, and he manages to creep away.

Now Francois climbs the fence and he stumbles and the guard again called, 'Who goes there?'


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I hate the people who shout "THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN THE DOOR YOU CREEP". Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

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Love lost

A south african prospector goes into a bar and meets a newly arrived w ould be prospector. The newy buys the old guy drink for information. He gets round the important question . What do you do for sex, the old guy gives him a knowing wink. He says what you do is watch out for an ostrich with its head buried in the sand, you drop your pants creep up behind it and go to work. They shook hands and


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Jamaican Holiday

So a man took a trip to Jamaica. He was having a great time. In the morning he enjoyed some world famous Blue Mountain coffee. Around lunch time he tried some ganja, and joined a drum circle. Later that evening he was at a local bar, had some Rum, and a couple red stripes. He made his way to the toilet to relieve himself, when he noticed something odd on the man standing next to him. "Hey, Im


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Jamaician holiday

So a man took a trip to Jamaica. He was having a great time. In the morning he enjoyed some world famous Blue Mountain coffee. Around lunch time he tried some ganja, and joined a drum circle. Later that evening he was at a local bar, had some Rum, and a couple red stripes. He made his way to the toilet to relieve himself, when he noticed something odd on the man standing next to him. "Hey, Im


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How to creep out a mortician

How to creep out a mortician.

1. Go in to pre-plan your funeral.

2. Tell him, "I want my remains scattered over the sunflower fields of Fayetteville."

3. He says, "We can do that. The cost for cremation is..."

4. Say, "Cremation? Who said anything about cremation?"

5. Mortician creep-out ensues.


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I just made this one up: What kind of Internet creep can swim the fastest?

A TOR pedo.

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What is the difference between a creep and a kid?

I wouldn't let a creep sit on my lap.

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A girl comes home to her mother

She walks up to her and says "Mom, a creep in the park today asked me to give him a blowjob for this beautiful necklace!"

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A man...

A man arrives home to see his girlfriend standing in the driveway along with two suitcases and all of her belongings. Angirly she yells at him "I'm leaving you! All the neighbores say your a creep and a pedophile!" The man smiles then replies "Pedophile huh? That's a pretty big word for a twelve year old."


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