Crazy

Jokes

What does a crazy caterpillar create in order to turn into a butterfly? OC

A cuckoo-n!

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How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky? Some of my friends say Loo-is-ville and the others say Loo-ee-ville!

I tell them they're crazy! It's Frankfurt

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An elderly man goes to a shopping mall...

... And decides to sit down for a while in the food court. A few moments pass by and a young man sits a few tables away from him. This young man has a mohawk taller than half of his body and dyed every color of the rainbow. The old man begins staring at the young man and eventually the latter gets aggravated, walks up to the elderly man and asks "Whatcha staring for old man? Haven't you


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Crazy ex girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.

They'll kill your dog

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Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer, the lawyer tells him "Mickey I'm sorry, but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy"

Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy"

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I got a flat tire outside of the Mental Institution.

I wrestled the tire off, but stripped out half of the nuts. "Great! What am I gonna do now?", I spit, angrily.

"Put one on every other lug, then drive cautiously to a place you can get some more." A patient was looking over the wall.

"How'd you know that?", I asked.

"I'm crazy, not stupid."


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A popular barber in my town just got arrested for being a drug dealer.

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They put all sorts of wild patterns on pants these days.

Britches be crazy.

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I am never treated with respect

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One day a child walked downstairs and saw his parents on the bed fucking


Once the parents were done they went downstairs to check on the kid and make sure he was ok



sure enough he was downstairs fucking his grandma



The dad goes crazy and ask what the fuck hes doing



"If you fucked my mother then ill fuck yours"

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I kept hearing some crazy stuff was happening in Hong Kong so I looked it up.

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

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If Christopher Columbus had had a wife, he would have had to hear: - Part I

- That you're going where?

- To find out what?

- And why do you have to go?

- You're an asshole... Or what!

- And why don't they send someone else?

- You see everything round!

- Are you crazy or are you an idiot?

- You don't even know my family and you want to discover the new world!


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Isnt it crazy how many boomers love 1911s?

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What do you call a crazy blood sucking insect?

A lunatick!

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Its crazy how much people love Ford Mustangs

I hear they're a real hit with the crowd

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Sick leave

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A true story about my grandad

I remember we used to think my grandad was autistic or some kind of idiot savant. He left school at 14 with no qualifications, worked for 50 years as a coal miner, never read a book in his life but whenever you asked him anything, no matter how crazy or obscure he always had the answer. Then we got the internet and realised he was just a lying old bastard.


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A man goes to work one day with a VERY noticeable scar on his forehead

One of his coworkers was quick to ask what happened.

"Well" The man replied. "It started this morning".

"It was about 6 or 7 am, I got up fast because I thought I was going to be late, and I banged my head on the side of the bedside table, then I stumbled over to the closet and accidentally slammed into the door"

"And that&#


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My girlfriend got mad at me because I send her my dick pic when she was waiting for an interview

In my defence, saying "I am not a crazy person. I was sending it to someone" didn't work well.

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Why did the crazy man ask the cyclist to run him over ?

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It seems that some bears are prone to unexpected aggression it's a strange phenomenon that I have been documenting. Why just the other day I had a docile grizzly bear suddenly snap and charge me.

Thankfully I had grabbed her cub right before she went all crazy and we both made it to safety.

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China invented a pen that vibrates when you wright a wrong answer on a test





That pen and I would be dancing like crazy during exams

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A soldier walks into a bar and says he's out of money but he defended your freedom to sell beer so you should let him drink for free. Barman says ok lets see about that. Would you defend us if thousands of alligators came this way?

Of course, with my life if needed!

Would you defend us against terrorists with napalm? No doubt.

Would you defend us against a drive by shooting? He turns up the thick wood tables and goes kind of crazy, yes like this I would.

Would you defend us against profiteers who start the wars? Hell no, they pay for half our equipment


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It's crazy to think that we have scientists that can make hamburgers out of plants. These possibilities are just...

Beyond meat

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Im going to freeze myself at a temperature of -273.15 degrees celsius.

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I never said Minnie Mouse was crazy.

I said she was fucking goofy.

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Daughter: "Mom, Dad, I'm pregnant."

Dad: grabs a knife

Mom: "Are you crazy? She's our fucking daughter!"

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A guy and a girl are getting hot and heavy in the backseat of his car

The girl whispers "You know...if you put it in the other hole...I think I would really like that!"

They guy says "Are you crazy? You wanna end up pregnant?"

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My friend wrote a book

It was titled, "Making your OCD go crazy

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Hey gurl, are you Area 51?

because there are tons of crazy rumours going on about you and upon further research, it seems like they might actually be true.

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"I'd rather watch Trump's speeches than be molested by my crazy mother"



Trump's mump dumps trumps dumb mum's rump humps

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What's ten inches long and drives women crazy?

Stillborns

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Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 
So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed, but one venue offered him a gig for next Saturday night.
 
Bob, disap


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There was a crazy knockout in the ufc last night

The guy was talking alot of shit before the fight so I'd say he's Ben Askren for it

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So some crazy golfer snapped and stabbed a Mexican guy...

It was a hole in Juan.

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What happened to Bruce Wayne when his parents died?

He went bat shit crazy.

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Ran into a friend who went out drinking, said he took a bus....

I asked if he had fun. He said man it is crazy driving a bus while your drunk.

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A psychiatrist asks for a second opinion from a colleague

"I have this crazy guy in one of my wards, he likes to eat teacups. Have you seen anything like this?"

"Wait, does he eat the handles too?"

"No, that's the curious thing, he leaves the handles untouched."

"Well then he's definitely crazy, the handles are the tastiest part!"


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What do abortion doctors and most cod players have in common

A crazy high K/D

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What stat does Big Sean hold over Steve McNair?



Any guesses?

>!Answer: number of bullets dodged from a crazy bitch.!<

>!Yes Big Sean also plays QB #88.!<

>!R.I.P Big Air McNair , July 4th 2009, 10 years gone!<

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I will tell you what makes me crazy

Me

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There were 2 guys locked in a lunatic asylum, one night they decided they didn't like that very much.

They decided to escape. They make it up to the roof and just across this narrow gap they see a rooftop stretching across town, stretching to freedom. Now the first guy he jumps right across, no problem, but his friend? Oh no, he's afraid of falling. So the first guy, he has an idea, he says "hey! I got this flashlight with me. I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings and y


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My Russian friend has a scary name

We live in Berlin and one day we were supposed to meet next to the train station. I saw her from far but she couldn't see me.

So I decided to call her through the crowd:

- Alla!

People got crazy and started running away in panic.

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Yo mama so crazy...

Jeffrey dahmer told her she needs help

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Some crazy asshole cut me off while driving to work this morning.

I damned near spilt my cereal all over the book I was reading!

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Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is

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I'm afraid that my chauffeur has a mental illness.

He drives me crazy.

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Yo mama so crazy

she make carnage seen sane

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Guys walks into a psychiatrist's office

He goes, "Doc, you have got to help me. My brother's crazy, he thinks he is a chicken". Doc says, "why don't you bring him in"
Guy goes "You know, I would, but I need the eggs"

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Im terrified of kidnapping...

...because they’ll wake up energetic and crazy.

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