Crash

Jokes

What did Crash Bandicoot say after he was laid off?

How will I tell my family?

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Are you a bandicoot?

Because I would crash for you.

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Why did the polish helicopter crash

The pilot got cold and turned off the fan

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Just saw the wonder bread truck get in a crash

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Cash Cab

Do you ever think Ben gets drunk on bailey's and turns the show into the "Crash Cab"?

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I don't like 911 jokes

They have a tendency to crash and burn

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As breaking news emerges that the Met Police decided not to investigate claims that Prince Andrew had sex with Virginia Roberts, we get more tragic news.

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I nearly lost my wife in a car crash.

If only I'd hit her car harder.

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Sad news today as Willie Nelson was killed after being hit by a truck.

The crash happened while he was playing on the road again.

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The highway where they filmed Final Destination 2's crash scene is the same highway that's being used to film the Sonic movie.

Explains why Sonic looks like a crash and burn.

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In light of the multiple recent crashes of its airplanes, Boeing announced a revolutionary new aircraft design made out of rubber.

Now, it won't crash. It'll just go, Boeing Boeing Boeing.

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Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him im married now..

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After the latest plane crash the FAA is considering reintroducing smoking and non-smoking seating sections

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Did you hear about the eight parachutists that died in a plane crash?

I’m not kidding. Very sad.

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How often to airplanes crash?

Usually just once.

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I don't like to joke about 911

Because they all tend to crash and burn

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I found out my aunt has cancer

But it's ok, she died in a car crash before it could take her.

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What was the name of the Native American that died in a car crash?

Drinks and Drives

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A car crash survivor wakes up in a hospital.

He asks the doctor: "Where are my legs?"

Doctor: Unfortunately... they were lost in the crash

With a sad face he asks: "Is... my penis still there?"

Doctor: Yes, it is.

Patient: What does it have tatooed on it?

Doctor: the letters K, E and T

The patient starts crying.

Doctor: No,no, it�


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Two blonde police officers crash their patrol car into a tree...

After a moment’s silence, the first blonde says to the other, “Wow, I think that’s the quickest we’ve ever got to the scene of an accident.”

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Did you hear the Speaker of Parliament was in a car crash?

He was really fucked up, eyes to the right, nose to the left

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a plane crash. Who survives?

America

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How often do planes crash?

Just once.

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Conversation about forklifts racing because they crash: How embarrassing would it be to lose at something and get a load to the face at the same time.

Well that’s also most sexual experiences for girls so

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Pilot and the Plane

One day a plane was flying from New York to Los Angeles and the pilot fell asleep in the middle of the flight, tilting the stick forward and causing the plane to dive straight down towards the ground. Everyone in the plane was freaking out as they knew this would be the end of them since there was no way to survive. But instead of ending in a horrific crash, the plane just went “Boeing&rdquo


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Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

He's all right now.

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I dont like making 911 jokes...

They have a tendency to crash and burn

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As tariffs increased due to the escalating trade war, Apple threatened to take its business away from a Chinese MacBook factory unless they absorb all the tariffs.

Out of fear, the Chinese factory agreed to absorb the tariffs. But the manager clearly saw that the profits would shrink quickly and go negative soon.


The factory took a drastic step- they fired most of the adult workers and replaced them with kids with half-pay. One such kid was an 11-year-old boy named Ying Li. Ying's job was to test the MacBooks for flaws- he would pres


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What do politics and airplanes have in common ?

You need both right and left wings, or you crash.

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Two police officers crash their car into a tree.

After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

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Jim Morrison is in one corner of a hotel room with the rest of his band, and in another corner are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr. All are naked.

Monica Lewinsky walks in, squats seductively in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the pink oboe. She gives him the presidential treatment, then moves on to his guitarist, drummer and keyboard player.
When she’s finished, she licks her lips and wanders over to John Lennon and begins to do the same to him.
At that moment, there’s a huge crash and Michael Caine smashes


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Red amp Blue were widely known as the legendary traders of the stock market and best friends since they graduated from college.

Red was the more daring of the two, never backing down from a risky investment. He used to excel in bull markets. Blue on the other hand, was a little bit more traditional, always the voice of reason. Put together the couple dominated the stock market both nationally and internationally.

Together they traded for years to create a vast amount of fortune. Red used to trade super agress


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Whats the difference between a plane crash and cat shit?

One is a catastrophe. The other is a cat ass trophy.

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How do you treat a woman like a princess?

Put her in the back of a car and crash it into a Parisian wall.

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Taxi driver

I work as a taxi driver. Instead of getting cash, I get cRash!

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Taxi driver

I work as a taxi driver. In stead of getting cash, I get crash.

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An air crash

An air crash occured yesterday. A light plane, Cessna 172 has crashed into a cemetery. The authorities have dug for 20 hours. 300 dead and still counting...

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A gay man and a lesbian woman get into a car crash. Both die at the scene. Who makes it to heaven first?

The gay man.

He already had his shit packed.

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A man survived a plane crash on a deserted island.

He was the only survivor of the crash, so he was the only one on the island. While he was on the island, he built his own hut.

When a passing ship saw his hut, they went onto the island. The man greeted them, and he showed them around the island. However, the crew noticed two other houses.

“If you are the only one on the island, why are there three houses?”


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Interviewing for a man who can see the future at investment bank

If you could see the housing crash coming years in advance as you claim, you could see my foot coming at your nuts, you liar.

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What happens to the crew when a red pirate ship and a blue pirate ship crash into each other?

They get marooned.

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The two main reasons I don't joke about 911 are

1. They're offensive

2. The jokes often tend to crash and burn.

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One day, a farmer heard a loud crash from the road outside his home.

He ran out to investigate, and is surprised to see a young boy looking dazed next to a cart carrying a load of fruits. A wheel had fallen off, causing it to crash. The farmer ran out to help the boy. "Boy," He asked. "Are you alright?" The boy nodded, and the farmer sighed in relief. "That's good. Why don't to come to my house? Have a drink before carrying on?&q


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People always say the show Lost had such a great pilot

Then why did the plane crash?

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This one is long

So a couple are driving down a road and the wife says,”I want a divorce”

The man keeps driving

The wife continues,”Your a great guy, but I have been cheating on you”

The man is silent

The wife gets mad and says,”Do you have anything to say!?”

The man says,”Nope, I have everything I need&rdq


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I yelled "Cow!" at a woman riding a bike. She just looked at me and gave me the finger.

Then proceeded to crash into the cow that was on the road.

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I dont like 911 jokes

Cause they usually crash down and burn

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Its been a year since my wife and kids tragically died in a car crash because of a selfish drunk driver

At least nobody asks me to drive them home any more

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What do you get when you take a bunch of English to a American Southern Barbeque?

.....A bunch of Australians! .. 2 toms and a crash fall from a cliff..... is it hot in here?. Like Australia? .....

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People actually make a lot of 911 jokes

I guess it's just most of them have the tendency to crash and burn

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