Cover

Jokes

What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman?

One is on the cover of Playboy and the other is on the cover of National Geographic.

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Dont judge a book by its cover. Why?

My maths textbook had a picture of someone having fun on the front.

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Dont judge a book by its cover.

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Why would Bret Stephens make an excellent spy?

Because as a bed bug, he is usually under cover.

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Need help for kidnapping

If I kidnap a Chinese, can I cover up his eyes with laces?

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Q. What do you get if you cover your favourite feline in a mixture of sugar and egg white and throw it out to sea?


A. A cat-a-meringue

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Ben, Dan and Carl were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state.

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Why do ducks have feathers?

Answer:

To cover their butt quack.

As told by my four year old nephew - that kis is going places.

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Oh mY GoD, CovER yOuR ShOulDerS, thEy'Re sO ScaNdAlOuS I'm tOo dIsTrAtEd To WoRk!

Thanks, my mom made them.

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A joke that my dad tells

Dad: Hey if you ever buy a gun make sure to cover it in jello first

Me: Why is that?

Dad: Because if a cop stops you you can say that you have a conjealed carry license

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My girlfriend says she's sick off me pretending to be a detective, she says we should split up.

Good idea, we can cover more ground that way

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Whats does Donald Trumps hair and a thong have in common?

They both barely cover the asshole.

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How do you make a cat woof

Cover it in petrol and light it on fire

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What does Donald Trump's thong and hair have in common?

They both barely cover up the asshole.

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Taking a neighborhood walk one day, a man comes across another man in the middle of the street jumping up and down on a manhole cover

...and with each jump he calls out "21! 21! 21!" Repeatedly. Finally, after growing annoyed watching, the man on the sidewalk offers, "It's 22, you know. The next number...?" Manhole guy "21! 21! Yeah, I know. 21! 21!"

Sidewalk guy watches a little longer. "Why are you even doing that...?" Manhole guy: "21! 21! Because it's fun! 2


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A man and his wife are driving down the road when they hit a baby skunk.

“It’s still alive!” The wife exclaimed, looking back at the poor skunk.

“Alright, I’ll just go back and hit it again, put it out of its misery,” the husband replied.

“No don’t, it’s just a baby! We have to call the vet!”

The husband waits patiently while the wife gets out to talk to the vet.


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What did the underwear say to the hat?

You go on a head, I'll cover the rear.

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My girlfriend said, "You act too much like a detective . I want to split up."

"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

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What do you call a cop in bed?

An under-cover cop

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A man is at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident.

He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face, says:


"Sir, I have very bad news. We did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'


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One day a donkey fell into a well.

...
The farmer couldn’t get him out, so he knew he had to cover him up. He called in his neighbors, and they all started to throw dirt down the well, but instead of burying the animal, the donkey would shake the dirt off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, the pile of dirt got so high that the donkey stepped over the edge of the well, got out and he ran over and bit the farme


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What do you cover yourself with at night that can keep you hot and cold?

A bipolar blanket

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Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quack.

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I ran for cover when I saw a sailboat getting too close to shore

It looked ready for a tack

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Did you hear about the cover band, "999 Megabytes"?

They haven't gotten a GIG yet.

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So a guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident.

He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.

Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."

Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have


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What does Donald Trump hair and a thong have in common?

They both barely cover the asshole.

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GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a Detective. I think we should split up.

Me:

Good idea, we can cover more ground that way.

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Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks!


(courtesy of u/grey-fire)

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What do you call it when an ISIS member runs for cover?

100 metre Daesh

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The wife told me she couldn't take my pretending to be a private eye shtick any more. She want's to split up.

Good idea Karen, we'll cover more ground.

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A blind guy rang my doorbell

When I opened the door he told me, “You should really cover up those windows” and handed me his business card.

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A bald spot is like a lie...

...the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.

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3 men are sent to hell...

All of the men are like "Why am I in hell when Satan arrives


Satan: You will now come into my kingdom for eternal torture


Man 1: Wait, I didn't do anything bad during my life, isn't there some way I can get into heaven?


Satan: Well, If all of you three can withstand 10 whips to your back then I'll let you go. I'm


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How people handle rain

They bless the rain in Africa


In the land down under, you better run you better take cover!

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If you are looking for a slutty halloween costume

Dress as a professor. They barely cover anything important.

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Three spies, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, were captured in the alps and sentenced to death by firing squad.

First they brought out the brunette and stood them against the wall.

"Ready," called the sergeant, "aim..."
"Avalanche!" yelled the brunette.
As the soldiers ran for cover the brunette escaped.

Next they brought out the redhead and stood them against the wall.

"Ready," called the sergeant, "aim..."


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If you masturbate to a nude female celebrity that's actually wearing a fake hairy vagina cover...

You've been jerkin your gerkin to a Merkin.

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I was concerned my insurance would not cover the damage a bear did to my car breaking into it to get the picnic basket I left in the back seat.

Luckily, my policy included a bear clause.

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I was born around Saudi. I remember a couple things.

The first thing is that every woman had to wear a face cover, so only their eyes were visible.

The second thing is that I always lost my mom in grocery stores.

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What did the penis say to the condom

Cover me im going in!

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A rabbi and two priests decide to go skinny dipping

After they get out of the water some girls come towards them. Being naked and without enough time to get dressed the priests cover their dicks with their hands and the rabbi covers his face.

After the girls pass them, one of the priests asks the rabbi. "Why didn't you cover your privates?Have you no shame?"

The rabbi answers "I don't know how you


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How far would you see if you had a 12 inch penis attached to your forehead?

You wouldn't see anything because the balls would cover your eyes

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Yesterday my girlfriend and I walked past a rabbi

I told her to lower her Oyes and cover her hair with a Veyl

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A mom and her daughter got stuck in traffic.

NSFW

Out of the blue, a naked man jumped on their windshield, wiggled his junk, and ran away.

Shocked, the mother manages to cover her daughter's eyes just in time.

Daughter: Wow mom! What was that???
Mom: Ehh…nothing, dear. Just some bugs.
Daughter: No way mom. I don’t remember any bugs having huge dicks like that!


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Why do birds have feathers?

To cover their butt-quacks.

..dad jokes for life!

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In Soviet Russia Russian and US man stuck in elevator

Russian cannot hold anymore and start shitting in corner. US gets sick from smell and started smoking to somehow cover it up. Russian still while shitting yells at him : “You know we do not smoke in elevators in Soviet Russia!”

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What's similar between a thong and Donald Trump's hair?

Both barely cover the asshole

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Trump says he doesnt do cover ups.

What he doesn’t do is Melania

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The Exceptional Goat

The founder of Microsoft had an exceptional goat. Unfortunately, someone left the pen open and this goat set out to wreak havoc in San Francisco. Luckily, the only damage was to a storm drain cover. The media is calling it Gates'-Great-Golden-Gate-Goat-Gate-Grate-Gate.

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