Corner

Jokes

While driving to work today, I saw a huge cheesecake...

Around the next corner was a large trifle, followed by an apple turnover. There were no cars. It seemed to me the roads were strangely desserted.

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Somebody told me that if you look at the symbols in the corner of a map and see the words "Bloody Rosemary," something horrible will happen.

But that's just an herb in legend.

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Somebody told me that if you look at the symbols in the corner of a map and repeat "Bloody Rosemary," something horrible will happen.

But that's just an herb-in-legend.

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The reason there is no Wal-Mart's in the middle east.

Because there is a target at every corner.

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A T-Rex and a Velociraptor are sitting in a bar

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How do you fool an idiot

-Put him in a circle room
-Tell him to sit in the corner

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If youre cold you should stand in the corner.

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Your mama is old...

She used to share a corner with Mary Magdalen.




(Came up with it while camping with my folks. Can't believe I said that outloud, I'm church going, born again Christian lol)

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What do you do when someone tells you theyre cold?

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Rodney Dangerfield

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said "Are you Louise?" She said, "Are you Rodney?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."

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Back to school is around the corner. You know what that means? NSFW

It's open season for students in the US of A.

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Back to school is around the corner. You know what that means?

It's open season for students in the USA.

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Back to school is around the corner. You know what that means?

It's open season for students in the US of A.

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Back to school is around the corner. You know what that means?

It's open season for students in the USA.

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How do you confuse a blonde?

Put her in a room full of shovels and then tell her to take her pick.

AND.... Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

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A man went to prison. LONG

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Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench smoking cigarettes when it starts to rain

One of the ladies reaches into her purse and pulls out a condom.

"Helen! What in the world is that for?!" says the other lady.

"Well, just watch this" Helen says before she cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette. "This way they don't get soggy!"

The second old lady is pretty impressed and walks right down to the cor


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If youre ever feeling cold...

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Heres a picture of me with REM

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A guy gets thrown out of a bar.

He walks around the corner, enters the same bar from a side door, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender says "Listen, Frank, you had too much to drink. That's why I threw you out. Sorry, I can't serve you!"

The man grumbles, gets up, goes outside, walks around the corner, comes in the side door, and sits down again. The bartender repeats, "how many t


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A drunk gets thrown out of a bar.

He walks around the corner, enters the same bar from a side door, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender says "Listen, Frank, you had too much to drink. That's why I threw you out. Sorry, I can't serve you!"

The man grumbles, gets up, goes outside, walks around the corner, comes in the side door, and sits down again. The bartender repeats, "how ma


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Just found out that i'm really good at escape rooms

Apparently if you have a panic attack in the corner they let you out early

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OC Bill the Bassist

Once upon a time, Bill the Bassist applied to play for The Bilders. They turned him down, though, because he did too many drugs.

After a while, though! he cleaned up his act, applied for a job on the Rolling Stones, and was accepted. Everyone said, "We never thought you could do it!"

This just goes to prove, the stoner whom The Bilders rejected, has become the c


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If your ever cold

Just stand in a corner their usually 90 degrees

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I made one up.

Guy goes to the Doctors

"I have this problem.. I keep seeing cream cakes in the corner of my eye! I look and there's nothing there! Wtf is going on?!"

"Nothing to worry about" Doc replies

"It's just your profiterole vision"

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Your mom is so stupid

She told me to meet her on the corner of 'walk' and 'dont walk'

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A man walks into a bank

He's accompanied by a broker. The man asks to speak to someone about making a large deposit, so the banker sends him straight to the boss.

"Good morning," says the man, "I'm here to deposit $40,000.

"Well now," says the banker, "how did you acquire such funds? We like to keep a clean note system here."

"Not to


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I just had a photo taken with REM...

That’s me in the corner!

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Got my picture taken with REM last night.

That's me in the corner...

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What's it called when you see desserts out of the corner of your eye?

Profiterole vision

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Three potatoes were standing on a street corner.

Which one was the prostitute?

The one stamped "Idaho."

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Did you hear the one about the drunken crap?

It was sat in the corner steamin 😂😂😂

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God promised to put obedient woman in every corner of the world.

Then he made the earth round and laughed and laughed

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The clerk at the corner store asked if I work for Citi (cuz I was wearing their shirt)

I replied, “I do and I’m sorry about the interest rate.”

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Create Your Own Fun

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a name, he glared at me, and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him


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If the average human can walk about 3 mph, and my local corner store is a 14 mile away

Why has it taken my dad 15 years to get a pack of cigarettes?

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The truth-talking dog


A man had built great wealth, touring the globe with a truth-talking dog.

A friendly local thought this was too good to be true and paid the $50 entry fee to see for himself.

As he entered, the dog started immediately:
“Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon”
“The square root of nine is three”
“France is in Euro


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How can you tell you need a new hairdresser ?

The pile of swept-up ears in the corner.

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Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

The party invitation says to come dressed as an emotion. After a day of deliberating, they all agree to meet at Sven’s place before going to the party. Just before Sven is about to put his costume on, there’s a knock on the door. Outside is his girlfriend, Hilda, who’s dressed head to toe in bright green scales and a flowing emerald dress.

“Oh gosh, Hilda. You


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A man walks into a bar and on every wall is a bulls head, so he walks up the asks the barman "What's with all the bulls heads?"..

"Ahh in my younger years I was a great bullfighter and these are my trophies" he replies
Then the man notices an enormous bulls head "Wow that's huge" he says "Ah, el diabolo that one killed my brother" says the barman
"Was he a great bullfighter too?" the man asks..
"No he was sat in the corner and it fell on him"....


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I told my wife I was cold

She said go sit in the corner, its 90 degrees.

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Jim Morrison is in one corner of a hotel room with the rest of his band, and in another corner are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr. All are naked.

Monica Lewinsky walks in, squats seductively in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the pink oboe. She gives him the presidential treatment, then moves on to his guitarist, drummer and keyboard player.
When she’s finished, she licks her lips and wanders over to John Lennon and begins to do the same to him.
At that moment, there’s a huge crash and Michael Caine smashes


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A young man in his early 30s was walking down the street one night.

When all of a sudden a leprechaun appears. To the man's delight he asks the leprechaun where the gold is? The leprechaun replies:
"at the end of the rainbow".
"But there's no rainbow and it's night time". The man says annoyed.
"Then I'll play a game with you. The first one to get to the end of this street to the next block wins.&quo


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My wife put a dirty plate on the corner of the sofa

I picked it up and said "Not a great place to leave this Wife"

She said "This Wife"

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"Dad it's so cold in here"

"Go stand in the corner."

"Why?"

"The corner is 90°"

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A woman was watching a drunk imbibing dry martinis at a cocktail bar...

The drunk drowned the contents of each cocktail glass at one gulp, daintily nibbled and swallowed the bowl, then finally turned the glass over and ate the base. The stem he threw into a corner. The amazing gustatory feat went on for half an hour, until a dozen stems were lying shattered in the corner, and the drunk chewed and swallowed enough bowls and bases to start a glass factory. He suddenly t


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Request Joke with a super mentally broken monk

So basically I'm trying to find a joke where there is a new monk who asks the head monk to go and reread the ancient texts in some caverns because no one has questioned it in thousands of years and with all the copying there must be something wrong at some point or another. The monk reluctantly goes and no one has seen him in 3 weeks so the other monk goes and the head monk is crying and cowe


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My wife and the hooker...

My wife of 5 years had put on just a little bit of weight recently and I wanted to encourage her to become fitter. I took up jogging hoping she’d join me on my runs but she didn’t take to it immediately. Nevertheless, I continued doing it every evening and like clockwork,I would run past this extremely attractive hooker on the same street corner that would shout “ $100 to make yo


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A guy walks into a bar and hears incredible piano music

He looks over and notices that the pianist is only 12-inches tall, so he walks over to the bartender and asks him,

“Where did the owner find a 12-inch pianist?”

“He said that that man over there,” he points to a man in the corner of the bar, “that man can grant you like, one wish or something along those lines.”

“Than


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What's green, sits in the corner and cries?

The Incredible Sulk

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