A man gets pulled over by a policeman.
Policeman: You were going 68 in a 50 zone, I will have to write you a ticket.
Man: Alright, just make the number a little cooler so we can laugh when the judge reads it.
[later in court]
Judge: How the flying Frick did you go 420 in a 50?!
Tough decisions for bosses...
An old man always leaves his fishing trips with tons of fish.
-my recently deceased grandpa told this all his life-
The game warden always asked him “How’d you catch so many fish?”
The old man would always say “Fisherman’s secret, can’t tell you.”
After about a year of asking, the old man finally agrees to take him fishing. As the two get in the boat, the warden notices t
Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming
Would be a lot cooler if he did
Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water-cooler gossip than memos.
which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work.
You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day?
Going to the beach on a winter day.
Conversation around the water cooler in Chicago....
Boss: I'm headed up to Canada for a week.
Underling: Why, the only things to come from Canada are whores and hockey players!
Boss: I'll have you know my wife is from Canada!
Underling: Really?! What position does she play?
Bob and Frank are standing by the water cooler...
(A quick note: my Dad's health has severely declined the past year. Over those months this sub has been my go-to source for something that would bring at least some glimmer of amusement and mirth to what have been some terrible days for him. He died a few days ago and I wanted to say thank you for all the jokes that helped him along all this time - so, appropriately, here is my all-time fav
When I was younger I loved wafting sightly cooler air towards people
These days I'm less of a fan.
Someones getting fired
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people: Mary or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both decent workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Mary came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to
Business had been terrible and was not picking up.
I had to fire somebody and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because both were super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Friend: I dont believe in global warming.
Me: It would be so much cooler if you did though.
I dated a teacher in high school.
Yeah, it didn't make me cooler... and a lot of you are like "well that's because you were home schooled."
High on high speed
Cop: i pulled you over for doing a 68 on a 55.
Me: dang, 68? Can you make that number a little cooler so i can hear the judge read it outloud haha.
[Later in traffic court]
Judge: how were you doing 420 in a 55?
One day co-workers Alice and Bob were talking over the water cooler. Soon the conversation turned to Alice's husband Walter and his plans for the future.
"He's up for a promotion, but he's kinda screwed. He'd be moving up from the mail room to a position with some management responsibilities, but he never actually graduated college and that's usually a requirement. They like him though, so there's just one course he has to take and get a good grade in and he'd be eligible.
"It sucks because it w
Yeah Frieza was cool...
But his brother was cooler.
An executive was in a quandary.
He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to two people, Mary and Jack. It was a hard decision to make as they were both equally qualified, and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning, whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Mary came in the next morning hung over from partying all night. She went to the water cooler to get some wate
Why are physicists still considered "not" cool...
When Thermodynamic entropy is getting cooler all the time?
If anyone says they're hotter than you,
Just remember, that makes you cooler than them.
When someone dont believe in global warming
Be a lot cooler if they did
What did the ice cube say to the glass of water?
I’m cooler than you
I got pulled over by a cop the other day.
Cop: “You were going 68 mph in a 55 mph zone!”
Me: “Damn, 68? Could you make the number a little cooler so I can hear the judge saying it out loud?”
Cop: “Sure, whatever.”
[Later in traffic court]
Judge: “How the hell were you going 420 mph in a 55?!”
Cop: You were going 68 in a 55
Me: Dang, 68? Can you make that number a little cooler so I can hear the judge saying it out loud?
Cop: Sure whatever
[Later in traffic court]
Judge: How were you going 420 in a 55?
NSFW So I went to my gay friend's BBQ.....
Hamburgers were good, cooler stocked with beer, everything was great. *Hotdogs tasted like shit tho*
What's the difference between a Yeti and the Serengeti?
The Serengeti is usually warm, whereas the Yeti is a little cooler.
Work refrigerator jokes
I’m running out of puns for the office fridge clean out. I used to be cooler.
A guy is finished building a computer, but it doesn't seem to work.
He is distraught. He swears everything was done correctly. RAM was in the right place, SATA cables were connected, albeit a bit messy. He was on the verge of tears. So he calls his friend. His friend comes over, and realized that he forgot to put his CPU in. He puts the pins in the socket, makes sure it's secure, and admires the beauty of AMD ryzen. The cooler is strapped
I think there's nothing cooler than being a lone wolf
Except at wolf picknicks when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races
Im a saiyan dad. Its like being freizaa
What Have I Done? (Long)
I was 16 back in high school, beta virgin with very few friends. A new girl came to school, she was like a 6/10 and had frizzy hair and really long bird-legs. Everyone made fun of her calling her “Birdy” “Big Bird” “Bird Legs” etc.
I saw her at lunch one day all by herself, I mean even I have friends to sit with, I felt really bad for her so I buil
I like frieza from dragonball
But his brother is cooler.
What's lamer than a lemon but cooler than a cucumber?
I think there's nothing cooler than being a lone wolf.
Except at wolf picnics when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races.
I dont like frieza
His brother is cooler
Whoever coined the term "wet nurse" missed a golden opportunity...
A cooler name would have been utili-titty.
An Italian, German, and Pollack are walking through the desert
The Italian is carrying a paper bag, the German is carrying a cooler, and the Pollack is carrying a car door.
The Italian looks at the German and asks, "Wern, why are you carrying a cooler?" He replies "In case we get thirsty!"
The German then asks,
"Luigi! Why do you have a paper bag?"
To which he replies "I broug
Did you hear about the company that turns anything into a miniature refrigeration unit?
They make everything a little cooler.
What did the paranoid beer cooler say to the bartender?
Are you stocking me!?
A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond...
...and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn
Frieza is cool
But his brother is Cooler
Johnny goes fishing with grandpa
Little Johnny and grandpa head out onto the lake to go fishing. It’s a warm day and grandpa turns to Johnny and says “Will you reach in to the cooler and grab me a beer?”
Johnny grabs a beer from the cooler and hands it to grandpa. Grandpa takes a sip “Ahh, so refreshing!”
“Hey grandpa, can I try a beer too?”
What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?
"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."
When someone says they dont believe in global warming
Be a lot cooler if you did
What's cooler than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
What is cooler than being cool?
A masked man breaks into a sperm bank...
Waving his gun, he yells to the woman minding the front desk "open the vault!".
"Sir, this is a sperm bank"
"Shut up, lady! Just do as a I tell you!"
The woman begrudgingly goes in the back with the masked man and opens the cooler full of sperm specimens.
"Open one up!" He yells.
"But sir \-&qu
Whats cooler than being cool?
My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...
It was a huge mist opportunity.
Two men were talking by the water cooler...
One of them says to the other: You know the secretary? I took her to my house yesterday and we were up at it all night. I think she's better then my wife.
The next day the other man goes and says: You know what, you were right. She is better than your wife
Lots of people like to brag about driving electric cars.
But what’s cooler than having a car that runs on DEAD FUCKING DINOSAURS‽