Dude on the beach

There is a California dude going through a desert. He's wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman. He's having a good time. Suddenly he sees a caravan approaching. He stops the Arabs and ask them cheerfully: "Hey dudes how far is the sea?" They look at each other and say: "Two thousand miles!" And he says: "Wow what a cool beach!!

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Mist is just clouds trying to be cool

Living in Switzerland would be cool,

The flag is a big plus.

Anyone feel a cool breeze today?

Last night during sex, my boyfriend said that Im really fucking tight

Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool.

Dads are cool

They never tell you they f*cked your mom

Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool.

Did you hear about the hipster that drowned?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

Do you have a girlfriend?

The Amazon rainforest fire isn't cool

Because It's fire

Water Gate was pretty cool.

But 9/10 conspiracy theorists prefer Colgate.

One time, I was in a record store called Drag.

I found this record that looked cool, and I was really hoping it was Debussy. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a Queen record.

Long story short, I wanted Debussy, but it turned out to be a Queen in Drag.

Wasted talent

Everything that went extinct before the ice age was a hipster

They were dying before it was cool.

I got this really cool Mickey Mouse watch. It shows the time very clearly.

The dial is really really handy.

Need something cool to say because you just slipped and fell? Yep, gravity still works!

My relationship is like an iPad. I don't have an iPad.

Can we cool it with the Epstein jokes already people? I mean christ, the man had children.

Locked in his basement.

My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him

calling his mom a whore. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

we had some drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

Wife asked me to take out a spider instead of killing it...

So I did, hit a few bars, dude is cool, wants to go into web design.

My wife asked me to take a spider out

My wife insisted on taking the spider out instead of killing it

We went and had a few drinks, pretty cool guy. Wants to be a web designer.

Why are stadiums so cool?

Because they're filled with fans

With all the news going around, shooting up things really isn't cool.

Take it from me, a recovering heroin addict

Did you hear about the hipster that burnt their tongue?

They ate pizza before it was cool.

Two starving dudes were walking in a desert

The Big Joke:

Facebook:

Big but not Reddit cool.

My friend Adam stopped moving, and I asked him if he was cool...

I was talking to a random guy in an airport bar yesterday.

He seemed like a random asshole at first, but as two hours passed he seemed to be a cool guy. I asked him what his job career was. He said nothing at the moment, but he used to be a priest. I asked why he got removed from the job. He said he molested a child. I thought he was a cool guy but I couldn't really keep in touch with him because of what he does.

All that jesus bullshit

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Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.

Last night, my Girlfriend told me to Turn the light off and stick it in my ass

Maybe I should’ve waited a few minutes for it to cool down?

I hope to have kids one day. If I have a son, I'll name him Freon...

He's gonna be so cool.

Saw a woman frantically eating ice cubes earlier.

Absolutely perplexed, I asked her what on earth she was doing. She said she was worried about her baby due to the heat, so was eating ice cubes to cool the baby down.

Luckily she calmed down when i explained the baby will be at womb temprature.

Me at the clothing store, with mom

Mom: *looking at shirt*

Mom "hey this one is pretty cool, dont you think?"

Me: "Yeah, if you want to look like an idiot!"

People need to cool with the FaceApp age filter...

It's getting old.

People need to cool it with the whole FACEAPP age filter.

It's getting old.

My refrigerator and I have a lot in common.

Cool, but broken inside.

Whats warm when youre mouth is wide open, and cool when youre mouth is just slightly open?

Guess for the answer!

The answer will be revealed in time.

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cool and fresh

A German Shepherd once bit my ass

He apologized later. Besides, he had a really cool Alsatian too.

What is a hippie?

The pee before it was cool.

Why was the stadium so cool ?

It was filled with fans.

It'd be cool if Jesus was like a new code-name for Heroin...

Bunch of people addicted to taking the lord's name in vein...

My first time doing stand up...

My girlfriends nephew was 12 at the time and wanted to be a comedian, so I asked him for advice before my first stand up. He said:

“Sure! Here’s a joke for you... last summer I went to dynamite camp...”

- Oh cool!

“... yeah, I had a blast!!”

- awesome! Did you learn any jokes?

“😓 you gonna bomb&

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Have you ever heard of the Bose-Einstein condensate?

It's pretty cool.

Why are rockstars so cool?

Because they have a lot of fans.

Why does everyone want to hang out with the cool kids?

Because they want self validation.

You wanted a joke huh? Time for some real talk

What do you cool someone in the hoods favourite pasta dish

A spaGhetto