Control

Jokes

Doctor

According to mythology, Chiron was half horse, half-human, as well as a doctor.
He was the original Centaur for Disease Control

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Space monkeys

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!”

At that the


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What do you call it when a group of dogs take over control of a ship?

A muttiny

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Finally got Control for the PS4!

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I'm a white person who will at least mutter everything he reads for some reason.

You have no idea how much self control I need scrolling through r/BlackPeopleTwitter

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Demon: I saved someone from getting murdered today.

Lucifer: Wait, you saved someone? how?
Demon: Self-Control.

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Why do women take birth control pills before sex?

To gain inert ass configuration

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To the people who want gun control

Please try to turn down your sensitivity first

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Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired?

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V

V
Crap my control button broke

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I don't understand why feminists protest and fight for abortion rights

Aren't their personalities enough of a birth control to prevent pregnancy?

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If you don't want kids, when should you use birth control?

At every conceivable opportunity.

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If you don't want to have children, be sure to use birth control at every conceivable opportunity.

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There's a new men's birth control pill that's about the size of a marble. Don't get discouraged though, you don't have to swallow it or anything, you just put it into your shoe

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Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

She couldn't control her pupils.

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I recently went to get hypnosis therapy for smoking. I was under his control and everything was going great.

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My roommate was playing a video game last night and when he died he completely smashed his keyboard...

yeah, he definitely lost Control.

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Everything's under control.

This is the worst keyboard ever.

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What's the difference between incoming and oncoming?

Birth control

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I dont support abortion.

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American gun control

What a joke

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What key does the control freak New Yorker hit when he wants to go back?

He's tappin' Zee

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Did you know there's a word for people who rely on pulling out for birth control?

Parents.

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The recent mass shootings reveal that our gun control laws are too strict.

Nobody shot back.

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Chiron, being half horse and half human doctor

was a centaur of disease control.

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Why does California have so many earthquakes

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My wife and I have been together for 69 years

Still when we are intimate, I have to teach her proper gum control.

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A country in the middle east faced an uprising and the military had to take control of the government

They say the country's under Mash-allah

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What does a NRA Member say when asked about gun control after the latest mass shooting?

"I'm sticking to my guns."

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Today I stopped a woman from getting kidnapped

My brother: Really? How !?
Me: By self control

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I still remember the very first time I ever saw a Universal Remote control.

I thought to myself, "Wow! This changed everything!"

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Remote.

The invention with the television & years prior with a device called the Remote Control. If it was so remote how would you find it & how can you control it?

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A man goes to the doctor.

Man: "Doctor, I have this problem."

Doctor: "What is the issue?"

Man: "Everytime I'm driving with my friends, we go through this tunnel, and I just can't control myself. I freak right out."

Doctor: "Sounds like you have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

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Me- I saved a girl from getting raped today

Friend- Wow, how?

Me- Self-control

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I think I might be a Kleptomaniac.....

Should I take something to control it?

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Bought a universal remote controller the other day and i was very disappointed that it did not in fact control the universe.

Not even remotely.

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If the Bible was to be summed up in one sentence it would be God created a man and a woman ...

... and then promptly lost control of events.”

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I got fired from my summer job at MampM quality control

I threw out a batch of W's.

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How do you prevent a rape ?

Self-control.

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Telepath: I can control you mind. Me: I bet it's just a hoax. Telepath: Perhaps.

Telepath: You just thought of a cow.

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" I stopped a woman getting kidnapped today"

Friend : "how?"

"Self control"

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I hope you understand this

Knock knock

Who's there?

Control freak.

Con-

Okay now you say control freak who

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I prevented a rape today

How, you may ask?
**Self Control**

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Dinosaur joke

What do you call a dinosaur who can control thunder?


Brachio-thor-rus


Sorry I thought of this and had to share, to find out if I had read it here or if it's the rarity of an original-ish joke

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Keep Your Heartbeats In Control!

When a wife keeps her head on husband's chest & slowly asks...

"Dear do you have any woman in your life other than me"?

Remember,
the answer is
not important at this time

Important is
The heartbeats..

Keep your heart beats in control..!!

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I misunderstood what I was applying for and ended up at a quality control factory for hummus.

Not what I meant when I said I would "enjoy watching a chickpea."

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What did the boron control rod say to the nuclear core before prematurely exploding ?

Just the tip.

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The Remote Control.

The clerk told me the price after ringing up my purchase.

As I fumbled through my purse looking for my CC, she noticed a remote control in my purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me"

"So I turned on The Oprah Network and put the


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I had a trans friend

She transitioned from male to female. She took a big risk and went on a trip to a country where being trans is a crime. She looked like a woman but had a rather deep voice, but she was good at disguising it and was careful to do so during the trip. Unfortunately someone told her an offensive joke and she lost control completely. She went to jail for manslaughter.


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Just found out that my old math teacher was cross-eyed.

They could never keep control of their pupils.

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