Continue

Jokes

A Republican and a Democrat are walking down the street. They come upon a homeless beggar.

The Republican reaches into his pocket and pulls out twenty dollars

handing it to the man.

The Democrat is impressed by his fellow's unexpected generosity. They continue down the road and soon come upon another beggar. Not wanting to be outdone, the Democrat reaches into the Republican's pocket and pulls out fifty dollars for the man.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Donald Trump personally assured me that he did not collude with the Russians.

And he will continue to do so.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife gets really mad when I tell her that I love u

And continue the sentence with v w x y z.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My father who comes from a long line of clowns just retired and wants me to continue the family legacy.

I've got some big shoes to fill

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A 6 year old granny was going through menopause during her teen age.

Continue.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Arcelona Arcelona....!

One French and American was on a train to Barcelona from Paris.

When the train reached Barcelona. Excited American started to yell BARCELONA! BARCELONA!

French guy become annoyed and said to American.. Be Silent!!

ARCELONA ARCELONA!!!!

American continue to yell!!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Your winrar 30 day trial is over.

Please pay to continue using our service.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I will continue to be eternally grateful to Justin Timberlake for bringing sexy back

Everybody is still pretty mad at me for making it go away in the first place

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Im officially 3 months clean...

I have successfully taken a shower everyday for the past 90 days, hope this can continue!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If it weren't for sex and babies, would men and women have anything to do with each other?

It's an old, but honest question.

Would we continue with the way things are now, or would we form Team Testosterone and Team Estrogen? And of course, how could we forget forget the weirdo 1% of us called Team Libertarian?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy.

One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like this before.


She asks the boy, "What are they doing?"


He says, &qu


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Continue the joke using only 2 words after the previous post.

Why did

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

"Permission to continue eating this dead animal on the side of the road," said the young vulture to his supervisor.

"Carrion."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man goes to a remote island where he meets a resident

The man asks the resident if he could be his guide and help him in touring the island. The resident agrees.

Both spend the night at the resident's place where he tells the man that there are some mysterious people on the island who you HAVE to agree.

The next day, both go out to your the island. After walking for a while they meet a guy who offers them an apple and a


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An old man and an old woman, married for fifty years, go to see a fortune teller.

The old man is hard-of-hearing and the old Woman always tells Him what is said. They go to found out what his future holds.

The fortune teller says, "Next week, you will win the state lottery jackpot."

The old man says, "What did she say?"

The old woman says, "NEXT WEEK! YOU WIN THE LOTTERY!"

The old man is very e


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

That's how I ended up in Ohio.

I often wondered why my ancestors ended up in Ohio. I was combing through boxes of paperwork my parents had kept. Some of it dating back to when my great, great grandparents were alive.
When they were traveling from the east to find a place to settle, my great, great grandmother became somewhat ill. My great, great grandfather was annoyed and made some comments that she should suck it up so


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Returning from the men's room, a bar customer was shaking his head.

Returning from the men's room, a bar customer was shaking his head.


"What's the matter?" inquired the bartender.


"While I was in the bathroom back there, I noticed among the scribbling on the wall, and one that said: *WENDY GIVES REALLY FABULOUS HEAD - ABSOLUTELY THE GREATEST B.J. IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD*!" replied the cust


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Teddy Bears

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect. They end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

​

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds of cute, cuddly Teddy Bears carefully placed in ro


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar

As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of “when does life begin”.

The priest said in the Bible it states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”. This is God’s word so it is true.

The doctor looked at the priest funny and said, &ld


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How to fall down the stairs step by step guide.

Step 1, step 2, step 3, step 4, step 5, step 6, step 14. Continue this till you reach the bottom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Your free trial of life has ended.

Please purchase the full game in order to continue.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Continue the story using only 2 words.

One day...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The quick thinking executive

To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting on his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Don't listen to people who bring you down.

Everybody told Beethoven that he couldn't continue producing music because he wasn't able to hear anymore..

But did he listen?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Dad: If you continue to masturbate, you will go blind.

Son: Uh, dad, I'm over here...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I go to the doctors office and describe the stomach pains Im having

He asks me give him a stool sample

I go to the bathroom and return soon after with a beautiful mahogany wood table.

The doctor is not amused and kicks me out of his office.

I continue to shit furniture

The nightmare goes on

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

3 sit on an airplane and they challenge each other to throw stuff out of the aircraft

The 1st one says to the 2nd one: I dare you to throw a little stone out. Ok, the 2nd one replies, and throws a little stone out the plane. Then the 2nd one turns to the 3rd one and says: I dare you to throw a brick out of the aircraft. Ok, the 3rd one says, and he throws a brick out of the plane. Finally, the 3rd one turns to the 1st person and dares him to throw a bomb out the airplane. So he doe


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two Goldfish are in a tank

One turns to the other and says
"Bob, I know you slept with my wife, we can no longer continue to be friends"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man sitting at the Bar has been telling some of his favourite blonde jokes when just as he starts to tell another he is interrupted by a blonde lady.

She points to the table directly behind him and says "do you see those two blonde ladies? Well they are both professional UFC fighters and I myself am a black belt in karate.. are you sure you want to continue this joke?"
Fuck no the man says, I'm not explaining it three times.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There are three assassins who decide to give up on killing altogether

To show their commitment, they go to a cliffside and each throw one thing off of the cliff, something that is necessary for their past lives.
One throws a knife, another ex-assassin throws a gun, and the last ex-assassin throws a grenade.
The next day they all decide to go check out what had happened to their prized possessions when they come across a little boy who is crying.
&q


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Ladder Success

A guy woke up in a room with nothing in it, but a ladder leading up floor above. There was a note on the ladder that read " Once you start your climb to success you may not come back down". He looked around and decided to have a go anyway and climbed up.

He climbed up the ladder and came into a room, in this room there was a bed with the hottest woman he had ever seen sittin


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Heres A Joke My Family Had Been Telling For A Long Time. Keep It Safe With You

A newlywed couple rent an apartment and they start to paint it.


While they’re painting, the new husband says to his new wife
“Hun, it’s kind of hot in here, I’m gonna take my shirt off
She agrees and does the same. Both are completely topless and continue to paint.


After a while, they hear a knock on the door.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man was promised success by the owner of a giant beanstalk.

The man, who was desperate for a break in life, accepted. He began to climb the beanstalk, after 30 minutes of climbing, he came to a door. Upon opening the door he was greeted by a beautiful blonde woman, who said "you can stay with me and do whatever you like, or continue the climb to success." The man considers this, but decides he would rather have life long fulfilment. He continues


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Your winrar 30 day trial is up

Please pay to continue using service.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD

To surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do Redditors continue to use the old interface?

TRY THE REDESIGN.

Because it's cleaner.

NIGHT MODE: YOU ASKED. WE ANSWERED.

INFINITE SCROLL WITH THE REDESIGN.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

U.S will run out of avocados in three weeks in we shut the Mexican border.

U.S will run out of people in three years if we continue to deny universal healthcare.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A mother goes for a walk with her 3 daughters.

They go trough a park and the first daughter sees a rose bush.

"Mommy mommy, look, roses, just like my name!" says the first daughter.

"Why yes rose, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head, so I named you rose." says the mother.

They continue to walk and then the second daughter says.

"Mommy, mommy, look, a tul


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Ladder to Success

A man falls asleep one night with depressing thoughts of his failures in life; never has he been able to provide for his family what he wants them to have. He wakes up the next morning on the floor of a room with only a white painted ceiling and floor. No walls. Just clouds as far as he can see. In the middle of the room, there is a ladder with a sign next to it that says, "Climb this ladder


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A wife decides to surprise her husband at work.

She walks into his office to find him sitting at his desk, on the phone, with his extremely attractive secretary taking notes perched on his lap.

Upon catching sight of his wife the husband says into the phone, "And in conclusion gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I can't continue to operate this office with only one chair."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Want to hear a joke about Facebook?

*joke will continue after ad*

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Sexually Frustrated Girlfriend phone menu

[Girlfriend laying on the bed]

Press 1 to stay still, yes you are frustrated and will continue to be
Press 2 to stay face to face and continue the conversation
Press 3 to spoon. Keep in mind, we may not hear all the words we say to each other, and perhaps I will take a nap
Press 4 to keep laying there
Press 5 to make out
Press 6 to touch your boyfrien


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Continue the phrase: Sex is like...

Reddit: an apocalypse because it never happened.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why would mail delivery continue after human extinction?

Because everything would be post-man.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Honestly, vegans should stop

If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I used to be a mage

but I couldn't get the staff to continue.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

NSFW I'm not saying she's got a big coochie but...

....half way in an old man with a grey beard would not let me continue on until I answered three riddles.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I have this weird problem where I can't understand metaphors, unless they are also ladder-related puns.

My psychologist keeps is trying to find some Holy Rail of a solution, but I'm pretty content to continue to sweep it under the rung.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I hear now you can just make YouTube videos for a living...

The first person to start this was Osama bin Mohammed! Do we have to continue this...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya go?"


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE