Context

Jokes

You know, under the right context, a kidnapping has the potential to be a very serene experience

For example, a kid napping.

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How to flatter a man.

Some gals I know recently asked how to flatter a man. I thought maybe some of my fellow redditors would have some ideas.

One of my suggestions was:

"Don't be too easy, a man likes a bit of a challenge. But if you are easy, and he notices, admit that you're suprised, because you're usually so shy with men, but with him, you just can't resist."


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I kept asking Bernie Madoff for facts and figures on the investment he was promoting.

He merely provided context.

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless"

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

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Can not wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out of context

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Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

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There are two types of people in this world.

Those that can make educated guesses based on context.

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There are two types of people in this world:

People who can extrapolate missing information from context

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Context makes all the difference. Half-off is a great thing...

...when it comes to a sale, unless that sale is for a circumcision.

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

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Context is always important. For example, if I were to have sex with any musical key...

I would fuck A minor.

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Context is always important. For example, if I were to have sex with any musical key...

I would fuck A minor.

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What do you need in order to understand a joke about a criminal's written confession?

Context.

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A scientist is at a panel, discussing the results of his latest study.

He mentions, "You know, without the right context, my findings are absolutely meaningless."

Later on the news...

"On the headlines today, a world-renowned scientist has claimed his findings are absolutely meaningless."

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Need jokes similar to this one

No time for context but the joke goes something like this:

Why don't you want to make a sniper mad?

They have friends in high places

Help a man out boys, I need this

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Scientist: "Data on Global Warming should be ignored when taken out of context"

The News: Scientist agrees with us that "data on global warming should be ignored!"

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Scientist: "Data on Global Warming should be ignored seriously when taken out of context"

GOP: Scientists agree with us that "data on global warming should not be ignored"!

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Buddy in prison got his hands on a cell phone.

Sent me a context.

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My girlfriend said if this gets 100 upvotes we'll try anal.

Thankfully, she is not an idiot and understood the context.

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How do you spell "penis"?

Child: mom, how do you spell “penis”?

Mom: Uh. P E N—what’s the context, baby?

Child: I’m writing a Fathers Day card!

Mom: !!!!?!???!

Child: And I’m saying “wishing you happiness” and I got the “hap” part already!

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How do you spell "penis"?

Child: mom, how do you spell “penis”?
Mom: Uh. P E N—what’s the context, baby?
Child: I’m writing a Fathers Day card!
Mom: !!!!?!???!
Child: And I’m saying “wishing you happiness” and I got the “hap” part already!

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It all

The best part about this home is that it works without any context. Just read the title. It says it all.

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Spelling test

My daughter had a spelling test and asked me what does context mean. I asked her how is it being used?

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There are two types of people in the world...

Those who can extrapolate information based upon a given context...

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Two chemists walk into a bar..

"I'll have H2O," one says.
"I'll have H20, too," says the other.

Neither die, because the bartender understands the context.

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My dentist told me to open up

So I told him that I often have trouble putting peoples words into context. He said “I can tell”

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

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My dentist told me to open up.

I told him that I often had trouble putting people's words into context.

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The hotel room me and my family were staying in had a black out.

Context: hardcore Christian family and we were all in the room when this happened.

Baby Brother: omg this must be the rapture!!

Me: Then why are still here?

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My least favorite part about Jews is..

The 'S'. I mean can't we just assume plurality in context?

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context"

Media: Scientist claims his findings meaningless.

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Instead of sayingFcked we can now say Zucked

It will have context, keep the memories fresh any be hilarious if it catches on. And Zuck will probably hate it. Let’s get this reposted a million times and make this mainstream.

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

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I have a tendency to use words in a context they don't behold.

I call it a freudian flip.

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Scientist: my findings are meaningless if taken out of context

He was also problebly stupid enough to click a repost

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Scientist says his observations are irrelevant if taken out of context

Media: scientist claims observations are WORTHLESS ?!?!

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How do you tell a tall person on the internet?

Don't worry, they'll bring it up no matter the context.

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Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

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RJokes... help me out! Stick jokes wanted.

Not going to give you any context but I need a third joke for this set...

What's brown and sticky? A stick.
What's a boomerang that doesn't come back when you throw it? A stick.

Got any suggestions? Just need one more! :-D

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My fianc said the funniest thing out of context today.

Lewis and Clark were so starved on their exploration, Sacajawea had a hard time understanding why they didn't eat Seaman.

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Need help for funny idiom. "I'm itching like..."

Sending a funny text, need a funny idiom, so finish this idiom in the funniest/unappropriate way you can. "I'm itching like..."

EDITE: I like all of the below but i should have added context. I am texting him about having crabs. so that joke is already in use :( Any more?

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Rape

Some say rape isn't funny. Anything can be funny in the right context. Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd.
- George Carlin

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Context is Everything

The irony.

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A cliff that grants any wish when you jump off the top...

There were three people, named Juan, Pedro and Pablo. They heard a rumor about a cliff that grants one wish when you jump off it. So they went to the cliff.

First one to make a wish, Juan, wished to be a pilot. So he jumped off the cliff and minutes later, he was flying his jet and soared away.

Second, Pedro, wished to be rich. So he also jumped off the cliff and landed o


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An abusive husband finds a hair in the spaghetti his wife made and he beats the crap out of her.

They eventually make up and are having make up sex. The husband is down there eating his abused wife's hairy pussy, when she asks him: "you beat me up for one hair, and now you're down in all that hair?". Without missing a beat or stopping devouring that bush, he replies: "It's all about the context; if I find a single spaghetti here I'll fuck you up!"


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You should go to all your friend's funerals...

...otherwise they won't come to yours.

EDIT: NOT MINE, a friend told me this one, he also heard it on the radio but doesn't know which context.

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Context is important.

Context is important. It's fine to say "I'm coming!" when you're running to catch a bus, but totally inappropriate to say the same thing when you're on it.

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