Connection

Jokes

I met an asexual today and asked him how the hell he could not like sex

“Oh no,” he replied, “Sex is great! It’s the closest you can be with someone, the ultimate connection with the person you love most.”

“Well, why are you asexual, then?” I asked

“I love sex,” he said. “It’s just having it with other people that ruins it.”


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The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

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An Australian asks a travel agent what's the cheapest possible vacation to London that lets him see everything.

"I have a whole evening in Dubai on the way back? Very well, I've always wanted to see the world's tallest building." He packs his bag, wakes up at 6, rushes to the airport, takes off at 9, crosses Pacific 14 hours nonstop, runs to his connection, flies 10 more hours and never slept a wink cause of the jetlag. By this point he just wanted to crash at his hostel but was so sleep


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An astronaut was trying to communicate with the control room but the connection kept breaking up.

Annoyed, he yelled out "What on Earth are you talking about?".

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What do you call a terrorist with a bad internet connection?

Osama Been Lagging

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What's the connection between chickenpox and the black death?

You only have both once in a lifetime.

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Holy shit, the connection to pornhub is so fast right now!

All the stoners are asleep this isn’t even a joke go video hop!

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How did the fish get high?

He’s got a connection for really good seaweed.

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The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy...

So I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable Wi-Fi!

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The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy...




So I moved the modem to the barn.


Now I have stable WiFi!

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Why do you get an error when you look for today's date?

Because your internet connection sucks.

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What did the printer say when his wif(e)i left him?

“I thought we had a connection!”

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How did Stephen Hawking die?

He lost Wi-Fi connection.

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I dont think the relationship with my phone is working out

We have no connection outside the house

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This generation seems to be so willing to give up their information to fulfill connection.

I'm just pissed my router broke okay;

Wait, that's not the punchline;

And that's how I sold my car for strings of glass and packets.

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Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

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What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?

A wyrmhole.

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Why did the unicorn cross the road?

To make the rainbow connection!

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What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

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What connection does Reddit have to the real world?

Recycling. Reuse, Reuse, and Reuse.

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Girl, are you my WiFi?

Because I’m not getting a connection.

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Is your name Wifi?

because Im feeling a connection

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I masturbated to my parents having sex because...

The internet connection at home went off..

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A wealthy man was flying first class in a well known airline when a stewardess came to his seat...

„What’s your name good looking?“, he asked.
„Carolina Benz.“
„Any connection with Mercedes Benz?“
„Yes. Same price.“

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A detective looks around a crime scene

He turns to his partner, an android, and asks if he can find out the victim's name.
His partner says no.
This was the third murder this week.
He chewed on a piece of gum and rubbed his forehead pensively.
All the victims were white women in their 20s.
He tried to come up with a connection when suddenly it hit him







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I just downloaded the entire Deadwood series off a satellite DSL connection.

...I'm officially a space pirate.

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I just downloaded the entire Deadwood series off a satellite DSL connection.

...I'm officially a space pirate.

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What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

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What are the symptoms of a compulsive lisr?

I would check but I don't have internet connection...

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My flight was delayed from birds striking against the airliner.

Wtf birds, just do your job. What are they even paying you for??? I got a connection to make.

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How did Stephen Hawking die?

he lost wifi connection

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Am I your boyfriend?

I use what I call the "COPS standard." If I were on the show COPS, and the police would summarize our connection by saying "He's her boyfriend." Then I'm her boyfriend.

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My friend told me that for minimal lag i should use an analogue connection instead of Bluetooth for my speaker system....

Sound advice.

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Why didnt the fisherman care about his wireless internet connection?

Because either-net works when he’s catfishing.

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Kinda dark Lots of spanish-speaking kids have been showing up in Eastern Europe lately.

Bafflingly, the only connection local authorities can make between them is that they all seem to be preoccupied with the mating habits of flatulant, cartoon ducks.

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What do you call it when two frogs are making out?

The French Connection

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I asked my friend if he had a connection with his newborn son yet. He said no.

The WiFi on babies is terrible.

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What do you call a person from the Middle East with a bad internet connection?

Alagin

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What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

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I've been trying Tinder and found a girl I have a real connection with. One thing led to another and we decided to swap nude pics of ourselves. I accidentally sent it to everyone in my address book.

Cost me a fortune in stamps.

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My internet connection and my diet are missing one thing in common...

Fiber

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How did Stephen Hawking die?

He lost WiFi connection.

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Chegg Serial Killer

(I originally posted this on /r/JokeShop, and am still very open to improvements.)

I messed up badly, and I want to share my story.

A few years ago, I was offered a dream job at my school's career fair. Great company, great pay, great benefits, just great all around. There was only one stipulation: I had to finish that final semester with a 4.0 GPA.

As t


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I have an unpredictable connection with my tap.

It's a hot and cold relationship.

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What sort of Internet connection can you get in a barn?

Stable WiFi.

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What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

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What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

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What do you call it when your internet connection goes down?

[deleted]

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I had a powerful connection with Satan today...

WiFi is a higher power that works




Edit: my friends WiFi hotspots name is Satan

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Hey girl is there wifi here?

Cuz i feel a connection

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