Confirm

Jokes

Freddie died in a fire

Freddie was a well respected member of his community, however his two best friends James and Thomas were a lot more boisterous and seen as a bit dim witted amongst the neighbourhood. One night Freddie's house catches on fire and Freddie is engulfed in the flames.

The next day a police officer finds James and Thomas at the local pub. After explaining the incident the officer asks


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The world needs to realize that Antifa stands for anti-fascist

even Iceland and Greenland can confirm it

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People often call me Steven, but I prefer to be thought of a Stodd as I don't confirm to norms.

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First day as a pilot

**Air traffic control:** flight 417 please confirm your location, over.

**Me:** This is flight 417... we are in the sky, over.

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First day as a pilot

**Air traffic control:** flight 417 please confirm your location, over.

**Me:** This is flight 417... we are in the sky, over.

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After scrolling through rRowlingWritings for 5 minutes

I can confirm that she has the power to turn us gay.

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Sometimes...

I masturbate to the thought of my male friends. To confirm that I am not gay that is.

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SPOILER So i've watched the Endgame and i can in fact confirm that...

Antman in fact grows from small into huge while in a hole leading to Thanos's end

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Women are just the worst


I wonder why women are difficult.

My wife went out leaving our new born baby in the hands of our pretty maid. The little guy kept crying and the house maid did all she can do but, He kept crying until she brought out Her breast to give Him and he stopped crying.As the small boy was sucking the breast, I entered and saw it, I was so Angry and Afraid that he could contact disease


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Coming from a Chinese person, Trump's wall totally works.

I can confirm there are no Mexicans in China.

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My friend told he's been diagnosed with HIV, and has to go for a retest to confirm the results.

I told him to stay positive.

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If a boy is washing his face, then he is ready to go somewhere

If a girl is washing her face, then its confirm she's not going anywhere

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They say it's colder than a Witches tit out..

So I touched my wife's tit, can confirm colder outside, but not by much.

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There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

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Men will be men

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my two wheeler and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up.

She said, “Come, get in my car. I&rs


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Men will be men

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my two wheeler and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up.

She said, “Come, get in my car. I&rs


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I got into an accident and a beautiful girl helped out

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my two wheeler and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?"

​

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up.

&#x2


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My wife will not be happy...

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my car and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up.

She said, “Come, get in my car. I’ll t


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Two hunters are in a forest

When suddenly a bear charged right at one of them, biting him and severely wounding him.

The other hunter shoots at the bear, scaring it away and immediately calls the emergency services.

Hunter “yes hello I need an ambulance at the woods right now, I think my friend might be dead”

Operator “ sir can please confirm to us that your friend is


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Two friends are out hunting together...

While they're out, one of them gets attacked by a bear. The other one shoots the bear and it runs away. The one who shot the bear sees his friend on the ground covered in wounds from the bear and calls 911.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"I think my friend is dead, he was just mauled by a bear!"

"Okay, sir. Calm down. We're


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Who are the fastest readers?

Apple users, they confirm to have read 968 pages of terms and conditions in usually less than two seconds.

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Create new password: Tomato

Confirm new password: Tomato

Passwords don't match.

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I had a Vasectomy yesterday, and I can confirm...

It’s a real ball ache.

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My Big Boss said to me with smiling, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"

I said, "I'm not confirm; it's hard to keep track."

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Friendship

**Friendship between women**: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.


The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.


**Friendship between men**: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife


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Freindship

**Friendship between women**: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.


The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.


**Friendship between men**: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife


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There was this 80 year old virgin...

There was this 80 year old virgin that started getting itchy... down there....

So, she goes to the gynecologist. The dr does the examination and reports "ma'am, i'm sorry to tell you, but it appears you've contracted an STD. We'll need to do further testing to confirm." The lady is outraged! "I'm 80 years old. I've never had sex. I've


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Can confirm: England Does have a 4th of July

And we even get it first!

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Smart man discovers UNBELIEVABLE TRICK to never fall for clickbait again! MUST SEE

I bet you expected something like "... And you're not that man" or similar, and just wanted to confirm your expectation. Needless to say, you just fell for clickbait.


PS: I really don't know that man's trick.

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I had to contact by ex in Poland.

To confirm that I had her consent for her personal email and phone number and other personal data as per the new European privacy regulations and GDPR guidelines.

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As a supplier for paramilitary troops, i can confirm...

Nobody has ever complained about their parachute not opening mid-flight.

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Enter Password: snowflake

Confirm Password: ‘republican’

Thank you for signing up to our service!

Edit: look at all the angry snowflakes! Can’t take a joke!(this is fun!)

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Enter password: snowflake

Confirm password: ‘snowflake’

Error, your passwords are not alike

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Air traffic control - Flight 417, please confirm your location, over

Pilot - This is Flight 417, we are in the sky, over

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Science confirm that humans can ingest deadly poison or even molten lava.

Once

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Bob wanted to confirm the identity....

[deleted]

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Yo mama is so fat...

it wouldn't have took 100 years to confirm gravitational waves if the researchers have studied her instead of those black holes.

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How do we confirm life on another planet?

If you find a rare Pepe drawn the disk.

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A prisoner convicted of beastiality has escaped.

Recent reports confirm he's on the lamb.

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Why do Jews have big noses?

Because the air is free. (Can confirm: I'm a Jew)

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Can Confirm.

It's raining in South Carolina.

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After watching today's Apple event, I can confirm the new iPhone will not be a failure.

In fact, it'll be a huge 6S.

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Prison Safety

I was reading recently about the prisons in India (the Indian word for prison is Budht). The article said that there is lots of violence in their prisons and that as a defensive matter the inmates have split up into gang-like sects. Can any of you confirm whether in India they have sects in the Budht as a means of protection?


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I'm a dyslexic agnostic

Therefore, I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of Dog.

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A Wife spends the night at a "friend's" house

The next morning, her husband wants to be sure she isn't cheating, so he calls 10 of her friends to ask if she slept there, none of them confirm. A week later, the husband spends the night at a "friend's" house, his wife calls 10 of his friends, 7 of them confirm he slept there and 3 say he's still there sleeping.


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A new study states we should really be taking in 10x the Vitamin D that is currently being recommended by doctors. Obviously sponsored by Big D.

I saw the news on the science subreddit and this is the first thing I thought of. But really, recommending ten times the D? It's begging for it.
http://www.newswise.com/articles/scientists-confirm-institute-of-medicine-recommendation-for-vitamin-d-intake-was-miscalculated-and-is-far-too-low

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Bros v. Hoes

A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 b


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Chemists Confirm the Existence of New Type of Bond

...James Bond

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Chemists Confirm the Existence of New Type of Bond

James Bond

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Chemists Confirm the Existence of New Type of Bond

Bond, James Bond.

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