Condition

Jokes

I was born with a condition that limits my brains understanding of mathematics. After years of failed schooling, I finally found a math teacher to help me with subtraction.

Let me tell ya, she made a world of difference.

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Granny granny - Damn granny

Today at the bank, a granny asked me

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to help check her balance**.** I said sure. By the way there were **lots of people ...**

*in few seconds, Granny was sleeping on floor*

After that, All I can remember is people gathering around me

​

*my cur


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I know a guy who collects candy canes

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What's the medical condition of a 30-year-old virgin?

Acute virginosis.

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Probably the toughest exam...

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Man has a condition...

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What can you always assume when buying a used BMW?

The turn signal will always be in brand-new condition.

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A vampire sells a mirror

Cheap mirror, excellent condition; Never used.

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My friend is in hospital after they found a horse living inside his stomach....

...doctors say he's in a stable condition!

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I asked my doctor how their day at the hospital was going

He said “well this morning a man came in with agonising pain in his stomach and we did a scan which revealed he had 12 plastic toy horses stuck in his stomach, he was in a critical condition when he first came in, but he’s in a stable condition now.”

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I never knew that you could collect candy

Until I found one in mint condition

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As a child I had a medical condition where I had to eat dirt 3 times a day in order to survive

Luckily my older brother told me about it

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Necrophilia is a condition that benefits for the lazy rapist..

Or if your Bill Cosby you’d consider yourself an opportunist.

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A man is rushed to hospital after inserting 3 toy horses into his anus.

The paramedics say his condition is stable.

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What is a necrophile's favorite condition?

Corpse stiffness

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A man has a rare condition that causes his left knee to get bigger. He walks into an urban barbershop.

He says “what’s up, my knee grows!”

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A little kid swallows 6 plastic horses...

It’s Ok
His condition is stable

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Patient: Oh Doctor, Im starting to forget things. - Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? - Patient: What condition?

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I developed a line of condition-specific get well cards for hypochondriacs with the theme " I had what you had..."

Only worse.

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My twin brother, who I share a room with, was born with a condition where he emits a beeping sound when around someone he'd like to fuck.

Also the smoke alarm in my house is broken and I haven't slept well in years.

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BREAKING NEWS!! .. Man hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass

Doctors describe his condition as stable

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My doctor refused to diagnose me over social media.

He said my condition was untweetable.

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A man takes a vacation in Bangkok

While he is there, he is approached by a"bar girl". She is beautiful and the price is too low to turn down, so the man agrees to the "$2 special"
Back home in America a couple weeks later, the man is peeing and to his horror, he sees his penis has turned green! He immediately schedules an appointment with his regular doctor.
Upon seeing his condition, the doctor, ha


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A software developer claims to have written a condition that detects items larger than medium size.

Big if true.

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Did you hear about the sick horse who opted to be treated at home?

He's in stable condition.

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My grandmother used to tell me not to laugh at other's condition coz we might be in their position one day.

So I started to laugh at Jeff Bezos everyday.

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Breaking News: Bill gates has agreed to pay trump's wall

On the condition of he gets to install Windows

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TIFU by bullying some kid with a stomach condition resulting in me getting punched.

My bad, wrong sub.

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NSFW - The Queen is touring a prestigious hospital...

They come to the special care wing and she is utterly disgusted when she sees a nurse giving a male patient a hand job.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she screams.

"Don't fret, your Majesty. This man has a rare condition that requires him to ejaculate once every hour or he will go into cardiac arrest and die", replies the doctor.

She


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My friend always keeps his spirits high in spite of his severe heart condition.

He does everything holeheartedly.

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Samuel L Jackson has a condition which means he is addicted to having sex with female donkeys that have children. However he can never bring them to orgasm.

He is one bad, ass-mother fucker

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Did you guys hear about the guy that got kicked in the head by the horse

He’s in a stable condition now

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Hospitalized!

A man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him.

His condition is described as stable.

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What would Pavlov recommend if your pet dog's fur is dry and frazzled, but she won't stop biting people who try to groom her?

Condition 'er.

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There were three men Chuck, Huck and Buck

They were room-mates and their girlfriends were room-mates.

Chuck' phone rings, his girlfriend calls him over; but on the condition that he has to come naked.

Huck's phone rings, his girlfriend calls him over; but on the condition that he has to come naked.

Buck's phone rings, his girlfriend calls him over; but on the condition that he has to


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Constipation can turn into a serious condition.

No shit.

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My doctor said that he couldn't diagnose me in 240 characters or fewer...

Apparently my condition is untweetable.

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The Queen of England is taking a tour of an American hospital when she spots a patient furiously masturbating through an open door.

Her Majesty: "What's going on here? This is absolutely appalling."

Nurse: "Actually, Your Highness, it's for medicinal purposes. This patient has a very serious condition, and if he doesn't orgasm at least once every eight hours, his testicles will swell and cause fatal clotting."

Her Majesty: "Fascinating. Very well, carry on."


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The best hospital joke ever.

There was a new Director of a hospital who on her first day on the job, wanted a tour of her new hospital. So the Chief of Medicine took her on a tour to show her around.

They first went to the cancer ward. Then to pediatrics. Then to the emergency room and so on. The tour was going great.

Then, the Chief took the new Director to the special patient ward. They walked d


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A man has a condition where he reacts 24 hours late, he falls down and he groans,

I'm gonna feel that tommorow.

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The doctor was asked about the condition of the quadratic equation that was trapped in the fire.

Doctor : Can't say much but he has some serious second degree.

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When I die I'm going to entrust my money to a Nigerian prince

...on the condition that he can find a valid US bank account to transfer it to.

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As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a rare condition with my sight.

Umdiddlyumdiddlyumdiddly eye

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How do you call the condition when a crocodile is unable to get an erect penis?

Ereptile dysfunction.

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A man goes to the doctor, complaining that his nose and ears are shrinking. The doctor examines the man, and assures him hes fine.

Six months later, the man returns with the same complaint. "Could I have a cartilage deficiency, Doc?" Again, the doctor does a thorough exam, and again he tells the man there’s nothing wrong with him.

The condition continues to worsen, so the man decides to get a second opinion.

"Yes, the doctor is taking new patients," says the receptionist. &


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I have a condition where I start masturbating whenever I'm put under stress

Apparently I should have disclosed that disability *before* I got hired

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This morning Chuck Norris was shot

Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition

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To support a friend, I went to a non-denominational event.

As it wasn't really my thing, I sat in the back. A priest came up to me and said, "The Lord has told me, today is the day that you will walk!" A little confused, I smiled at the priest, and told him I wasn't a cripple.

A little while later, a rabbi approached me and said, "By Hashem's word, you will walk today!" I also had to explain to him about be


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What is the medical condition where your lizard can't stand up?

Ereptile dysfunction

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I've got this condition where I can't tell if I'm having an orgasm or urinating.

I'm not sure if I'm coming or going.

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