Composure

Jokes

NSFW A man went to a doctor to cure his dick

Man: I have a problem with my penis, promise me you won’t laugh

Doctor: Alright, let’s see what’s wrong

The man pulled down his pants and revealed his tiny wiener, it was around the size of a AAA battery. The doctor let out a little giggle but immediately regained composure. After a few seconds, she decided to ask.

Doctor: What’s wrong


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

One morning two brothers, 4 and 6, decide they are old enough to start cursing...

The younger asks his brother, "What should we say?"

"You say ass, and I'll say hell," replies the elder of the two.

Walking down stairs their mother asks them what they would like for breakfast.

"Oh hell," replies the elder, "I'll have some Cheerios."

Their mother loses her mind. She swats at hi


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Fencing

There was a famous fencer that could defeat every opponent he came across. No matter his opponent, he could always parry their blows and was always able to score a hit. Of course, each of his opponents would look greatly unnerved after every match, walking out in anger at their utter loss.

On one occasion, there was an opponent who left not with a frown, but with a smile on his face.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A sad man visits a psychologist.

The psychologist tries to ask him a lot of questions but he either wouldn't respond or nod his way through the conversation.

Finally the psychologist has enough and says "you can come back tomorrow if you'd like and don't forget you can talk to me about anything"

The man responds with a nod and walks out the door.

The psychologist see


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Jewish man calls his mom. "Mama, I have good news and bad news..."

Mother, ever the optimist: "Give me the bad news."

Man: "I can't live a lie anymore. I'm gay."

Mother, a traditional conservative woman, after the wailing and the gnashing of teeth that was expected of her by her son, regains her composure and asks: "Well, what's the good news?"

Man: "So I met this nice Jewish


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A joke mashup, hope you like it...

So, my wife gave birth to our first child and after thanking the doctor, we inadvertently shared the same elevator down. Working up the courage to ask, I sheepishly said, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?" To which the doctor replied, "Give me about 20 minutes, you can come to my office." She laughed and laughed, straining to regain her composure, she co


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Don't Laugh

"Don't laugh!" said the patient, Ed.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'hoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It could not have been bigger th


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A job applicant was nervous for his interview

The interviewer asked the first question, "What are your weaknesses?"

The applicant, in his anxiousness, blurted out, "I can never come to work on time, I'm always behind deadlines, I am very disagreeable, I may sleep on the job, my reports would be dreadful..."

About 5 minutes more of this, the interviewer, obviously shaken up, gathered his compo


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Little Andrews Penis

One day little Sarah came home from kindergarten and says to her mom

Sarah: Mommy...Andrew’s penis is like a peanut.

Mom: (a little shocked but keeping her composure) why Sarah? Is it because it’s really small?

Sarah: No, it’s like a peanut cause it tastes salty....

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A woman bent down


....to take a close look at a fine piece of jewelry in a jewelry store. In the process she vent out a fart. Embarrassed at that she looked around to see if anyone heard that.
A salesman was right behind her. She gathered her composure and in the hope he didn't notice her breaking the wind asked " What is the price for that necklace?"
The m


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A wee man walks into a pub and slips on some shit

everyone points and laughs at him he stands up gets his composure back and buys a drink then a huge guy walks in and slips on the shit and the wee man points and laughs and says I did that the huge guy stands up and batters the wee man

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Parking spot

An old man was driving downtown in his Bentley. He drove around for 45 minutes until he saw a spot on the side of the street. As the spot freed up another man in a Lamborghini slides in and takes it before the old man can. As the other drive stepped out of his vehicle, he looks at the old man and says: "You need to be fast to do that!". The old man takes a second and slams his Bentley in


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So, I was walking past the mental hospital the other day

all the patients were shouting, "13...13....13...13."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a gap between the planks so looked through to see what was going on.
Out of nowhere someone poked me in the eye with a stick. As i gathered my composure and began walking away they all started shouting. "14...14...14...14...".


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Queen of England visits a hospital....

And while she is there, the doctor is showing her his most peculiar patients. He brings her to the first patient, and they catch the man inside masturbating ferociously. The Queen is clearly outraged while the doctor doesn't appear to be phased at all by this. The Queen turns to the doctor and says, "Why are you not doing anything about this? This is disgusting!" "Don't w


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Three salesmen stay the night on a farm

After their car breaks down. Of course the farmer has a smoking hot daughter and yes they bang her and as usual the farmer finds out so they find themselves on the business end of a shotgun. He tells em "I'll let you boys go if ya do two things fer me. The first, git out dere and pick me ahunded fruit." First guy goes out there and gets 100 strawberries and brings em back. Farmer ai


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So a penguin and a seal are in a car...

The penguin is driving. It's 105 degrees outside, and, being from the arctic, they want to get something to cool off. The seal suggests they get ice cream, so they find a nearby ice cream parlor. They're getting out of the car and the seal says, "Hey, something's wrong with the engine!" the penguin looks underneath the car, and sure enough there is a puddle of oil forming


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A guy is trying to make some extra cash by working as Santa in a shopping mall.

The day is filled with hundreds of kids who are excited to tell Santa what they want for Christmas. But then one boy walks up, and he looks very sad.

The guy says, "Ho ho ho! What would you like for Christmas, little boy?"

The boy says, "I want my daddy to stop hitting my mommy."

The guy is shocked, and speechless for a minute. After


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE