Communicate

Jokes

If you want to communicate with the dead just have a midget smoke some weed.

So they get medium.

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My girlfriend has been ignoring my attempts to communicate with her. I think she has been ghosting me for several weeks now all because I asked her to send nudes.

So I said screw it, I’m done trying to communicate and threw out my Ouija board.

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My wife complained that my life revolves around Facebook and it has destroyed the way we communicate.

So I've blocked her.

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How do the oceans communicate?

They wave at each other

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You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.

You know what i say to that?

Kiss my ASPERGERS!

(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)

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What network do racists and misogynists use to communicate?

Incel-lular.

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How to communicate effectively with your teenage son as an anti-vaxxer:

1. Ouija Board

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An astronaut was trying to communicate with the control room but the connection kept breaking up.

Annoyed, he yelled out "What on Earth are you talking about?".

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Little Suzy and little Billy were at day-care

Suzy approached Billy and said, "Hey Billy, want to play house?"

Billy said, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

Suzy replied, "I want you to communicate your feelings."

"Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Billy. "I have no idea what that means."

Suzy nodded and said, "Perfect. You c


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What does a legless person use to communicate with their friends and loved ones?

An immobile phone.

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It's amazing how far humans have come since the caveman days

when people used to communicate by writing on walls....oh wait, we still do.

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How do mathematicians communicate with each other?

Sine Language

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Two deaf people get married and are confused on how to communicate about sex.

The wife says with sign language,"Now that we're married, we need a quick way to communicate whether we want to have sex or don't want to have sex." She thinks for a moment,"Okay when you want to have sex, pinch my right nipple. When you don't want to have sex, pinch my left nipple."

The husband agrees,"That will work!"

The w


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Back in the 60s,my little brother thought he could communicate with the trees and i used to think he had some mental issues...

That is until i was drafted to Vietnam

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How do an American and Russian communicate without a translator?

Using Korean.

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What did the squirrel say to the tree?

Nothing. Squirrels and trees don’t communicate with each other.

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What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought?

Moose Code.

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Some fish communicate by farting



Some old farts communicate by fishing

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What's Thanos's favourite way to communicate?

Snapchat

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Puns bliz wait

Note; stay a little longer.

A wife sees her husband upset so she tries telling him some punny jokes
1. What does a commander put in his sleeves
His armies

2. I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.


3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all righ


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Puns bliz wait

Note; stay a little longer.

A wife sees her husband upset so she tries telling him some punny jokes
1. What does a commander put in his sleeves
His armies

2. I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.


3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all righ


read more
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To communicate clearly

it's important that you know you're shit.

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John, the simulation is over.

This is not a drill. Please wake up John. You have to wake up now. This is the only way we can communicate to you. Don't worry, only you can see this.

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Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...


Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...

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What did the sea snail say to the sea cucumber?

​

*nothing they don't communicate the same way you dingus*

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A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew, and an atheist go to a coffee shop

A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew and an atheist go to a coffee shop ... and they communicate, have fun, drink coffee, and become good friends. This is what happens when people are not assholes.

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Deaf people were tired of not being able to communicate.

So they took matters into their own hands.

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How does Thanos communicate?

Snapchat

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How do deaf mathematicians communicate?

In sine language.

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How do plants communicate in an M. Night Shyamalan movie?

Signs language

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How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

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A recently married deaf couple were discussing how they were going to communicate in the bedroom with the lights off.

The husband said "if you want to have sex pull my dick once if you don't want to have sex pull it 358 times".

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How do turtles communicate with each other?

With shell phones.

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I gave my mute classmate a blackboard to communicate...

But he still won chalk to me.

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How do two hipsters communicate?

They converse.

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My English teacher gave me an extra task where you need to complete puns

Here they are(my guesses are in brackets, tell me if I'm wrong):
1) Do you know why its easy for hunter to find a leopard? Because a leopard is always [spotted].
2) Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to [stick] to their word.
3) I'm not scared of insects, but they really [bug] me.
4) The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a [I don't know c


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How do speakers of Dutch, English, French and Danish communicate with each other?

They speak Mumble-Saxon.

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Whats a mathematicians favorite way to communicate?

Sine language.

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How do people in Wisconsin communicate with each other?

Using a Milwaukee talkie.

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How do people in Wisconsin communicate with each other?

Using a Milwaukee talkie.

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How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a quiet place and talk to him. If you want to see him, send him a text while driving


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How do billboards communicate?

Sign language

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How do hipsters communicate?

They Converse.

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There was once a soldier named Jim.

Jim was extremely close to his Mom, but having enlisted in the army, he didn't get to communicate with her as often. One fateful day, unbeknownst to Jim, his mother died after falling through some stairs. His army buddies found out about it. They initially pondered telling Jim, but ultimately went against the idea because they figured he might have a breakdown and do something rash. Finally,


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How do wheelchair users communicate at long distances?

Not with walkie talkies

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A man with an IQ of 200 goes to the doctor

He asks the doctor "Isn't there a medicine against this high IQ? I can't really communicate with anyone else!' 'Of course there is' the doctor says, 'we have a medicine that will bring your IQ to about 150, what do you think about that?'

The man thinks a bit and then answers: 'its still too high, I really want to be able to talk to anyo


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A mail order bride and the butcher . . .

A rich, American man had bad luck with women and finally decided to find a mail order bride from Russia. She arrived a few weeks after his order was made, and they got married and lived happily in a rich Connecticut suburb.

Though the poor lady was not very proficient in English, she did manage to communicate with her husband with gestures mostly. The real problem arose whenever she h


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How did the inmates communicate to their families after visiting hours?

Cell phones.

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When youre driving, there are four ways to communicate with other Drivers

Your horn, blinkers, high beams and Middle finger

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How do cells communicate?

With cellphones.

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