Commotion

Jokes

I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.

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I dared my friend into running into a cucumber field holding a bottle of vinegar... my friend tripped and spilled vinegar everywhere. Shortly afterwards, a farmer came to check on the commotion and began scolding my friend...

Guess my friend got himself in a bit of a
Pickle.

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There was some commotion at the local zoo last night

Because a monkey was somehow able to escape its exhibit without being detected by any of the zookeepers. The monkey then proceeded to defecate near the entrance of the zoo. If that wasn’t strange enough, another monkey, who had also managed to escape its exhibit, goes up to the poop and starts staring at it. Shortly after that, a third money escapes the exhibit, and joins the second monkey i


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Superman is flying around above a beach...

He looks down and sees Wonder Woman laying down on a towel, completely naked.

He says to himself: “Hmm, since I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, do my business and no one would notice!”

Superman flys down, then immediately flys away. Wonder Woman, sensing the commotion, looks up and says: “Hey, what was that?”
<


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A couple of homies were walking through the hood

As they were walking down the road, one of the dudes saw a super sexy, curvy girl walking the opposite direction across the street. He kept walking but turned his head to continue checking her out. A few moments later he tripped on a bump in the road and slammed his face into the pavement. His homie heard the commotion, turned around, and yelled “bro! What happened?! Why’d you fall ove


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It was night in a solemn street and a drunk was looking inside an open manhole yelling 25, 25, 25, 25.

A man hears the commotion and goes toward the drunk. He also looks inside the manhole to see what's going on. The drunk kicks him inside...

26, 26, 26, 26

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The CIA are training three men

So the CIA are training 3 guys. They give them guns and say they have to go into the next room and kill the person there. First guy goes in and comes back out and says, " I cant. Its my wife." Second guy goes in and comes back out, " I cant, its my wife." 3rd guy goes in and you hear bang bang bang and then a commotion with a chair overturning. He comes out and says, " so


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I dont understand all the commotion about the 737 MAX

None of the passengers have ever complained!

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Jack walked into a bar...

He sits down and orders a drink.

He sees familiar faces around the bar, like his good old friend Gerald.

He tried to get up from his seat, but he was stuck.

Gerald noticed the commotion and went to help.

Gerald helped his friend, Jack, off.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, and upon sitting down is promptly told, "This bar is incredible! The bartender serves apples of any flavor, any one that you can think of!" "That's incredible, you can't expect me to believe that." The bartender looks up and says, "It's true, mate. Any flavor." "Okay, do you have coke and rum?" The bartender serves him


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A Texan walks into a nice French Restaurant

He sits down, orders, and has the best meal of his life. With each bite, the pure joy he feels only intensifies. Course after course, his interest continually piqued and appetite always aroused.
As he nears the end of his meal, he orders a crepe for dessert, ice cream atop as a finishing touch.
After receiving his desert, his mood suddenly shifts. The Texan is now visibly upset. Fumi


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A man walks into a bar,

and upon sitting down is promptly told, "This bar is incredible! The bartender serves apples of any flavor, any one that you can think of!" "That's incredible, you can't expect me to believe that." The bartender looks up and says, "It's true, mate. Any flavor." "Okay, do you have coke and rum?" The bartender serves him an apple. "No way..


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Wonder Women is naked on a beach

Superman is flying around one day when he spots Wonder Woman laying on the beach butt naked. He thinks to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, take care of my business and be gone before she can blink an eye".
So he swoops in, does his thing and disappears into the sky. Sensing the commotion, Wonder Woman cries out "What was that?". In


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An elderly woman hears a commotion on her front porch...

An elderly woman hears a commotion on her front porch. When she sees a naked man playing with himself through the peephole of her front door, she immediately calls 911.

"Send the police over right away," she says. "There's a Democrat playing with himself on my front porch."

"What?" asks the 911 operator.

"There'


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Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says "why does it cause excitement and commotion?" Little Johnny says


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A couple is lying in bed late one night

When they hear a loud knock on the door. The husband jumps out of bed and goes to see what the commotion is. He opens the door to see a clearly drunk man and asks what he wants. "Can you give me a push?", the man asks. "Absolutely not. It´s 3am and its pouring rain" and he slams the door shut.

The man gets back in bed and explains the commotion to his wife. S


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A man is sent by his wife to buy some snails for their fancy French dinner party

While at the grocery, he meets a beautiful woman and they start chatting. One thing leads to another and he ends up at her house.

The following morning he wakes with a start and rushes home. In his haste he drops the bucket of snails against his front door.

Hearing the commotion, his wife flings the door open and stares angrily at him. 'Where the hell have you been


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St. Peter and the bus full of Nuns

A bus traveling from the local convent crashes. Everyone on board dies and goes to heaven. They approach the gates and St. Peter asks them if they have been faithful to their vows. The first nun admits to St. Peter that she has indeed touched a penis.
"With what did you touch it?" he asks.
"My hand" replies the nun.
"Dip your hand in the holy water to


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Logic Lesson

A Fourth-grade teacher was giving a lesson and logic in class one day.

"Here's the situation" she said." A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in,and begin splashing around and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, and knowing he can't swim, runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to th


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There were tons of reddit admins responsible for today's commotion.

But not many of them.

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Superman decides to fly around for fun. When he spots Wonder Woman naked on top of a tall building. He's always had a thing for Wonder Woman. So he swoops down does his business and flies away again. Wonder Woman notices the commotion, and says, "What was that?"

The Invisible Man rolls off of her and says, "I don't know, but it hurt like hell!'"

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Two little kids stand outside their parents' bedroom listening to the commotion inside...

So the brother goes in and quickly comes out.
Sister: Well - what did you see??
Brother: Well, I'm not sure what game they were playing, but daddy was clearly winning!!

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Two little kinds stand outside their parents' bedroom listening to the commotion inside...

So the brother goes in and quickly comes out.
Sister: Well - what did you see??
Brother: Well, I'm not sure what game they were playing, but daddy was clearly winning!!

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Fourth Grade Logic


A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?


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Former President George W. Bush was giving his speech when suddenly...

... an anti-Bush campaign leader ran to the platform and said "I hate you! I hate America because of you!". Before security had any time to respond, the guy pulled out a syringe and stabbed Pres. Bush on the arm and said "Ha! That was my blood inside the syringe! And I have AIDS! Goodbye, Bush!"

After the commotion, Pres. Bush was surprisingly calm. The media asked


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Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says "why does it cause excitement and commotion?" Little Johnny says


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The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.

One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde


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A bus full of nuns goes off a cliff

They're all lined up in front of St. Peter and one by one he asks them the same question before they can go in: "Have you ever touched a penis?"

The first nun says, "Yes, just once, with my finger."

St. Peter nods and tells her to dip her finger in a font of holy water, then she can go in.

Next nun: "Yes I did, just once, with my


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A farmer buys a young rooster to replace his old one.

The young rooster is immediately confident. He'll have every hen to himself.

The old rooster takes offense to this. He approaches the young rooster and says, "This here is my farm. I've been the alpha male for 10 years, and I'm not gonna let some pompous youngun like yourself take over. So here's what I'm gonna do: I challenge you to a race. 10 laps aroun


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Ever heard the one about Superman, Wonder Woman and the Invisible Man?

Superman is flying around one day when he spots Wonder Woman laying on the beach butt naked. He thinks to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, take care of my business and be gone before she can blink an eye". So he swoops in, does his thing and disappears into the sky. Sensing the commotion, Wonder Woman cries out "What was that?". Invisible


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A roman senator is running late to an important senate meeting....

He arrives 15 minutes late and enters to see each seat filled, with the exception of his own, and Cicero standing in the middle of the room giving a speech.

He manages to stealthily make his way to his seat without causing too much of a commotion and leans over to the senator next to him, asking in a hushed tone, "hey, what's Cicero talking about?"

The othe


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So a cannibalistic couple are try to decide what to have for supper one night...

When they hear a knocking at their front door. The husband opens the door where he sees a little boy crying. The kid then says, "Help me I'm lost, my name is Stuart and I live on 3rd street!" The wife hears the commotion and walks over to see what's going on, and the husband turns to her and says, " I guess we're having stew tonight."


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A busload of nuns goes over a cliff...

A bus load of nuns goes over a cliff in a snowstorm. All the nuns go to heaven and line us at the pearly gates in front of Saint Peter.

Sister Mary is first in line. St Peter asks her "Have you any sins to atone for?" She responds, "Once, I looked at a man's penis." St Peter tells her to splash some holy water on her eyes and enter heaven.

Si


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A lawyer notices some commotion on the road...

A lawyer notices some commotion on the road and a crowd.

Naturally,he gets curious and walks over to the crowd.

He wasn't able to see what had happened so he asked a bystander.He replied that there had been an accident.

Wanting to see the scene of accident,he screams "GIVE WAY PLEASE A PERSON FROM MY FAMILY IS INJURED!!!!"



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3 guys driving on a highway

and gets pulled over by a police officer for speeding. When they stopped, the officer notices 2 guys in front and 1 guy sleeping at the back.

Officer: Hello, had to stop you because you were speeding. Can I see your license and registration please?

Driver: I dont have one - blatantly says the driver

Office: Ok can you step out of the car please?


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Catholic School Girls

A bus full of Catholic School Girls go off the side of a cliff and everyone dies. As they all line up before the Pearly Gates St. Peter approaches them and says, "Girls, you all may enter Heaven. First, however, if you have ever touched male genitalia you must dip whatever part of your body touched it into the Holy Water."
The first two girls go and just dip their hands. Suddenly


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Three men waited patiently for their babies to be born...

One was a black man, another was a Mormon, and the final was a southern redneck. From the maternity ward, they hear their wives cry in the final push to give birth, but just then all the lights go out. There's a huge commotion and finally after several minutes the lights come back on. The head obstetrician comes out to speak to the new fathers.

"I have good news and bad news


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An old guy is in the hospital and messes himself.

He doesn't want attention and is quite embarrassed. He's on the 4th floor and figures that he can change the sheets himself and toss them out the window and no one will know that it was him. During this time, there is a drunk guy stumbling outside along the hospital wall. When the old guy in the hospital tossed his soiled sheets out the window, they happened to fall upon the stumbling dr


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