Commission
Jokes
The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Trump
However, the stamp wasn't sticking to the envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a detailed enquiry into the matter
After weeks of testing and $ 1 million in Congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings
"The stamp is in perfect order
There is nothing wrong with the adhesive
It's just t
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A triumph of the European Commission
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEThe European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEDid you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys next year?
It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEBad Dad Joke:
Q: Did hear about the meeting the Democrats had with the Republicans about marijuana legalization?
A: They assembled a joint commission
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEA military airfield, a test of new aircrafts. A special commission is standing and watching.
Suddenly, a huge bomb falls off one plane, which was going to take off, and begins to roll in the direction of the commission. All fall to the ground, except the old colonel. The bomb rolls straight towards him. He stopped it with his foot, without removing the cigarette from his mouth.
A young officer approaches him: Why aren't you hiding?
Colonel
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEI heard it long ago, may be a repost. Ill try my best.
Three government officers - an American, an Indian, and a Nepali - meet at a party. Multiple important guests are present, a wide variety of dishes available, and renowned entertainers in view.
The host, the American officer , points to a distant bridge and tells the other two," See that bridge over there? I got a 3% commission when awarding the contract for it and organised this part
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEI got a surprisingly big bonus from selling a hotel in Madrid
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Commission
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEStatue of Pushkin
Meeting of Cultural commission of Supreme Soviet of USSR, 1950. Consensus on commissioning of giant statue of Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin, russian poet.
1st possibility - Pushkin sitting in chair, reading a book of Generalissimus Stalin. - historically impossible, denied.
2nd possibility - Generalissimus Stalin sitting in chair, reading a book of Pushkin. - politicaly r
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEThe European Commission decided to adopt English as their official language
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. The Government of Ireland conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEWhen Professionals are out of commission, their replacements are called "Substitutes."
Guess there were some issues when they tried calling them "Prostitutes"
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEAn attendant to President Trump comes in and tells him "Sir, your commission has reported that three Brazilian illegals voted for Hillary."
And so he yells "I knew it! Now how many is a 'brazilian'?"
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEThe Police Officer fronted the press conference...
“A major incident happened at the Goodsprings Buddhism and Yoga Retreat this morning. To put it frankly, it was a bloodbath,” explained the Commissioner.
A sea of hands go up from the journalists.
“When did this happen, and why?” asked the first.
The Commission replied “Pre-meditation.”
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEA man is facing trial for a motor vehicle theft.
Judge: "This is a serious charge, young man. How do you plead to these allegations?"
*The man whispers something quietly to his lawyer*
Lawyer: Are... Are you sure?
Man: Yes, absolutely.
Lawyer: "Your honor, the defendant would like to plead guilty to the charges laid against
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEThe European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c&
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTESoviet Joke
After Stalin’s death, the Soviet nation decided to get rid of him once and for all and bury him as far away as possible. They set up a special commission.
The commission turned to the British government with the request that they make available a plot in a British cemetery.
“Well,” replies the British government, ”we do already have Karl Marx in England . . . Tw
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEWhat's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears?
A gf gif gift grift
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEA Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack
A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
”A woman,” asks the Frenchman.
”A telephone,” says the Jew.
”A cigarette,” says the Polack.
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEJust watched The Martian
I found it odd that NASA would commission SpaceX to make the Iris probe.
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEThe European Commission has announced that English is the official Language of the EU
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c&
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEThe European Commission
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c&
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEChubby Chasers Ice cream truck
Premier Realty closes abruptly
Owner’s real estate license suspended
Offices of Premier Realty Services in St. Marys and Emporium closed abruptly last week, four months after owner Kevin Berry’s (NOW OWNER OF PERVETED NAME iCE CREAM TRUCKS)real estate license was suspended by the Pa. Real Estate Commission.
Berry was ordered to pay a civil penalty of $2,000 and
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEIn the light of Greece striking a deal with EU, an oldy goldy about European Commission
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c&
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEWhy couldn't the hat salesman make anymore money?
He already met his commission cap.
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEDid you hear about the mishap at the Asia Summit?
The Chinese government is seeking answers after the recent Beijing Conference. Apparently, several of Obama’s and Putin’s private bodyguards were the last to use one of the royal toilets before it was reported clogged.
Obama announced that he will ask congress to create a commission to investigate the incident while Putin denies that his forces ever entered the bathroom.<
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEChinese demography
The year is 2030- The birth rates in China are out of control and the population hits 2 billion. So in an attempt to curb population growth Chinese government invite foreign specialist to open vasectomy clinics.
The first clinic is built by Americans and performs 1000 operations a week. The second clinic is opened by the Japanese and performs 5000 operations per week. The third is o
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEWhy is there only one Monopolies Commission?
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTEThe day after Stalin's death...
...the Soviet nation decided to get rid of him once and for all and bury him as far away as possible. They set up a special commission.
The commission turned to the British government with the request that they make available a plot in a British cemetery.
“Well,” replies the British government, ”we do already have Karl Marx in England … Two such g
0UPVOTEDOWNVOTE