Comeback

Jokes

The insult fight that night. (True story)

When I was in my 20s, I worked night shifts in factories. During our meal breaks, conversations often got rowdy, and usually became insult fights.

One night at work during our meal break, I got into an insult fight with the man mountain redneck coworker. I was winning, as usual, when I said something that struck too close to home for him. He looks at me and says, "I'd call


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Since Nixon and Bush have been made to look like credible politicians

Tammany Hall be like, "Don't call it a comeback, we never left!"

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No u

Me: you fucking pussy i hate you, go fuck yourself

Guy with greatest comeback ever: No u

Me: ok? Yo fcking pssy i hate yo, go fck yorself

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My comeback against my kid today

Me: *picks up a toy burger from his toy stove while he is cheerfully playing*

Him: Put it back or I'll tell the cops.

Me: Pretty sure they won't bother over some patty crime.

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New comeback against theists:

Theists: Children are a gift of God.
Me, an intellectual: so you're saying God fucked your mom?

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Fat Joke Comeback

I wouldn't be so fat if every time I fucked your mom and rolled over she stopped making me sandwiches.

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Comeback?

Once somebody said I was adopted, but I hit him with a “Yeah, your mom would like me”

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You should never pick a fight with a boomerang.

They always have a comeback.

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Two of my colleagues were messing with me the other day

I called one an asshole and then called the other an asshole shortly after that. He responded "I thought he(other guy) was the asshole". I told him "This ain't fucking Highlander, there can be more than one."

I was pretty happy with that comeback... Then I realized I'm old cause both of them looked at me like I was crazy. I guess Highlander isn't too


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What will 2 comeback team say to each other on 1st of June

Liverpool : "You score first."
Tottenham : "No, after you."

Game ends with a penalty shootout =_=!

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The Night King may be dead...

...but fear not, the measles are on their comeback tour.

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Can't wait for tomorrow and NSync's comeback album entitled..

It's gonna be May.

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A girl once told me it always seems like men share one brain.

I couldn’t think of a good comeback since it wasn’t my turn to use the brain.

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You know, Ireland has really made a comeback since the potato famine...

Everyday the population is Dublin

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Best bully comeback joke

Why did the chicken cross the road don't know to get to the idiots house knock knock who's there the chicken

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Did you hear the good news about reincarnation?

It's making a comeback!

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My friend and I had a contest to see who could successfully use the pullout method of contraception the most.

He was winning but then I made a comeback.

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A woman asked on yahoo answers "What is a good comeback when a guy tells me to GO MAKE A SANDWICH?"

Apparently, "Well, You better comeback with a good sandwich" wasn't an appropriate answer.

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I just destroyed my nephew with this comeback...

So i was listening to bohemian rhapsody when my nephew says to me:

Why are you listening to that song, its so old?

i replied: so what? your mums old but you still listen to her.

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Breaking News: Russian Roulette to make a comeback in the Tokyo 2020 Summer Olympics.

Is this at least kinda funny? Asking for a friend...

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I heard that Louis CK is trying to make a comeback.

You think he'll pull it off?

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I go to Northern Oklahoma University. Someone asked me "what college let someone as stupid as you in?" I couldn't think of a clever comeback so I just said

No U

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Have you heard about boomerangs?

They're making a comeback.

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I heard that analog was making a comeback

I don't really get it, anal log stinks

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Comeback help!!

Happy halloween time, yall!

I'm going to a halloween party tonight and my best friend is bringing her ex ("well, we already bought the couples costume, and he said he still wanted to come..." ๐Ÿ™„).
I know he won't know what my costume is (Kiki from Kiki's Delivery Service), so if /when he asks "what are you supposed to be?" I want to be able


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Three men are exploring a lush forest and are captured by a tribe, they must complete a task if they want to live.

The leader told them to head back into the forest and look for 10 fruits of their choice. They must comeback and put each one up their ass and not react in anyway, if they do they will die on the spot, but if they don't they live. The first man leaves and comeback with 10 apples, by the 5th he started crying, killed on the spot. The second man left and returned with 10 grapes, it was going go


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The men were venturing through a lush forest and we're captured by a tribe.

The leader told them to head back into the forest and look for 10 fruits of their choice. They must comeback and put each one up their ass and not react in anyway, if they do they will die on the spot, but if they don't they live. The first man leaves and comeback with 10 apples, by the 5th he started crying, killed on the spot. The second man left and returned with 10 grapes, it was going go


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They say invisible ink is making a comeback

I can't see it happening

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My wife insulted me saying I suck at finishing stories.

That’s when I hit her with the sickest burn / comeback of all time.

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The Greatest Comeback Story

What is the greatest comeback story of all time?

Kim Kardashian, I think in the video she gets some cum on her back


Parks and Rec is just a cesspool of great jokes

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Everyone loves a good comeback story, like Rocky or RDJ.

Hell, even Kim Kardashian. In the video, she got cum on her back. I think.

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What is a dermatologists comeback for everything?

Oooh sick burn

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There was a scientist that used to be famous, then one day he mixed nobelium and uranium suddenly he was famous again

I guess you could say it was a hell of a comeback

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What do you call a witty comeback you see on rjokes?

A riposte

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What's a comeback that's twice as good as "no u"?

No w

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Everyone loves a good comeback story, right?

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Little Jimmy and the Clown

Little Jimmy loves clowns, especially Bob the clown. The circus Bob works in comes to town on Jimmy's 8th birthday, lo and behold he gets to go and he gets picked to do a special act with Bob the clown.

Bob asks him "Are you the horse's head?" Little Jimmy replies, "No." Then Bob says "Well, then you must be the horses ass!" The crowd starts la


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Whats a good comeback from when your husband asks you to go make him a sandwich?

The only way to comeback is with a goddamn sandwich...


Edit: my wife is the smartest most amazing person I’ve ever known and she thought this joke was funny... so if you don’t, there’s obviously something wrong with your sense of humor.

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Funny Comeback

Teacher: where is your homework?
Kid: at home.
Teacher: why is it at home?
Kid: it's called HOME work for a reason.
Teacher: are you being smart with me!
Kid: this IS school isn't it? Aren't you supposed to be smart.

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"Sorry someone hacked my Facebook"

The best comeback when coming out fails.

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Comeback for all of you going to the Olympics.

Wow, this (item) is so expensive in Rio!

That's why it's called Rio de dinero...

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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it goes out for milk and doesn't comeback.

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Nice comeback

But if I'd want my cum back, I'd have to take it from your mum's chin.

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Don't call it a comeback..

.. It's mostly in your hair.

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Do you want my comeback?

Then go scrape it off your mums teeth

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I heard Plexiglass coffins are making a comeback, but...

Remains to be seen.

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The comeback to every insult.

"If you want my cumback you would have to get it at your mum's yourself."

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The Cosby Show Comeback

The 80's TV series "The Cosby Show" is being reprised with Bill Cosby characters name being slightly altered from "Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable" to "Dr. Creep-Dick Fucktable.

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What is the comeback that fits well with any argument?

Not a joke. Just want to see funny comments.

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Speaking of tragedies, everyone should check out John Mulaney's brand new Netflix special, The Comeback Kid.

Is it too soon?

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