Collector

Jokes

My dad is an empty bottle collector.

Sounds so much better than alcoholic.

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A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client

He says,

"John, I have some good news and some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."

The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she c


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Why does debt collector enjoy new bar ?

It has some extra feechairs.

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I am an avid collector of fecal matters. Last night my house got robbed. I was so mad.

I lose my shit

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My friend is an absolutely fanatical collector of old Beatles records.

I think it's got to the stage where he needs Help!

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When will we use this in the REAL world?

Math Class

Student: When will we use this in the REAL world?

Teacher: Never, when you're a garbage collector.

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Why does C have no garbage collector?

Because nothing would be left.

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I just got my ass kicked by a British debt collector

Pound for pound, not very pleasant.

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What did one Pixar collector say to the other?

I’m never going to give you Up.

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A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client



and said to him, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."

The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum


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Rabbi the Collector

I knew a Rabbi who kept all of the foreskins he removed. He had them tanned, then made into a wallet.

It’s very impressive.

If you stroke it, it turns into a suitcase.

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The Art Colletor



A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Saul, I have some good news
and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."

The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informe


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The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly

collections from all the private businesses that they were ' protecting ' . Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deafperson for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn ' t be able tocommunicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it i


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A lawyer, garbage collector, and hair stylist sit down at a bar

The lawyer orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it right away. The garbage collector orders some tequila and downs it immidiatly. The hair stylist says "I don't do shots" and then quickly dies of polio.

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What did the antiquities museum acquisitions director say to the arts benefactor and collector of early Renaissance paintings?

S3ND NUD3S

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What did the antiquities museum acquisitions director say to the arts benefactor and collector of early Renaissance paintings?

S3ND NUD3S

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People often talk about how Hitler was a failed artist

But they rarely give him credit for being a great art collector.

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A homeless man, a stamp collector, and a billionaire find a genie lamp.

They pick it up, and as usual, a genie pops out. The genie says, "I will grant you each one wish for anything physical. However, whatever you wish for will fly out of your mouth."

The homeless man says, "A trillion dollars. I want to use that money to give me and my family a good life." Instantly, ten billion 100-dollar bills flew out of his mouth and into a pile i


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There was once a ticket collector in the bus

Every day he saw an old man boarding the bus at noon. One day, while the man was stepping on the bus, the collector stuck a foot in between and the old man fell and died.

The collector was called to a court and it was decided that he would get an electric shock to teach him a lesson.
The wires were set up but when the current was passed nothing happened.
They decided to l


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Five programmers walk into a bar...

The first programmer orders a shot of Singleton.

Second programmer fails to repeat the same order.

Third programmer just Decorates first programmer's drink.

Fourth programmer git vommit too early.

Fifth programmer throws ArrayIndexOutOfBoundException.

Sixth programmer has been unconscious there waiting to be picked up by a garba


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What do you call debt collector that goes after drug dealers?

A weed wacker.

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What did the detective say to the golden turd collector who's house has been ransacked

"Sir, You have officially lost all your shit".

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The paranoid coin collector

Why was the coin collector paranoid

All his pennies were Lincoln(linking) up

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What did the classical art museum acquisitions director say to the arts benefactor and collector of early Renaissance paintings?

S3ND NUD3S

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A father tells his 4 year old son

Father: When the debt collector knocks on our door later tell him that daddy is not around, ok?

Son: Okay daddy.

15 mins later..

(Debt collector knocks on the door)

Son: *Shouts* Daddy says he’s not here!

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The Kadink Kadonk Machine

There was once a very rich collector, he owned many valuable and rare items. One day, whilst talking to a friend they discussed rare items.


“I own nearly every valuable rare item known to man” said the rich collector.


“I know something you don’t own” said his friend.


“What’s that?” th


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What is the difference between a Star Wars action-figure collector who smokes e-cigarettes and a Catholic Priest?

One is a toy-loving vapist, and the other...

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I have just applied for a job as a litter collector.

They asked if I had any relevant experience but I said I will just pick it up as I go along.

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I remember seeing a garbage collector joke on here

But it was just a throwaway joke

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The difference between a hoarder and a collector...

...is only discrimination.

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There was plenty in the land that year,

when the tax collector called upon the farmer. “80% of your harvest proceeds are now ours. Pay up now.”

There was dearth in the land the next year, when the tax collector called on the farmer. “80% of the savings we know you have put by for hard times. Pay up now.”

There was famine in the land the year after that, when the tax collector called. &ld


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What's the difference between a Taxidermist and a Tax Collector?

A taxidermist only takes your skin...

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A wealthy art collector got a call from his lawyer...

Lawyer: I have good news and bad news.

Art Collector: I've had a bad day, so lets start with the good news.

Lawyer: Well, your wife has invested a couple hundred dollars in a a few pictures that she expects to get a couple million for.

Art Collector: That's great! What's the bad news?

Lawyer: Well, the pictures are of you and your


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My relationship with a comic book collector didn't turn out well

They had a lot of issues

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"I lost my job as a rubbish collector."

"Come on," my friend said. "Spill the beans?"


"Not exactly," I replied. "But I was caught stealing from one of them."

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Why couldnt the faeces collector double his investments?

Because nobody gave two shits

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Art Collector

An attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."

The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures


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NSFW In a village in India, the district collector is giving a talk about vasectomy

At the end of the talk he asks if there are any questions.

One villager raises his hand. "Have you had a vasectomy?"

The district collector says "No I have not had a vasectomy"

The villager asks "Has the district police commissioner had a vasectomy?"

The district collector say "As far as I know, the district po


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Did you know that gorillas prefer doggy style?

It makes my job as an ape sperm collector a real pain in the ass.

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A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him

and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she cou


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What is the meaning of life for a debt collector who hunts grape farmers?

Raisin debt

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A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client......

He said, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first.”
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.”


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"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose


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Hey girl, are you a garbage collector?

Because I'd like you to grab my junk.

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What happened to the coin collector when he died?

He a-cent-ted into Heaven

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I used to be a rubbish collector.

Now I'm pretty good.

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What did the magazine collector say to the psychiatrist?

"Doc, I got issues."

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Have I told you lately...

...is the least romantic line a toll-collector ever said to his girlfriend.

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Custer's Last Thought

There was a man who was a fanatic and collector of Old Western artifacts, documents, etc. Cowboys and Indians, this guy wanted it all.

After a while of staring at his already large collection, he thinks for a moment and suddenly gets and idea on how to increase it furthermore. So he calls up a painter and asks "I want you to paint me a picture describing Custer's Last Though


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I own 2 types of fossilised animal excrement

I'm a shit collector.

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