Collapse

Jokes

Superman was taking a stroll one night

As he walks past the local church, the priest runs out to him and says "Superman, you've got to help us. The walls that lead to the basement has collapse, and there are people trapped down there!!

"No way", he replies. "I can't go near the crypt tonight!"

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Astrophysicists can be quite the jokers too at times.

Some time ago, a famous astrophysicist told me this very astrophysical joke :


"Yo mama's so fat that she'll collapse into a black hole the instant she stops farting"

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Guy 1: Hey man, what's up?

Guy 2: Instances of Colony Collapse Disordwr.

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A policeman and a duck walk into a bar

A policeman and a duck walk into a bar. "Give the duck anything he wants", says the policeman. The bartender says, "we don't usually serve ducks, but since he's with you, sure. What'll you have, duck?"

"I've tried drinking and it doesn't help. Just kill me."

The bartender asks the cop, "What's his problem?&


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We should have known the Soviet Union would collapse.

There were a lot of red flags.

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The Golden State Warriors just suffered the second biggest sports collapse to date...

First probably has to go to Notre Dame.

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Stellar black holes are formed by the collapse of a massive star.

Fingers crossed it's James Corden

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Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

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Why did the wedding cake collapse?

It was two tiered.

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There's no need to become a Star

Because in the end, just like all stars, you too will collapse under your own pressure

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An islander walks up to a hooker

And after checking the price he says “hey I want to do it island style”
“Sure “ she says as they begin to go at it hammer and tongs through every position and technique known to man, and each time she would ask “was that island style?” to which the answer every time was “no.. no.. no.. no.. no.. “
On and on they go until finally her repe


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A Russian engineer, a German engineer and a Turkish engineer are all working on a building

After 10 months of hard work, the building is finally constructed....

Then it collapses

Nyet! My bricks! Screams the Russian Engineer

Nein! My steel! Cries the German engineer

And the Turkish engie says "well gee, if the building was going to collapse anyway I'm glad I didn't waste any of my mortar on it"


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Anti-vaxxers...

...are like if somebody decided to swim across a crocodile-infested river because they're afraid the bridge will collapse

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How do you get Trump to put down an umbrella?

Getting to try and walk through a plane door with it. His staff will collapse it for him.

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Why did the boat dock collapse under it's own weight?

Too much pier pressure.

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Why did the financial system collapse in ancient Egypt?

Pyramid schemes.

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Another 3rd floor apartment collapse

Last night in Dallas a third floor apartment collapsed onto the apartment below. 12 women who were having a meeting in apartment 304 were injured.
It was a Jenny Craig meeting.

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I just witnessed record breaking sprinter collapse out of breath...

He was inspiring

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Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?

Ah well, we won't go over it then.

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All this time, the US thought it won after the collapse of the Soviet Union.

Little did we know that Russia had the ultimate trump card.

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What do gymnasts and FIUs bridge collapse victims have in common?

A flat stomach with rock hard abs.

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TIL a fundamental limit exists on the amount of information that can be stored in a given space: about 1069 bits per square meter. Regardless of technological advancement, any attempt to condense information further will cause the storage medium to collapse into a black hole.

Otherwise known as the space needed for your mom's sex tape

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What do the GOP and the Great Barrier Reef have in common?

"Complete Ecosystem Collapse"

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Why did the Ottoman empire collapse?

Once your stack of Ottomans gets to a certain height it will fall over.

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This holiday season, get your girl a Jared Diamond

...but get her Collapse--she's probably already read Guns, Germs, and Steel.

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Have you heard about the collapse of the boxer shorts industry?

apparently it was quite brief.

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The planet would be a better place if people would just be who they truly are.

Human civilization would collapse within a week...

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Jet Li and Jackie Chan now work as a police detective

In one of their most famous cases, they were tasked to investigate the arson of a building which led to its collapse. After a bit of investigation, Jet Li found some convincing evidence that a contractor by the name of Mr Foo was responsible for the crime. Jackie however, was uncertain.

 

"We've found no tools that could have possibly been used for


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Shore Leave

Late one night, an internist receives a call from an unknown number. Remembering his oath, he answers and finds an old raspy woman on the line, the Madame of the local bordello, who begs him to help. Down at the wharf he finds the Madame completely confused and scared pointing at her girls who are all visibly ill.

Examining the first girl he finds her dizzy and nauseous, but none the


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911. Get over it.

So I was like totally looking in to 9/11 and what happened on that day, and I saw all these crazy conspiracies and I was like 'so what!, who ares about advanced knowledge of the attacks, or like concrete video proof of explosions or, whatever. Starbucks has a new pumpkin-spice latte so, duh, don't bore me with your whole 'terrorists can't pull off synchonzed attacks within our


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Thoughts

Some think the economy is slowly recovering. Others think it's on the verge of collapse. I think about boobs mostly.

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Is knowing of collapse of supermarket in Latvia?

Is sad but now has five more potato for all of Latvia.

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Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race? (WTF?)

His thighs were burning too bad.

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