Clock

Jokes

A man dies and goes to heaven....

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Three KGB inspectors decide visit a Siberian prison

They decide to check on three young prisioners who started working recently but were put in prison, and ask them some questions.

The first inspector asks the first prisoner:"How did you get in here?

He answers:"For the past week my clock would wake me up early so I came into work early, they accused me of being a spy and put me in here.


The s


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Why did the clown through his clock out the window.

Because he wanted to see time fly.

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Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming

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I shot my grandfather clock

I was just trying to kill some time.

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What did the little hand on the clock say to the big hand?

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Hickory dickory doc, three mice ran up a clock

The clock struck one and the other two came down with minor injuries.

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Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock.

The clock struck one.....The others escaped with minor injuries.

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Someone wrote a book on clock fetishes.

It's about fucking time.

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A businessman has designed a clock which moves one minute forward whenever it hears someone swear. To test it, he decided to set it up in three bars different bars.

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A man walks into the bar...

He looks at the clock. It's 11:53. He looks away for two minutes. When he looks back, it's 11:55.

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Three men stand before the heavens gate...

Petrus comes out with a hangover and says:,, Guys im really not in the mood for that shit please come back tomorrow.'' The three men protest and after a long disussion Petrus finally gives in and says: Ok, if you tell me the story how you died and i find it funny yu can come in.'' The first man starts:,, I've been working as a detective for 8 years and every day i would co


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Did you hear about the boy who ate his alarm clock?

Apparently it was really time consuming

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My stupid alarm clock broke last night.

I woke up and it said "404".

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I tried to eat a clock the other day

But It was time consuming

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I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.

I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.

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Hickorey Dickorey dock....

3 mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The other two escaped with minor injuries

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My Friend Have An Alarm Clock You Hit Powerfully And It Snoozes Longer

I Tried With Mine And It Work My Is On Snooze Permanently!

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Good math is like a good clock.

It just takes a rhythm, a tick.

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I ate a clock the other day

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A man is sleeping on his bed

Suddenly a white figure appears before him proclaiming:
-I am the midnight ghost and I'm here to haunt you!
The man looks at his clock and then says:
-Dude go away it's 11:30 pm

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I tried eating a clock the other day.

It was really time consuming.

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What's the best way to kill time?

You shoot the clock

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I once made a cake that looked like a clock

The fondant made it pretty time-consuming to eat, but it was pretty good anyway

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Imagine trying to eat a clock

It would be so time consuming

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Finally found a new job after being unemployed for a long time. I work at a clock tower, using a long straw to remove water that accumulates behind the glass so the giant clock face doesn't rust.

It pays well, but the work sucks big time.

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At What Time Does A Nazi Go To Bed?

Nein o' Clock

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Can a clock make a flea fly?

No, but it can make a tick talk.

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Can a clock make a flea fly?

No, but it can make a tick talk.

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Eating a clock would be very time consuming.

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What's the worst part about eating a clock?

It's very time consuming.

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I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59pm and the clock struck midnight..

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Why do paedophiles like 3pm on a digital clock?

Because it's not quite 16.

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We went to see a Mexican magician......

He told us that for his final act he would disappear. He lifted up a clock he has to his waist. He proclaimed "uno, dos", flung his cloak up and was gone without a tres.

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A man died and went to heaven

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly white gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What are those clocks for?"
St. Peter Answered "Those are lie clocks, everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time you lie your clock will move."
"Oh" said the man, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa&#


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Donkey balls clock

So an American man is wondering around Mexico and begins to wonder what time it is. The American spots a Mexican man having a siesta and decides to wake the Mexican. The American man asks, "Senor, do you know what time it is?" The Mexican man looks to a donkey beside him, places his hand on the donkey's balls and lifts them up for a second, then releases the donkey's balls. The


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A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move."

"Oh," said the man as he pointed at one of them, "Whose clock is that?"

St. Peter replied, "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands


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Dad fried the chicken on the wall clock at 9: 45 am because it was 180 degrees.

It got burnt left and right

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A man died and went to heaven...

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks, everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's M


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What sound does a clock make in India?

Tikka tock

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There's a new name for when the clock says 9:11

Plane Time.

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A man died and went to heaven.

As he stood in front of St Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "what are those clocks?"
St Peter answered, "those are Lie-Clocks, everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh." Said the man. "Who's clock is that?"
"That


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So I just got a job repairing clocks

Though I think I'm a little behind schedule because I don't have a functional clock

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Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven..

As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary," whose clock is that?"


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Yesterday I ate a clock.

It was very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds.

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Have you heard the story about the watch, clock and sandglass?

It's about time.

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Hickery Dickery Dock

The mice ran up the clock.

The clock struck one.

The other got away with minor injuries...

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Man dies and goes to heaven

Man dies and goes to heaven, he is greeted by an angel. The angel takes him to a room full of clocks. Surprised, the man asks the angel as to why there are so many clocks. The angel replies “Every man has a clock, every time he lies the clock moves one second”.

The man asks to show Lincoln’s clock. Angel says “here, it has moved only one second”. The man


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They're finally making a clock movie.

It's about time.

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What time is it when the clock strikes 13?

Time to fix the clock.

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