Climax

Jokes

The Writer and the Sherpa

One day, a writer was traversing the Himalayas along with a Sherpa who was an author as well. The Sherpa's books were mostly horrible.

They stopped for a moment at base camp and began to talk.

"Teach me how to climb", the writer said, "and in return, I'll tell you how to write a great autobiography." "Alright, I will." the Sherpa re


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The wife and I went to a swingers night.

However, when we got there the only other people to turn up were my mum's sister and her husband.

Turned out to be a bit of an aunty climax.

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I lost my virginity to my Dad's sister

Talk about an anti-climax

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How do you call the last few strokes before climax?

Finishing touches

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What do you call it when you have sex and climax in a Massachusetts girl?

Boston Creme Pie

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You know that feeling where you need to sneeze?

And you just keeping waiting, trying to get to that point of climax but after all that anticipation you end up not sneezing and you are just left feeling empty and dissapointed?

Sucks doesn't it?

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I havent seen the movie When Harry met Sally

But I watched the climax multiple times

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A man walks into a joke store...

There are three lines.

He joins one and slowly moves up the queue.

He sees all three lines head towards a big sin that says: "The End of the Joke"

He sees the guy at the end of the first line get given a tonne of cash and he runs out laughing.

He sees the guy at the end of the second line given a knee-trembling BJ by a gorgeous woman ,


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My girlfriend said she reached climax...

...but I'm no fool -- it was just sargasm.

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What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?

Climax.

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Porn flicks have some of the most disastrous writing

They always end on the climax.

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Sex with me is like watching Memento.

You'll get a climax in the middle.

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I Started dating a disabled woman a few weeks ago and decided to spice things up a notch

So we ended up going to the Park at Night to have sex

She says, "My arms are pretty strong, why don't you take me to the Monkey bars, I can hang and we can do it that way."

before she can even climax we we're spotted by a bunch of park rangers.

sadly to say, i just left her hanging


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I started dating a disabled woman a few weeks back and decided to spice things up a notch.

So we ended up going to the Park at Night
She thinks and says, "My arms are pretty strong, why don't you take me to the Monkey bars, I can hang and we can do it that way."

before she can even climax we we're spotted by a bunch of park rangers.

sadly to say, i just left her hanging


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Worst way to end the sex.

Climax followed by a firm handshake.

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Fifty Shades of Grey has no plot.

It's just all climax.

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The new iPhones are at the climax of political correctness

It's not XL, it's XS Max.

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Im on a new medication and one of the side effects is not being able to climax during sex.

Now I know how my wife has felt since we started dating :(

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How do you bring a female mathematician to climax?

Find the right angle.

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A guy was going abroad for his job

He didn't want his lady love to feel sexually left out when he wasn't present and make love with other men.

So he gifted her the magic dildo.

The magic dildo had remarkable capabilities. All you had to do was say "Magic dildo" followed by where you wanted it to insert itself and it would almost as if come out of nowhere and give you the best climax yo


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I watched a porno version of The Invisible Man but I missed the climax.

Never saw him coming.

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A man walks into a whore house and asks what he can get for a dollar.

"You can get a penguin" says the pimp at the front desk.

"A penguin? Sounds sweet!"

The pimp brings the man back to a room and a fine young woman walks in and tells him to drop his pants.

"Oh boy im in for a good one!"

She starts going down on him and as soon as he's about to reach climax she gets up and walks o


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What was the climax of the Farming movie?

When the plot thickened.

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What was the climax during the Farming movie?

When the plot thickened

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A poor man visits a brothel.

He goes up to the brothel keeper and says "I want to have sex with the most beautiful woman here, but I don't have a lot of money".

The brothel keeper thinks about it for a while and gives him an offer. "You can have sex with the prettiest woman here, but we have some ugly women here whom nobody will have sex with. They come pretty cheap. You should first have sex


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Has anyone ever seen two ants have sex? I didn't think it was that great

It was an anty-climax

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I wrote a story about my sex life.

There was no climax

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My husband just had a heart attack during climax

He was nearly there - but then he was nearly gone.

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What do you call a pedophilic climax?

Premature ejaculation

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Have you tried the new, ultra-realistic vibrator?

"No, how does it work?"
"Right before you climax it comes, goes limp, farts, and turns itself off."

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Why do porn scenes use condoms during intercourse, but not during the blowjob and climax?

So they can see it coming

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There's a woman who's married to this guy...

...for quite some time. They have two wonderful children, respectively four and six years of age. She's quite happy with the relationship and otherwise has little issue with her husband aside from one thing. He always fucks her with the lights off.

She'd ask him about it from time to time but he'd casually brush her off, "I'll tell you about it some day."


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An Elderly Couple Go To A Sex Therapist...

To discuss ways to spice it up in the bedroom. "One way to enhance intimacy with each other is through simultaneous orgasms." The therapist said. "Have you ever experienced mutual climax?" "No," the old man replied. "We've always went with State Farm."

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My uncles wife is a sex therapist. (Possibly NSFW?)

I call her Aunty climax.

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My Chinese girlfriend abruptly left mid-way through sex..

when I was reaching my climax, I yelled "TAIWAN NUMBER 1"

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Hey baby, forget Netflix and chill

Let's Imax and climax

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What do books and sex have in common?

They both have a climax.

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Forget Netflix and Chill.

It's time for IMAX and Climax!

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A man with really bad stamina in bed

A man has the hottest wife in the world, who loves sex a lot. Problem was, he had can't even last 5 minutes in bed, no matter what he tried.

So he goes to see a doctor, who suggests that about an hour before sex he should masturbate, that way he'll be a bit less likely to cum as quickly.

One day, the man is in his car on the way home when he gets a call from his


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Is suicide sex a real thing?

When Muslims in the middle east have sex and he blows up at climax.

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What do Donald Trump and his wife have in common?

They both yell out Donald's name when they climax.

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Incestuous relationships often involve a aunty-climax

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I heard the BEST joke of my life the other day!

It was about an anti-climax

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Jeff Wayne came home one day to find his wife bringing herself to climax with a chocolate bar.

"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one" he said.

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Movie

The movie was very poignant. It moved her to tears. Especially the climax, where she felt a lump in her throat. The morning after, the doctor told her that she had throat cancer.

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I dated a soccer player once.

I also learned a new word that's in poor taste to yell out during climax.

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I just saw the movie 50 Shades of gray

You could say it had a huge climax.

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First and last

A newly-wed couple is consumating their marriage. At it's climax, the man says:

" -Honey, I'm going to start to call you Eve. "

" -Why?"

" -Because you were my first."

" -If that's the case, then I'll start calling you Peugeot."

" -Why, honey?"

"


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Why do Jews watch porn backwards?

Because they like to climax at the part when the hooker gives the money back.

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The average male only needs three minutes during sex to reach a climax. do you know the time of the average female?

Who fucking cares?

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