Clever

Jokes

What's the difference between a clever midget and an std?

One's cunning runt while the other's a running cunt

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What did the observant redditor say to the clever OP?

I see what you did there

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OC: What is a Democrats least favorite card game?

Spades.


Why?


Because spades are always Trump.



(Just came up with this one today. I thought it was rather clever)

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A British man visits a small American family farm... Long

And he's impressed at just how much food the farmer is able to grow on his small plot. "This is most impressive!" he says. "It seems like more than one family could eat, old boy! How do you deal with the excess?"

The farmer, a man of few words, replies: "We eat what we can, and what we can't, we can."

The British man thought this wa


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Daddy, I inherited my intelligence from you, right?

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Three men suddenly become aware they are in the set up to a joke. The first man says something clever. The second does something stupid. The third tries to kill Batman.

I guess we know who the real joker is...

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A Dutch man has invented shoes which have inbuilt sat-nav.

Clever clogs.

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A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A CLEVER GIRL AND HER MOM

Girl: Mom a boy at school wanted me to climb a tree.

Mom: I hope you didn't do so my girl because he wanted to see your pantie.

Girl:i knew it mum and I was very clever, i took it off before climbing the tree!

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Whenever I see a Baby On Board Bumper sticker, I think to myself..

The driver is either a really paranoid parent. Or a really clever child abductor.

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A 7 year old girl is walking through a fair with her two dogs

One dog is as black as charcoal and the other dog is white as snow. A man stops and says to her, "what lovely dogs you have there. What is that one's name?"

"Blackey," she replies, "because he is black"

"Oh that is very clever, and what is that one called?" he asks

"Porky," she says

"Why


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Dick is a clever word.

It's opposite is KCID and that's exactly where i put mine

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PSA: Doing wordplay all the time is not funny

You know those people, that try to make wordplay at every opportunity they can get, no matter how serious the situation? Like, they think they are being clever. Those people can be such a pun in the ass.

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Hi funny people I need your help.

I have a credit card that is made of metal and is very heavy. People frequently comment on how heavy it is and I have been trying to come up with a witty response for nearly two years now. I've tried, I'm hard on things, I think they are concerned I would wear it out and I take spending seriously but theose responses usually fall flat. Can anyone help me with my witt or lack there of? I


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I might be stupid

But i'm not very clever

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A clever man decides he is going to steal a car

Being clever he decides he seal steal a Tesla. The police find him and they say we are looking for this red Tesla. He reply’s this isn’t a Tesla, it’s an Edison

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Daddy, I inherited my intelligence from you, didnt I? - Thats right my clever girl!


“That makes sense, because mommy’s still got hers.”

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My dog is so clever, he can swallow a whole ball of string.

I shit you knot.

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Help here fellas

I'm trying to find a knock knock joke (or just any clever joke) with the name Rylie, any ideas?

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Knock knock

Who's there?
Little Boy Blue!
Little Boy Blue who?
Eh, insert whatever name's clever. I used to use Michael Jackson but then I feel like this joke died a long time ago...

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My son was sent home from school for swearing today.

I said, what did you say?

"The 'C' word."

I said "It wasn't clever, was it?"

He said, "no it was cunt."

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?

Clever Dick

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Need help with a clever response..

What can I do if whenever I hit my thumb with a hammer, it hurts?

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What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

Bananana

​

(The little one is quite clever)

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Interviewer: are you smart? Bob: I'm not smart, but I am clever. Interviewer: How so? Bob: in class, I sat next to the dumbest and second dumbest person in class, I'm the third dumbest, but by peeking at their tests, I got the highest score in the class.

Interviewer: how's that possible?
Bob: by process of elimination. None of our answers could be correct.

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I eat so much cheese, my blood type is notch "O"

Nacho - like Notch "O" - like "-O" like "o negative"...

There something clever here....

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Who is a vampire's least favourite porn star?

Allie Sin.

Lame, I know, but if you get it you get to feel clever for a little while.

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A clever way of telling if your kids asleep.

A man tells his kids,
“You beep when you sleep.”
The kid is super curious and keeps asking more questions. The dad ends up convincing his kid that he actually beeps when he sleeps.
The next night the dad peeked his head into his kids room to see if his kid was asleep.
*beep*
*beep*
*beep*
Now his kid makes beep noises when h


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A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,

a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.

She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."


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How do you know that a woman is about to say something clever?

She starts of the sentence saying "a man once told me..."

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What is the difference between a clever midget and a vinereal disease?

One is a cunning runt and the other is a running cunt.

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I had a clever new fencing joke to share.

Turns out it's just a riposte.

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Puma has created a smart shoe that ties itself via an app on your phone.

Clever idea, but I feel devices like these lack sole.

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Looking for: Comedic Prose Writers?

I'm looking for some clever prose/written jokes. Writers or written prose that when read and spoken is clever. Comment your reccomendations!

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What fo you call a man with no arms or legs but still managed to swim across the ocean?

Clever dick.

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Why cant you make fun of retarded dwarfs?

Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.

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Why cant you make fun of retarded dwarfs? (s)

Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.

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Got caught drink driving, but clever me drank the sample. Now I am in court.

For taking the piss..

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"You can't teach clever!"

"Yes you can!

It is a three step process:
Find what is normal

Then do the opposite!"

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The Lamest Joke I Ever Came Up With When I Was A Kid

I told this joke to my mom when I was probably 8 years old. Back then I thought it was clever, now I realize how horrible and lame it is 😂

Why did the orange wanna get out of the sun.... Because it was starting to peel

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Clever cult jokes from an initiate

What do you call a southern Baptist who drowns while being born again???DEAD IN THE WATER!!! What is the one question you should never ask a witch when they are dining in your restaurant???HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR STAKE!!! When Set chopped up Osiris into 14 pieces, Isis found all the parts except his dick...Myth says she couldn't find it...the truth...Old Ozzy just couldn't keep it in his pa


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Did you know that early gigolos had difficulty finding female customers, until one got the clever idea to offer vouchers of 20 back to anyone who sent him a review?

It's the first known example of a male-in rebate.

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What do you call a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism.

A riposte

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I was chatting with my neighbour who was bragging about how clever his dog was

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He said "he knows all his toys by name and will fetch certain items by command, he fetches my slippers, I can even send him to get the paper, from the newsagent" .

I said " I know he told me "

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Schlever

Adj. Person who is clever while having a stroke

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Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom.

Thought this was a clever one from the 8 year old I nanny

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Hit me with your best clever, yet kid friendly, jokes

Context: I work at a a company that works with large groups of children. At least 3 times a day someone if telling a joke to the whole audience. The problem is, I've been working here for 6 years and at this point there are very few kid friendly jokes that aren't the same 6-7 or ancient repeats from years past.

This, I ask of you:

Unleash the HaHa's and le


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SMART SUZY invented the most amazing thing.

It was an electronic hedge trimmer that was light years ahead. You controlled it with your phone and once it was on automatic, it would prune your shrubberies to minute perfection in all shapes and sizes.
Suzy’s invention was a smashing hit in her neighborhood, all about were so happy to have perfect trimmings and so much more extra time on their hands. People were overjoyed and so


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Id like to thank you guys for all these clever and cruel jokes

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Two kids meet on their first day of primary school.

"I've always been clever," says one kid. "I've been walking since I was 9 months old."
"You call that clever?" says the other. "I let them carry me around until I was 4."

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An Italian, a French and an English are in Africa exploring...

When, from the back of a bush, a ferocious lion comes up and roar to the explorers.
The Italian, the one with the sharpest eye of them all, he's already climbing on a nearby tree to save his own ass.
The French, the one with the finest hearing, start climbing on the same tree the same instant he hears the roar.
The English, the least clever of them all, scared like a little


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