Chopping

Jokes

My wife died .

I don't why but , is someone chopping onions.

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I saw my dad chopping up onions the other day and I cried.

Onions was such a good dog.

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Cut cut my finger chopping cheese

But I think I may have greater issues

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I saw my dad chopping onions today and I cried

Onions was such a good dog

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I saw my dad chopping up onions today.

I cried because onions was such a good dog

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I cried today when my dad was chopping up onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

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My wife caught me chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper...

...she said “Do you like dicing with death?”

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I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried

Onions was such a good dog

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How do you make a baby stop crying?

By chopping of its legs and putting it in a blender.

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Little boy bursts into the bathroom to see his naked mother climbing out of the shower

"Mummy - what's that thing between your legs"

Thinking fast the mother says "Well your daddy was chopping some wood one day and there was a mistake and that is where your father accidentally hit me with an axe"
"Great shot" says the kid "He got you right in the cunt!"


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My dad was in the kitchen chopping onions and I started to cry.

Onions was a good boy.

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I was chopping a tree for firewood

As I chopped the tree I asked it some difficult questions but it never answered.

It was stumped.

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King

Once upon a time, there was a king. The king was a strong king. A good king. A fit king. His name was lion. Then a tribe called Humans rose. The animal kingdom was angry at their chopping down of trees so they decided to mimic them so they could hopefully win. Apes walked on two, giraffes became tall. And most of all they changed the king. ALL HAIL KING SLOTH.


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What's the difference between an onion and a whore?

I don't cry when I'm chopping up a whore

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A man is chopping down a tree

Tree: Oww!
Man: Stop Screaming
Tree: Stop chopping me!
Man: This is my job
Tree: But Im a talking tree
Man: Then you must certainly dialogue..

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2 luberjacks are chopping down a tree.

2 lumberjacks are chopping down a tree.
The first one asks, "hey, we really aren't making enough money with just getting and selling wood. How are we going to make more money?"
After thinking for a while, the second carpenter says, "We could try carpentry."
Then the first one says, "that woodwork."


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Circumcising and lumberjacking are very similar

You’re chopping wood.

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What did the goose say to the chicken?

My neck might be long but YOUR neck is on the chopping block every night, in many households, both domestic and abroad!

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Sometimes I' even cry when I'm chopping carrots tomatoes and beetroot .

I don't want the Onion to think is personal .

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Long ago there was a kingdom

Long ago there existed a kingdom where a young man by the name of Tibblebottoms Thesecond (pronounced theese-conned) grazed the fields of green Salabama, the fifth province of the kingdom of Come. He spent his days as afarmer, tending to his fields of wheat and seed, day after day, grueling morning after grueling morning, sunburning night after sunburning night. Tibblebottoms would rather I become


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I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried

Onions was my favorite vegetable

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What do they call a chopping block for rosters

A cock block

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I came up with an idea about how to stop crying while chopping onions

Unfortunately, I've run out of fingers to try it with.

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What did the lumberjack say while chopping down a tree in Halloween Town?

Tim Buurrrrrton

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Why did the lumberjack quit his job chopping wood?

Because he couldn't hack it

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Why did he lumberjack quit his job chopping wood?

Because he couldn't hack it

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Why didnt the Congolese karate Kid didnt want to play against the Belgian one ?

He heard the Belgian had some hand-chopping moves up his sleeve.

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A lumberjack was out in a forest chopping down trees....

He was about to chop down one when it said,"Hey, I'm a talking tree. Down cut me down." So the lumberjack replied,"Well,I guess you'll just dialogue".

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A lumberjack was out in a forest chopping down trees....

He was about to chop down one when it said,"Hey, I'm a talking tree. Down cut me down." So the lumberjack replied,"Well,I guess you'll just dialogue".

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A father and son are chopping wood

Son: Hey dad, I think I want to be a pilot!

Dad: Great! Start over there, grab that wood and pile it.

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There once was a noble who was accused of conspiracy against his country...

When brought before the court, he was given a chance to out the people he was conspiring with to spare himself, but the noble refused to give any information. After trying several times the court gave up, convicted him of conspiracy, and sentenced him to death by way of beheading on the chopping block.

All the way up until his execution date, the noble refused to talk, but just as


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My dishwasher is acting weird

Its chopping vegetables too

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Im a grown and to this day theres only one thing that will make me cry uncontrollably.

And that’s chopping god damn onions in a packed subway, Seriously, why would you do that lady I sat next too.

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A buddy of mine called and asked what I was up to, I told him "Chopping wood and milking my cows..."

"...then later I'm gonna chop the cows and milk my wood."

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My spare hatchet is much worse than my primary at chopping

There's a sharp contrast.

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There once was a man named Ivan who lived with his family in a Siberian forest...

After years of living in the harsh region, Ivan became rough, tough, hard to bluff, and extremely used to hardship.

He was large, muscular, and able to chop down a fully grown Siberian pine tree with one swing of his axe. This came in handy as Ivan had to chop down many trees to be used as firewood so his wife and children could stay warm. Everyday, starting at 4am and ending 10pm, Iv


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A Two-Fer: How is an onion different from a baby?

Answer 1: Onions don't scream when you peel off their skin.

Answer 2: I tear up a little bit when I'm chopping up onions.

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I hurt myself chopping wood

It was a stupid axeident

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I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry.

Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.

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Why did the lumberjack stop chopping trees?

Because he had an axeident.

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What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I've never cried when chopping up a hooker.

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In Canada we get those hipsters thinking they're lumberjacks

Chopping down trees yelling TIMBLR!!

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I cried when my dad was chopping onions.

Onions was a good dog, i miss him´╗┐...

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I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog, i miss him...

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Buddies from Minneapolis and Boston went camping in the north woods of Minnesota.

To save money on the airfare, the Boston guy had all his gear shipped to Minneapolis.
They drove up to their camping site for the night and needed a lot of firewood for the trip, so they each found a tree nearby.
When they finished chopping their trees the guy from Boston yells,
"Timbahhhhh,"
But his tree just stood there, seemingly defying gravity.
The Min


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Whats the difference between chopping and axing?

[deleted]

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A red indian tribe asks a pagen about the upcoming winter.

They ask him 'is it gonna be a cold one this year?', the pagen replies 'yeah it is, make sure to collect a lot of wood this year', and so the indians begin chopping some wood. They come back later, 'will this be enough?' They ask, 'no you're gonna need at least twice that amount' and so they carry on chopping more wood. He comes back a third time '


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I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried.

Onions was a good dog.

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A lot of people cry when chopping onions, but the trick..

..is to not get emotionally attached.

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What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

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