Choke

Jokes

Why did Princess Peach choke?

Because Mario went down the wrong pipe

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My girlfriend and I were having sex and she said, " Choke me! "

I don't know what to do with the dead body.

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Why did the lion choke to death?

Because he bit off more than he could chew

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Do you want to know how to make a Smurf?

Choke a midget!

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Want to hear a joke?

I fart you choke.

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Wan to hear a joke?

I fart you choke.

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An elephant was walking in the forest and accidentally steps on an ant hill.

All the ants get out in anger and start attacking the elephant. They all climb his legs, make their way into it's snout, climb the tail. The elephant shakes them off, blows his snout and all the ants are back on the ground in confusion. Only one ant remains dangling on the elephant's leg.

Seeing this all the ants on the ground start cheering and start chanting in a choir &qu


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Last night at dinner I thought I saw my father starting to gag.

Turns out it was just another dad choke.

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Why do they call it a rear naked choke?

You might end up naked if you are caught in one.

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I was choking on a piece of steak one night this actually happened

While eating dinner with my family, I started to eat a piece of steak and ended up choking.

I then stood up, with saliva coming out of my mouth, I held my neck and turned red in the face.

I looked over at my parents who were just sitting at the table staring back at me.

I continued to choke and more spit fell onto the floor to which my mom said to me:
<


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Why does Chris Paul eat an all liquid diet?

Because otherwise he would choke.

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Why do crocs have holes in them?

So that children can breathe when they choke on them.

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My coach never wants us to eat before a big game.

He doesn't want us to choke during the game.

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(NSFW) So my girlfriend is crazy horny

And we went out to a restaurant. They brought mints with the check. That gave her the idea that I should have mints instead of pineapple juice, so my cum would taste minty, and my cum would be her end of a meal mints. So I started eating all sorts of mints for a few weeks.

One day we're getting it on and she again asks me to choke her, which she quite enjoys.

Afte


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What do James Harden and Aaron Hernandez have in common?

They both choke under pressure.

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I was annoyed when I was seated near my ex wife at an Indian restaurant. But then she started to choke.

So I guess it’s a naan issue.

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Wjat did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

*choke*

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Day 299 without having sex

I ate two Popeyes biscuits without water so it could choke me

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Knock knock! (who's there?)

Catastrophic Climate Change.

Catastrophic Climate Change Who?

"Oranges" you glad to see me?

(I apologize for my bad joke, but I said this to my friend when were discussing a certain orange President and his recent use of the word "oranges" instead of "origins" while claiming wind turbine noise causes cancer and he almost suffocat


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Dark Joke

I don't like eating Vegetables. I always choke on the wheelchair.

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They came in a pack, he thought he could take them but he bit off more than he could chew.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

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What did the kinky vegetable say to the other vegetable.

You oughta choke me.

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How bad do you want me to choke you on a scale of 1 to Daddy?

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Joke I thought of in bed.

You walk up to your crush and you say “[Her name] i know we don’t talk much, if at all, and this may be a little forward but here goes...”
*takes a deep breath and gets on one knee. Starts to choke up on words*
“[Her name]...”
*pulls out empty wallet*
“Will you money me?”


I’m so tired


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What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

*cough* *choke* *gargle*

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Why were there so many violent crimes in the Joinery and Woodcraft Store?








The place is choke full of mallets.

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What did the kinky lawnmower say to get turned on?

Choke me daddy

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What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

*choke sound*

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What did I tell ya about running while you eat a bag of dicks?

You’re gonna fall and choke on it.

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Why did the woman choke on a blowpop?

She was lollygagging.

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Why is chick fil-a closed on sundays?

They need time to choke their chickens

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Blondes shouldnt eat alphabet soup

Because they always choke on the D

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What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?

Trying to choke the wheel chair down.

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My texts with my mum

Mum: how are you?

Me: -choke choke-

Mum: hang in there!

Me: *dies, then realizes has been dead inside for 15 1/2 years*

Mum: ok honey see you tonight. &lt;3 xOxO

Poor my mum (I would say ‘ur mom’ but we all know that died along with XXXTentacion)

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Why did the 40 year old virgin cross the road?

To choke the chicken

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Our foreman told our crew "If you do work without a work order, I will choke you."

"Can I masturbate while you're choking me?"

"As long as you're facing the other way."

He's a tough nut to crack.

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What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

Choke.

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I think my lawnmower has a fetish...

It always wants me to choke it

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What's the difference between the Argentina national team and a lawnmower?

You can't run the lawnmower on choke for 95 minutes!

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Why did Cinderella choke?

She got to the ball.

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Champions dont choke

Hence why you can never really blow your way to the top.

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I've been fucking this girl lately that likes to call me daddy when I choke her.

And I'm like " mom you're making this weird"

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I swear, if I hear another Gi No Gi Jiu Jitsu Discussion ...

Im going to choke someone.

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What went horribly wrong with this dad joke?

Dad choke.

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What is the opposite of the choke hold in wrestling?

The Heimlich maneuver

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When you mess up a joke's punchline and fail to recover.

The post-joke choke.

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My girlfriend said "choke me daddy".

On my way to the her funeral right now.

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The best blowjobs come from depressed women.

Because they try to choke on them and die.

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Did you hear about the artist who dominated the painting competition but lost to a farmer on the very last painting?

It was an arty-choke.

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I named my pistol Dick

Now i choke on Dick every night

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