Choir

Jokes

I recently started a prison choir.

We don't have many baritones, but we've got plenty of people in the sex offenders register.

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Did you know if you leave a group youre singing with and then come back, they have to give you an Altoid?

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Whats the similarity between my bedroom door and a choir boys asshole?

They are opened without our consent

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A priest and his lost cock

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"There was a young chaplain from King's, who talked about God and such things..."

"But his real desire, was a boy in the choir, with a bottom like jelly on springs."

-Stephen Fry

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Why was the church congregation furious with their priest?

Because he was only preaching to the choir.

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One day a priest went out to his farm to check his hens, but to his surprise there was no rooster! During mass he asked, Has anyone here seen a cock?

All the women stood up.
He then said, “I mean, has anyone got a cock?”
All the men stood up.
He said, “No, no, I mean has anyone seen a cock that does not belong to them?”
Half the women stood up.
“No, no, no, I mean has anyone seen my cock?”
All the choir boys stood up!


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I had a stutter when I was a kid

It was embarrassing and all of the other kids made fun of me for most of my life. Finally, when I was a junior in highschool, my parents sent me to a doctor.
“D-d-doctor”, says I, “p-p-please help me. I h-h-h-have this terrible stutter”
Doc said “Son, I have some bad news for you....your penis is so large, that it has pushed your spleen, liver, stomach, a


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Masturbating

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.

He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why father?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.


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I was at choir practice last night when all the sopranos started laughing.

A bunch of new music had been given out and one of the sopranos had been having trouble keeping it all in order. She had turned to her neighbour and said, "I have to keep my knees together so that the music doesn't fall out".

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Why wasnt the hummingbird allowed in the choir?

He couldn’t learn the words.

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like a choir boy.

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Where do you to hear fish sing?

An A-choir-ium.

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Choir School

Do you know why choir school is hiring?

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What do you call a priest that is only interested in choir boys?

Fucking devoted.

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NSFW A jerk in my choir club

There was this person in my choir club. He was kind of a jerk. He was the kind of guy who tried to spew insults at others, but, they like his actual singing, fell flat.

So there was one day where I just eventually snapped. He said, "WTF, dude," (like the letters. Not the actual things that stood for the letters. He was one of those.)"This song sucks." And I said,


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When the pope brags about the number of choir boys he's met

Weird pontiflex but okay

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The town gossip popped into an Australian bar and asked Anyone hear what cardinal Pell got for sleeping with them choir boys?

A very sad drunk in the back hollered out ‘usually it was two candy bars’

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I'm leading the singing at Keith from the Prodigy's funeral

I'm the choir starter

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I've been asked to lead the singing at Keith Flint's funeral. . .

Im a choir starter.

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I've been asked to lead the singing at Keith Flint's funeral

I'm a choir starter

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as a choir boy

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I like to sing in the choir. I think I'm an Alto!

That's what my Hispanic friends say when I start.

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Why are singers so curious?

Because they are in-choir-ing.

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I made my bookshelves listen to the Red Army Choir...

Now they're booksheviks

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I recently got into choir singing after I broke my knee

Or more specifically, apatella.

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Choir practise

At Christmas’s choir practise. The conductor is unhappy we can’t reach a certain note and says “if you can’t hit that note I’ll explode. Have ever seen a choir master explode before?” The choir boy replies “Yes sir, all over my face.”

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What do you do with a drummer that can't keep a beat?

Take away one stick and make him a conductor.

What do you do if he still can't keep a beat?

Take away his last stick and make him a choir director.

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One morning I called my girlfriend and his father picked "Hello who are you?"

I heard that heavy voice and quickly replied a while "hey Eric where are you the choir is about to begin?" "What choir?" he asked. "Come on Eric stop kidding around and get your ass over here" the father then replied "Sorry im not Eric and I don't know what you are talking about I am dr Stephen" he said. I then said "oh sorry I must have midiale


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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as a choir boy.

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What's every priest's favorite choir song?

"His Coming" in A minor

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When I first joined the Botswana Mens Choir, I was really shy around everyone

But then we all just clicked

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Why can't narcissists ever join choir?

All they sing is mi

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What do you call it when a priest comes on to a choir boy?

Faptism

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My friend was looking for a new tenor for her choir.

Popped out to an ATM to get her just what she needed.

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How do you circumcise a choir boy?

Kick the priest in the jaw.

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A man running from the police runs into the Catholic church and hides in confession box..

Another person enters the other side and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"

The man not wanting to get caught says, "What have you done my daughter?"

She says, "I have had anal sex with my boyfriend, I know sex is for making children, please forgive me . What is my penance?"

The man not knowing what to say, quickly opens


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What disappoints a catholic priest more than a soprano choir boys balls dropping?

Dropping them himself

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What is the difference between a terrorist and a church choir?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

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My girlfriend was in a handbell choir. I couldnt stand it anymore, I had to break up with her.

She was just too one-note.

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An 8 year-old choir boy caught the Catholic priest masturbating

He said, “What are you doing, Father?”

The priest replied, “It’s called masturbating,” the priest replied,

“You’ll be doing it soon.”

“Why, Father?” he asked.

“Because my wrist is killing me.”

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What does someone in a choir say when theyre thinking?

Hymn

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Tonight's 7PM evening service sermon is "What is hell?".

Come early at 5PM and listen to our choir practice.

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How do you give a priest a vasectomy?

You kick the choir boy in the back of the head.

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A symphony is preparing for a concert.

The crowds eagerly await this outdoor performance of the Hallelujah Chorus. However, it's the middle of June, and the heat is terrible. All the flutes, trumpets, and tubas are out of tune. The choir is miserable and sweaty.

Ultimately, they're forced to cancel the performance. It was simply too hot to Handel.


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A catholic choir is composing their own material.

“Sweet Gsus, but I think what we need here is A minor.”

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The choir boys are upset that Pastor's present was unwrapped.

Bur Pastor says there's no need to use a condom because God already tested him, and he passed.

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Masturbating

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.

He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why father?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.


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When I joined the Botswana Men's Choir, at first I was shy around everyone

But then we all just clicked.

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Did you hear about that church choir whose priest sings lead?

They needed someone in A minor.

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