What is it called when you accidentally get a Japanese dignitary pregnant and have no choice but to marry her?
A shogun wedding
What is Thomas Edisons Beverage of Choice?
A Chinese journalist is interviewing a riot officer about the protests occurring in his city.
Journalist: Do you find it difficult to follow orders that may harm the people protesting?
Riot Officer: I do, some of these people are my friends and neighbors. When given such a choice, the only thing I can really do is listen to my heart.
Journalist: And what does your heart say?
Riot Officer: Beat, beat, beat.
Ten Worst Gifts To Buy A Woman
At work, my colleagues have given me the nickname Mr. Compromise.
-Harry, do you really speak language of snakes?
\-Yes, I do.
\-Can you please say something in that language?
\-Make a choice: me or your friends!
Why did New York end up with all the lawyers and Jersey with all the chemical plants?
Jersey had first choice.
When I was born I was given a choice Big Dick or Good Memory
My girlfriend was setting up two factor authentication and it asked for her favorite mobile device.
Apparently "Hitachi wand" isn't a good choice.
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat.
Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."
The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man."
Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of
The female Byleth's (Fire Emblem) choice of fashion was a little more than I can "stomach."
But it's her teachings that really hit me in the gut.
When it comes to abortion, my opinion is divided
If given the choice to save my dog or a human baby, Id save the dog.
Because babies suck.
Being a porn actress is a horrible career choice.
This is actually a true story, when I was 17 I had a choice to study in Canada or the USA. I chose Canada because it was less expensive
In retrospect I dodged a bullet, maybe multiple bullets
At birth I was given a choice
Amazing memory or a huge dick
My ass hurts
At birth I was given a choice.
Amazing memory or a huge dick.
I don’t remember what I picked.
Better Choice on Board
A traveler is served whiskey on a Flight.
The Flight attendant asks the Priest seated next to him, whether he would like a drink too?
Priest: I would rather be raped by a dozen prostitutes than let liquor touch my lips.
Then, the traveler returns the drink saying: Me
They call me the elephant
When I was born I was given the choice between a elephant sized cock or a perfect memory.
They call me the elephant because elephants never forget
My pastor preached today that being gay is a choice.
I just can’t bi into that.
(My first joke at the risk of being downvoted into oblivion because I think that sexual orientation is not a choice.)
At birth i was given a choice
At birth I was given a choice between a magnum dong or the ability to remember every detail of my life I forgot what I picked.
Couches are like cars.
The longer they last rolling down the freeway, you become more confident that your new purchase was a good choice.
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer from the bartender.
As the bartender goes to get the drink, the bowl of peanuts pipes up, "excellent choice, on the beer! A really great decision."
Thinking he is hearing things, the man goes to the bathroom to wash his face.
On his way there, the juke box yells at him, "a goddamn beer? Horrible choice. Only thing worse is that disgusting excuse for a shirt you're wearin
I dated a girl who was obsessed with carpentry. I told her "You have to make a choice: Me or your equipment."
She chose the ladder.
Whats the similarites between foot fetishists and religious people?
To outsiders the passion, choice of belief and actions are highly questionable. Only reason we don't recommend terapy to any individual, is because there are so many of them.
What's a Muslims favorite answer on a multiple choice exam?
D) Allah the above
My vegetarian girlfriend is pro-choice, but only so she can have eggs.
What is the weapon of choice for straight-edge terrorists?
A Molotov Mocktail
Wanna hear an oxymoron? Someone who thinks masturbation is murder, but is also pro-choice.
A Rabbit and a bear are fighting in a forest, when a wizard walks by
He explains to them that if they stop fighting, he will grant them three wishes each.
So of course they stop fighting immediately.
“Right,” said the wizard, “why don't you go first, bear?”
The bear thinks about his first wish for a few seconds and then says, “I wish that every bear in this forest was female!”
Why was Arby's the fast food of choice for MLB legend Hank Aaron?
Well, throughout his career he's always had the RBI.
Today, my ten year old son told me he wanted to be gay when he grew up.
I said to him, "Son, it's not really a choice. You either are gay or not. Regardless, whatever you are, it makes no difference to me."
He looked at me with a frown on his face.
"Hobo, Dad," he said. "I want to be a *hobo."*
Whats a roll of toilet papers drug of choice?
I let my girlfriend choose the movie we watched last night.
I tried to influence her but in the end it was Sophie’s Choice.
No way man, I don't sell out!
Not like the Subway six inch chicken teriyaki made with your choice of fresh ingredients, on your choice of bread.
Promiscuous girls are like Walmarts
A last choice if there isn’t anything cheaper on Amazon
How do you know being gay isn't a choice?
No one would choose to be gay if they are already black.
Being gay is a choice
For bisexual people
Im really torn between the pro life and pro choice debate
On one hand, I love killing babies. On the other hand, I don’t really want women to have choices
What is the weapon of choice for republicans from outer space?
A Ronald Ray Gun.
At my exam on religion I was given a multiple choice question to define atheism
Eventually I checked "none of the above."
On my wedding day, My dad sat me down and had "the talk" with me.
Dad: Son, you will have to make a choice now. You can be right, or you can be happy. But you cannot be both.
I think for a moment
Me: but ever since I can remember, you are always wrong.
End this debate!
Eating meat is an acceptable lifestyle choice. Not eating meat is also an acceptable lifestyle choice. Being vegetarian and eating egg is not an acceptable lifestyle choice. Those who claim to be vegetarian and eat eggs should be electrically tasered & slaughtered in public. Their heads should be hung in all poultry farms across the globe. Their bodies be mutilated and sent thru an
What is Bruce Wayne's drink of choice?
What is a skeleton's weapon of choice?
A bone and marrow.
Bond walks into a bar.
Barkeep: What's you poison of choice tonight?
Mr. Bond: Give me a martini. Shaken, not stirred.
Barkeep: That would take too long. May I suggest some potassium cyanide?
When given a choice between scaffolding and a ladder
I always choose the latter
I havent decided how I feel about abortion yet.
On one hand, I support it because it’s killing babies. On the other, it gives women a choice.
So a man walks into a bar in Mexico and sees a picture of Pancho Villa hanging on the wall. He starts talking to a local bar fly and it turns out this man’s uncle had once met Pancho Villa!
“Once, when my uncle was a young boy, Pancho Villa came riding through his town. My uncle, who was young and stupid at the time, ran up to Pancho Villa and stopped his horse. The hor
He was the perfect choice to be king. Too many irregularities in Westeros and the Seven Kingdoms.
But Bran will keep things regular