I have a bird that lives in my chimney
I was playing golf paired with a chimney sweep the other day. I said to him "Whats your handicap?"
He replied "Central Heating"
How to calculate height of a jew?
Height of chimney divided by speed of wind.
Mom, why does that power plant have such a huge chimney?
It's not a chimney, dear, it's the exhaust of daddy's new Tesla.
Why doesnt Santa claus have any children?
Because he only comes once a year and it's down a chimney.
Some bloke came up to me today and told me I look like a chimney....
I was fuming.
What can go up a chimney down but not down a chimney up?
What did the little chimney say to the big chimney? You can't smoke
I would tell you the joke about the rubbish bin, but it's Trash.
What did mother leaf say to teenager leaf when it started high school? What chloroFORM are you in?
I would tell you the joke about brexit, but it's too long.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favou
Why doesn't Santa have any kids?
He only 'comes' once a year and when he does, it's down a chimney.
A chimney sweep recently won $240,000 in a lottery
This is the largest sweep's take on record.
How much does a chimney cost?
It is on the house.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews?
Santa goes down the chimney, the Jews go up
What is the difference between Santa Claus and a jewsih person?
Santa goes *down* the chimney
Just a little chimney joke to heat up your day
What does the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?
You're too young to smoke!
A man goes to confessions
He says "Oh father I've committed a grave sin and seek repentance"
The priest replies "my son, tell me what you have done and i will ask God to forgive you"
The man says "Father, the sin I've committed is so bad that I can only tell God myself"
The man insists that he must speak to God himself to ask for forgiveness. The priest gets annoyed
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You’re too young to be smoking
It's not right to assume that a janitor can clean your chimney.
You shouldn't make sweeping generalizations.
What is a young Jewish boy doing on top of a chimney??
Waiting for his father
This is from Rabbi Telushkin's "Jewish Humor." I hope you will enjoy the story, but more importantly, the meaning of the story. And the book is terrific, as are all of Rabbi Telushkin's writings.
**Two men Come Down The Same Chimney**
A young man in his mid-twenties knocks on the door of the noted scholar Rabbi Shwartz. “My name is Sean Goldstein,” he says. “I’ve come to you because I wish to study Talmud.”
“Do you know Aramaic?” the rabbi asks.
“No,” replies the young man.
What's the difference between Santa and a Jew?
The direction in the chimney.
Got into a fight with the man who was repairing my chimney. After a while he realized he was in the wrong so he told me:
“Next chimney is on the house”.
What is the difference between a jew and sabra Claus?
Santa goes Down the chimney.
Why were children used as chimney sweepers during the victorian era?
They were the only ones soot-able for that type of job
Why is Santa white?
Because that's the only way to convince people to be happy for a guy to come down their chimney while they slept
Whats the difference between Santa and a Jew?
Santa goes down the chimney
The Jews are the greatest magicians of all time.
Because they are the only one that can go in through the doors and go out through the chimney.
Wanna hear my chimney jokes?
I've got a whole stack of them.
First one is on the house.
Santa is a White person because...
If he was a black person, the moment he gets into someone's chimney he'd be shot dead!
Why wouldn't the blonde go near the fireplace?
Because the chimney had a flue
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.
When I was a teenager I had two habits: smoking and masturbation
I was a 20-a-day lad and I smoked like a chimney.
Why doesnt Santa Claus have kids?
He only came once a year and it was down the chimney.
Dad, is Santa white or black?
Before or after he comes down the chimney?
Why do Santa and Mrs. Clause not have any children?
Because he only comes once a year and when he does it's in the chimney.
What disease does Santa suffer from when he gets stuck in a chimney?
Why does Santa go down a chimney on Christmas?
Because it soots him
(NSFW) Learned this one when I was like 8 or 9.
A really hot woman stays up waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve. Just as she’s about to fall asleep she finally hears footsteps on the roof and seconds later, out pops Santa from the fireplace!
Hi Santa! Will you please stay? I put out cookies for you!
“Ho ho ho! Gotta go, gotta go! Gotta deliver presents to all the children I know!”
What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Holocaust Jew?
Santa Claus is jolly, fat, and goes DOWN the chimney.
Why doesnt Santa Clause have any children ?
Because he only comes once a year and it’s down the chimney .
Why doesnt Santa have any kids?
He only comes once a year, and it’s down a chimney.
Why doesnt Santa Claus have any kids?
Because he only comes once a year, and it’s always down a chimney.
A fireplace and a chimney get into an argument
“You’re an ash hole!”
Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?
Because he cums down the chimney.
What does Santa get when he gets stuck in the chimney?
How did Santa put out the fire?
He *came* down the chimney
What's the difference between being gay and being Anne Frank?
One comes out of the closet, the other comes out of the chimney
Why don't Santa Clause and Mrs. Clause have any children?
Because Santa only comes once a year and it's always down the chimney
What do you get when Santa accidentally goes down the chimney with a lit fire?
Chestnuts roasted over an open fire.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew ?
Santa goes down the chimney.
Just bought a new chimney
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