Chill

Jokes

What's the difference between a badminton birdie and 'Netflix amp chill' on a microfiber couch?

One is a shuttlecock, the other's a cuddle shock

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Me: Im afraid of the cold

Therapist: I see

Me: *SCREAMS*

Therapist chill out!

*SCREAMING INTENSIFIES

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did Bruce Wayne's parents say to the mugger that held them at gunpoint?

Geez, take a Chill pill.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife told me to chill with the dinosaur jokes.

I told her Jurassicing a lot of me.

Yes it is terrible, yes I am a dad and yes ill stop scrolling and go to bed now. Salam my friends.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So I was at a party and I saw a super high man running around the backyard like a maniac

Knowing the host has a 90 lb Shepherd mutt, I yelled out:

“Be careful running around, you might get dog shit on your shoes!”

To which he replied:

“Nah man, this dog is fuckin chill. He’d never shit on my shoes”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My roommate says this place is haunted

She needs to chill it’s just my grandpas ghost so it’s not

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I like fridges more than people.

They are always so chill.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Yall have heard of Netflix and chill, now get ready for

“Prime and Bang”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Netflix and chill

I prefer sodomy and bottoming

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A farmer likes to check on all the animals in his farm

He goes to the horse and asks it what it needs and it says that it doesn’t need anything

The farmer then asks the rest of the animals and they all say that they don’t need anything

The farmer thought he was done with his work and will finally go home and sleep but then he realizes... he has one animal left... the most arrogant

He goes up to it


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I told my dad to chill. He said "I am chill"

I said "I thought you were dad"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

O: I wish for a tail!

Genie: Your wish is granted.

ɑ: Make it longer will you?

Genie: Sure!

q: I said LONGER.

Genie: Chill bruh i’m a wish-granting machine.

@: Ugh where is my tail *at* ?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Keanu Reaves seems like a chill guy who would even let me kill his dog without batting an eye.....

Oh wait!.........fuck!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Refrigerator 2020

Because America needs to chill the fuck out.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her...

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a chill mushroom?

A fun-gi!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Netflix and Chill? now that Disney comes out at the end of the year let's

Disney and get busy

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no thanks, I can't handle high maintenance women

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Devin Nunes needs to chill about the whole Twitter debate thing. It's just an internet troll.

Don't have a cow, man.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Dad got no chill

Son - Dad,did you wanted a boy or a girl
Dad - honestly son, I just wanted to fuck

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Test

Son: Father i failed language test.

Father: YOU ARE NOT MY SON.

Son: Chill Dad it was language test not a DNA test.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I'm getting worried about getting older. My dad died when was only 42.

Then I chill when I remember getting murdered by a hooker isn't genetic.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Have you heard about wim hof?

He really has no chill.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I think the weirdest thing about being dyslexic

Is the look the barista gives you when you add to the spit jar. Like I’m not the one who put it there, Kenlynn, chill out.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the police say to criminals in Chicago?

Chill out guys

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My fridge has an annoying habit to make noise if I leave it open too long

I wish it would just chill

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Nine out of ten doctors agree

The tenth doctor needs to chill out

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A female janitor working at my office asked me if I wanted to chill after work and smoke some weed with her

I said no, I can’t deal with high maintenance women.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You may have heard of Netflix and Chill,

But have you heard of ABC and get the D?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man walks into a bar.

The bartender yells from the back, “Hey, how can I help you!!!!”

The customer said, “take a chill pill”

“Ok, Mr Cosby, I’ll get right on that.”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you call me fat again its all over !!

Chill babe, think about out son ..

What son??

Sooo, your not pregnant ?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you call me fat again its all over !!

Chill babe, think about out son ..

What son??

Sooo, your not pregnant ?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Baes Theorem is P (chill Netflix) P(Netflix chill) P(chill) P(Netflix)

Note: {People who get this} ∩ {People who actually Netflix and chill} = ∅

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call snowmens offspring?

Chill dren.

Credits: snowmen.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Here's a joke about "Netflix and Chill"

One time a guy who feels tired from the heated sun just relax in his living room to watch Netflix from his smartphone and turned on the AC to feel the "Chill" on his body thats why its "Netflix and Chill" Get it ? Because Chill means cool ,and if you want to feel the chill (or cool) just turn on an air conditioner and you feel chilly.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Everyone on this sub needs to chill out about getting upvotes.

I think it would be better if we were all a bit karma

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Netflix and Chill is just a D away from

NETFLIX AND CHILD

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Netflix and Chill is just a D away from

NETFLIX AND CHILD

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When it comes to Netflix and Chill,

They call me Skip Intro.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

No matter what happens, I can't get angry.

I guess I'm terminally chill.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I met up with an angry broken fridge yesterday

It really had no chill

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is the cow equivalent of Netflix and Chill?

Lactose ‘n tolerance

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Top 5 Anime betrayals !

Blizzard - You guys don't have phones ?

EA - Sense of pride and accomplishment.

Apple - Thats not how you hold a phone ! Courage.

United Airlines - Re-accommodate these customers.

Pepsi - Guys, chill with the protests ! Have a Pepsi.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

10 Minutes into Toy Story and Chill

I've already got a friend in me

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My husband asked, "how are we going to find another cat like Mumbles?" I replied, "we will have to get another orangle male. They're nice and chill." His response...

It's a pity that the orange male running the country isn't nice or chill.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

9 out of 10 doctors agree

The other guy should really chill the fuck out.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My fridge started making weird noises

I opened the freezer door and told it to chill out

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An open letter to feminists who think AC is sexist.

Chill out, please.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What comes after Netflix and Chill?

Redbox

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE