Chest

Jokes

Whats the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

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Ive had chronic chest pain and headaches for a while so I went to a family doctor for an X-ray, but he wouldnt help me.

I’m a orphan.

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A blonde with a latte is waiting for the bus.

A brunette and a redhead walk up to the stop, both in athletic wear.

"Oh, *god,* my tennis elbow hurts *so much,*" the brunette says, over-enunciating each word. "I guess that's what I get for playing that doubleheader yesterday."

Not to be outdone, the redhead cries out in anguish. "My turf toe is absolutely *killing* me. I guess that's


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A blonde with a latte is waiting for the bus.

A brunette and a redhead walk up to the stop, both in athletic wear.

"Oh, *god,* my tennis elbow hurts *so much,*" the brunette says, over-enunciating each word. "I guess that's what I get for playing that doubleheader yesterday."

The blonde rolls her eyes, but, not to be outdone, the redhead cries out in anguish. "My turf toe is absolutely *


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The Dwayne Johnson Rule.

I met a feminist in the bar, and she told me about the Dwayne Johnson rule. I should only say things to her that I would be comfortable saying to Dwayne Johnson.

That sounded like a good rule, so I told her:

"Your chest is fucking epic."

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What is it called when you compare glutes and chest muscles?

Ass-Pec Ratio

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I went to my doctor for chest pains and he told me I have low potassium levels..

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What did the trans man say after finally telling his parents about his surgeries?

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Whats the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

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I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.

I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

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Two men were lost in the desert.

As they wandered, desperately looking for food and water they spot a tree and head towards it. As they get closer they can't believe their eyes, every branch of the tree has bacon slices hanging off it. One of them breaks into a run and grabs a slice, but before he can eat it, out of nowhere a volley of arrows hits him in the chest. He stumbles backwards and falls down bleeding to death just


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Guys I need to get something off my chest.

I have this weird mole and I really really need help.

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I need to get this shit off of my chest.

And tell my girlfriend I’m not into the fetish she’s into.

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Ive always wanted to know how many pounds it would take to crush a mans chest and after an accident at work yesterday I finally got my answer.

£51,839

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What did the man say to the dominatrix when he needed a break?

"I gotta get some shit off my chest."

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How do you know Minecraft Steve is interested in a a girl?

He looks at her chest.

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Therapist: So you're saying you finally broke up with your girlfriend who had a scat fetish?

Yes doctor, and I have to say I'm just glad to get all that shit off my chest.

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I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.

I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

###

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What do you call....

...a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and a chest wound?

Still no bloody idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and a chest wound, mating with another deer?

Still no bloody fucking ide


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Ever stepped on a dog. Well I don't have one

Because I stepped on his chest when I came out of bed and he's dead

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I have to tell my girlfriend that i dont like the fetishes shes into...

But first, i need to get some shit off my chest.

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What did the pirate captain say when he caught his first mate hiding a rooster in his treasure chest?

**Get yer cock out of me booty!**

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The wife walked in from work and started a 20 minute rant about her ill fitting bra.

Apparently, she had to get it off her chest.

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It was my first day of second grade...

.. and I was feeling quite confident, because my mom helped me with my addition tables over the summer. As I strutted into the classroom, I spotted a cute girl standing by herself across the classroom. I made way over to her and started chatting her up, until, out of nowhere, a big, buff kid shoved me to the ground. He yelled at me for hitting on his girl, and said he screwed my mom last night. I


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Chest poop

Fetish

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I really need to get this fetish off my chest

And let my gf know I'm not into her shit

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I really need to get a chest fetish...

There’s shit on my girlfriend

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My girlfriend is so disgusting, and has a really wierd fetish

Sorry, just have to get this shit off my chest

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My girlfriend is in a chest, covered in shit

Gross.

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I really need to quit this fettish

And clean the shit out of my girlfriend's chest

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What's the worst part about owning a Corvette?

Trying to keep your chest hair from getting stuck in your gold chain.

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I really need to get this chest off my shit,

And let my fetish know that I don't like the girlfriend she's into.

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I had to get some shit off my chest

When I told my girlfriend I just wasn't into her fetishes

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I really need to stop this fetish

Before i get shit on my chest

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I need to get this fetish off my chest

And tell my girlfriend im not into shit

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I really need to get this off my chest.

There’s shit on my girlfriend.

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I have take my girfriend out of my chest

But first i have to take a shit

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I really need to get this fetish off my chest

I’m tired of my girlfriends shit.

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I really need to get a chest fetish...

There's shit on my girlfriend

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I have to tell my girlfriend that I need to get some shit off my chest...

I don't like the fetish she's into...

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I have to get some shit off my chest

And finally tell my girlfriend that I don't want to take part in her fetish.

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My girlfriend has this weird fetish about taking shits on me.

Chest saying.

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My wife and I really need to have a serious talk about kinks.

There's some shit I need to get off my chest.

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I Really Need to Get this Shit Off My Chest

I hate having to change my newborn’s diaper.

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I think my boyfriend doesnt like my fetish...

He said he had to get some shit off his chest.

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And let my girlfriend know I'm not into this fetish

I really need to get this shit off my chest,

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Repost Joke in different order because that's how this works.

So I have this shit on my chest, then I got my girlfriend off.

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I really need to get this shit off my chest,

and let my girlfriend know I’m not into this fetish.

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I have to tell my girlfriend that I don't like the fetish she's into...

But first I need to get some shit off my chest.

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A classic British football joke

Four British football fans are stranded on an Island, and one of them dies. They decide to eat the body to survive. One of them says "well, I support Manchester united, so I'll have his chest." The second says "well, I support Liverpool, so I'll have his liver". The third Guy says "hmm, I support Arsenal.. But I'm not hungry".


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