Cheering

Jokes

My wife seemed upset when I got home last night, so I tried cheering her up with a joke

But instead of hearing her laugh I heard a guy laughing under the bed.

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Well it's official me and the wife are getting divorced.

She loved season 8 episode 5 of Game of Thrones and was cheering the whole way through.

I have never been angrier in my life, and I can't live with this kind of crazy abuse in my life.

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There's this man walking along a beach and find's a lamp washed up on the shore

He picks up the lamp and a genie pops out.

The genie says you have 3 wishes. But whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get double.

So the man thinks and get says "One million Dollars" and just like that a big bag appears with money inside of it. Then the man hears someone cheering a little ways away, and there is a woman with two big bags of money. He man st


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After a long day at the White House, Trump decided to meet his old friend Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, for a drink.

Trump walks into the bar to find Fudge looking disgruntled. “What’s wrong?” asked Trump.

Fudge looked up and said begrudgingly, “Oh, you know same old, same old. This pesky little wizard keeps saying Voldemort is back. But he’s not! He’s not back!”

Trump rested his hand on Fudge’s shoulder in a reassuring manner. “I k


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1st Prize at the Flower Show

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a Flower Show was in progress. One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring, we never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower Show!"

"You're on!" said the other old lady holding up a $5.00 bill. Th


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The day is the 24th of May, and the pope and a lawyer both die and go to heaven.

They both approach the pearly gates, and the pope arrives first. Standing at the gates is St. Peter. After greeting the pope, St. Peter takes the him on a tour of a heaven. A small crowd awaits on the other side of the gate and cheers as they pass by, the pope is eventually brought to his new house, a large mansion.

St. Peter returns to the gate for the lawyer, and takes him on a to


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A group of jews are lead into the shower. The shower turns on and water comes out. Everyone is cheering and happy, except for little Schlomo. An older man asks him: 'It's water! Why are you not happy?'

Little Schlomo answered: 'Well yes, it is water... But there is no drain!'

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One day johnny brought a horny cock to his farmhouse

Next day it fucked all the hen of the farmhouse.
Next day it got bored with the hens then it fucked all the goat.
Next day it fucked all the cow.
Every animal was afraid of the cock.Johnny was also worried for the other animals but he couldn't stop the cock.
After someday there was no other animal to be fucked then it fucked Johnny.
Next day johnny found the cock


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Was at a comedy show when the comedian says, Give us a cheer if you use Reddit!

-cheering from the crowd-

“Well that was a lot more than expected! Fake ID’s seem to have become way better.”

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Life starts with everyone cheering you when you poop

It goes drastically downhill from there

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The guy who won the lottery

A guy discovers he has won $100,000,000 in a lottery, and after cheering wildly for several minutes, he catches his breath, and says to his wife:

- Pack your bags, honey.

To which the wife replies:

- Should I pack for warm weather or cold weather?

The man smiles, and says:

- I don't care. Pack your bags, and get out!


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Special Hand Job on Olympic

Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...
You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...

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How many NFL Players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but he still needs a Coach, a whole lotta practice, and the rest of the world better be watching and cheering him on.

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A young man decides to kill himself by jumping off a building.

Once he reaches the top, he goes to the edge and sees a homeless old man with no arms jumping, cheering and dancing around on the street. Intrigued by the old man's joy, he comes down the building and asks him.

Young man: "Excuse me, sir. I thought about ending my miserable life today but then I saw you with no arms and homeless yet here you are dancing, cheering and jumping


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Desperate Need of Good Jokes

Basically I've had the shittiest day/month and I could really do with some cheering up.
Hit me with your cheesiest and amazingly bad jokes :-)))

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3 explorers are trecking through the jungle...

Where they bump into a tribe and are promptly knocked unconsious and taken prisoner. They awake and find themselfs in an undiscovered tribes village, a guard watching them realises they are awake and tells the chief. They are all taken up infront of a crowd of the tribes people who seem excited and anxious about this whole thing, the chief simply askes the first explorer:

"Death


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A racist walks into a bar

A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sat in a corner. The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces, “I’m going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over there!” Everybody is clapping and cheering for the racist and when he buys the last pint, the black man turns around, puts his thumb up and says, &ld


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Think I might change my kids name to Worldstar...

So whenever he is in a fight people would be cheering for him.

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A Man Buys Everyone In The Bar A Drink, Except For Him

A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sat in a corner.
The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces,
"I'm going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over there!"
Everybody is clapping and cheering for the racist and when he buys the last pint, the black man turns around,
puts his


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I went to a donkey show once, and I didn't think I would enjoy it , but...

when everyone was cheering and applauding, I really felt like a Broadway star.

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Bar joke

A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sat in a corner. The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces, "I'm going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" Everybody is clapping and cheering for the racist and when he buys the last pint, the black man turns around, puts his thumb up and says, "


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Bar joke

A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sat in a corner. The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces, "I'm going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" Everybody is clapping and cheering for the racist and when he buys the last pint, the black man turns around, puts his thumb up and says, "


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Half of them

In a concentration camp, Hitler yells to the prisoners:

"I'm feeling very good today! So as an act of kindness, I will allow for half of you leave this camp!"

The prisoners were going wild, praising Hitler and thanking him and what not. When they stop cheering, Hitler says:

"HANS! Bring me the chainsaw."


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NSFW A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar...

... the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks."

 

The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?"

 

The guy say


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So me and my paedophile friends have a weekly gathering...

Every week one of us brings a talent down the pub to show the others - this time it was my turn.
I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play.
Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was.
I had no idea what the big deal was, I was just fingering A minor.


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A son comes home to tell his father he had sex for the first time.

The father, proud of his son, decides to take him to his local pub to buy him a beer and celebrate.

When they get there, the father buys everyone a round of drinks, and gets up on the table loudly shouting, "Hey everybody, my son just got laid for the first time!"

The son quietly waited for the cheering to die down before adding, "Yeah, and when my ass stop


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I need your cheesiest jokes (please)

I've had a really awful day and frankly need cheering up. I want to hear your worst, corniest jokes to make me smile.

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John hears a booming voice.

One day John is walking down the street when he hears a booming voice in his head:

"John, Sell your business and your home right now!"

"Who...is that? Is it you oh lord?"

"Do it John! I COMMAND YOU!!!!"

John runs home, and sells his business and home in an hour under a fire-sale price

"Now John"


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Hitler went to Auschwitz one day...

... he gathered all the jews and said: "Today, half of you are going home!"

Everyone started cheering, overflowing with joy at the good news.

Hitler smiled and yelled to his right: "Hans, bring ze chainsaw!"

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Special Hand Job

Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...

You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...

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The legend of Sorry the archer.

An archery contest is taking place, and all the top archers of Europe are in attendance. The final begins, and the three greatest archers must compete in shooting an apple from a little girls head.

The first archer steps up. He draws, and fires an arrow right through the apple. The audience applauds, he bows and proclaims "I am Robin Hood!"

The second archer ste


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The most hilarious Joke Ive ever heard translated for you guys.

A man comes into a bar. He goes to the barkeeper and orders a Beer when he sees a big Jar full of 100$ Bills. He asks the barkeeper: "Why is there a Jar full of money on the counter?" And the Barkeeper responds: "It´s a little Game we have here, you put 100$ into the Jar and then you have to do 3 Tasks. If you win the Jar with all the money in it is yours."


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This guy from over the road......

This guy from over the road was talking to me earlier.

"My wife's just told me she's been having an affair with Dave the milkman," he confided.

"What? That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?"

"Yes," he laughed, cheering up.

"Why would Dave the milkman want to shag that?"


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Once a loud man walks into the bar with an alligator....

He shouts claiming that he is the bravest. He says, "I will put my nuts in this alligator, shut it's mouth on them and I still won't be hurt. And if I can do that now, everyone buys me a free drink, or else I pay for everyone's." The people start cheering. He then proceeds to unzip and places his balls in the alligator's mouth, then grinning snaps the alligator's


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Hey Jokers i need some help....

my friend just broke up with her BF and had to move back home and could really use some cheering up. so please submit some good jokes and this is her first time using reddit so.... best foot forward

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