A physicist sits down at a bar and orders two drinks.
He places one in front of the empty seat next to him, while he slowly consumes the other. Upon finishing, he orders another drink. The bartender notices the untouched beverage and motions to it. "Something wrong with this one?" "No," says the physicist, "that one is for my companion." "Oh," says the bartender. "You are expecting som
Cinderella was being a brat...
Cinderella was being bitchy and bratty days before the ball and it pissed her fairy godmother off something furious. To teach her a lesson, the fairy godmother said;
"Look I'm not going to be heartless. You can go to the ball and dance with Prince Charming, but if you're back ONE MINUTE after midnight, forget the horses and the carriage, 12:01 A.M. your VAGINA will turn
Bring on the limericks
Belinda, a charming young lass Had a most magnificent ass. Twasn't rounded and pink, As you probably think, It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
Today I learned about quarks.
I found them quite charming.
Four strangers find themselves chatting on a bus ride away from New York City
They talk for a while about who they are and why they’re leaving the city. There’s a loud and charming man looking for a new start away from the big city, a contortionist tired of all the hustle and bustle, a quiet girl who gave no explanation on her past, and a woman pregnant with triplets trying to escape a controlling husband.
“Hey!” the charming man exclai
Why are charming pirates always the richest?
Because they get all the booty
I once went out with a charming woman who suffered from chronic yeast infections.
There wasn’t a second date even though she was a fungirl.
Why did Prince Charming urinate on Sleeping Beauty?
To awaken her with true love's piss
Ted Bundy was attractive, charming, intelligent...
He always killed it on a first date.
He wasnt too up nor too down, nor was he too top nor too bottom, and he certainly wasnt too strange nor too charming.
He was really just a Feynman
I took this charming girl out to dinner for our first date...
Towards the end of the meal the waiter motioned to the table and said "let me get this mess out the way for you". "Don't worry" I responded "I've already called her an Uber"....
I'm not sure why I haven't heard from her since...
I'm one of these charming type of drivers...
...that when a beautiful woman on the seat next to me tells me:
"There's no way your car can speed up to 200!"
I will answer:
-There is only one way to find out.
Then I am going to turn on the emergency lights, stop where I will not interfere with the rest of the traffic and check it on Reddit.
After fighting cancer for nearly 20 years , ken finally finds out that he is going to die soon. He calls his wife anna.
Ken: honey, you know that i always loved you since high school. I found that im gonna die soon and I’m afraid that you won’t love anyone else after me. So I want you to date and fall in love with my school friend and my boss david. he is rich, charming
A grandmother said to her grandson,
"The young men of today just aren't as polite and charming as they were when I was young."
He replied, "That's because they aren't trying to fuck you now, Grandma."
Someone keeps calling me...
...and singing 'Stand and Deliver' and 'Prince Charming' down the phone. I keep telling him to fuck off, but he's adamant.
What is Charming than raining Cats amp Dogs...?
Riding on the Motorcycle....
Snow White and Prince Charming got a divorce...
It turned out she was fucking Grumpy all the time.
Forget Prince Charming
Go for the Wolf.
He can see you better, hear you better, and eat you better.
My Gran said to me:Young men of today just arent as polite and charming as they were when I was young."
I had to explain:“That’s because they aren’t trying to fuck you now.” (by Frankie Boyle)
What's sticky and charming?
Cinderella wanted to go to the ball....
....but didn't have all the right gear - suddenly her fairy godmother appears and grants her all her wishes... "But remember deary, be home by midnight, or else your vagina will turn into a pumpkin"... She agrees and goes off to the ball, has a great time and meets Prince Charming....... but he's quite dull, so she mingles a bit more and meets a very handsome young man. "W
A lawyer with wife
A legal advisor was simply awakening from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was perched close by. His eyes rippled transparent said, "You're wonderful!" and after that he nodded off once more. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed close by.
A few minutes after the fact, his eyes vacillated transparent said, "You're charming!" Well, the
Somewhere in an alternative universe
a girl is kissing a frog hoping it turns back into her charming prince
but instead it only turns into the artist formerly known as prince
What do you call a charming tool?
Would a charming vampire be a neck-romancer?
Who is dear amp near friend...
Who's hot... Its U,
Who's Charming... Its U,
Who's Sweetest.. Its U,
Who's Intelligent... Its U,
Who's dear & near friend... Its U,
Who's a liar.. Its me
The Quark joke
Mad they are, the up is not the top. The down is no the bottom, they can be charming but also strange because they only stick to the same sex.
So Michael J. Fox, Tiger Woods and Jamie Foxx run into Nicholas Cage at a charity event...
Everyone was charming and polite, and a considerable amount of money was raised. I believe it was for the benefit of suffering children.
A group of tourists was wandering through the mountains...
A group of tourists was wandering through the mountains. As they strolled they found a cave which was very beautiful yet smelled awful. After walking through it for a half an hour they got out. A shepherd was looking after his sheep at the cave's entrance so they asked him:
"Hello, old man. Can you tell us what's with this cave? It's very impressive and all but wh
Bring on the Limericks!
Belinda, a charming young lass
Had a most magnificent ass.
Twasn't rounded and pink,
As you probably think,
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
My Wife's Advice
So today I got a position as a manager at a local supermarket and I am supposed to give a speech on Monday to my new crew. I was writing up my speech and rehearsing it with my wife when she says "Honey, don't try to be charming, funny, smart, wise, or anything like that. Just be your normal self!"