Charity

Jokes

Here's a fun fact! You'd probably say the same thing in both situations: 1) Family friends make a sizable donation to a charity. 2) The coroner asks you to identify your family's horribly mutilated remains.

"That's kind of them."

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Doing a stand up gig for a charity for people in wheelchairs

Opening line - "If this was a YouTube video the comments would be disabled"

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I was gonna donate some money to an Alzheimers charity

But I forgot.

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I donated money to LGBT charity

Hopefully, they can find a cure

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I donated money to an LGBTQ charity the other day

I really hope they can find a cure

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I won 1,000,000 dollars from the lottery. So I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75 guys?

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What do a charity for sick kids, and a masturbating priest have in common?

They both use the tagline 'think of the children'.

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What do you call an emo hosting a charity event?

Fund razor.

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I recently won $500,000 and decided to give a quarter of it to charity.

I just don’t know what I’m gonna do with the other $499,999.75 though

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I just won 1 million dollars from the lottery. So I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Don’t know what I’m going to do with the remaining $999,999.75 though.

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Why dont crabs donate to charity?

Because they are shellfish

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I did a comedy routine for a paraplegics' charity event once

I got moderate applause, but I was disappointed when I didn't get a standing ovation.

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A wife is clearing out her closet

And she finds loads of clothes to put to the charity shop. The husband walks in and says “just throw them away, there’s no need to put them to the charity shop”

The wife replies “aye there is, there’s starving children in Africa who could need these clothes”

And the husband says “darling if they can fit in your clothes they aren&r


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Charity begins at home

I refuse to give any of my money to the homeless for two reasons.

1) They are just going to spend it on drugs and alcohol.

2) I need it for drugs and alcohol.

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I just got willed 12 million dollars and I've decided to give a quarter of it to charity.

No clue what to do with the other 9 million dollars.

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Every year I organize a patient-relative charity event to benefit Alzheimers research.

I tell the patients to invite their whole family but nobody ever shows up.

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I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, jehovah's witness, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

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If I win $500,000,000 in the lottery, Ill give a quarter to charity

Not sure what I’ll do with the other 499,999,999.75.

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If i won $300000 in charity I'd donate a quarter of it to charity

And then I'll have $225000 left.

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I won $3,000,000 and tried to give 3 quarters of it to charity.

She didn’t have change for a dollar.

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If I won $1.00, I'd give a quarter of it to charity.

Not sure what I would do with the other $.75 though

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If I won $300,000, I'd give a quarter of it to charity.

...I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $299,999.75 though.

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I walk up to my favorite hotdog stand...

...And the dude says "you come here all the time, here's one for free!"

I said "Man, what I look like, a charity case?" I took it, and THREW IT ON THE GROUND!

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Why dont crabs give to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

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A charity puts out an appeal for medical supplies...

The charity, Concern put out an appeal for medical supplies.

Unfortunately nobody at all came forward.

The charity remained surprisingly upbeat about it, later tweeting:
Therr is no gauze for Concern.

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There is a charity that kills 99 of its people

The make a wish foundation

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There is a charity that kills 99 of its people

The make a wish foundation

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I'm holding an charity event for people who can't orgasm.

Please let me know if you can't come.

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I'm holding a charity BBQ for ppl who can't get an orgasm ..

If you can't cum, let me know

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I recently went to a charity banquet.

All of the servers were dwarves, which I thought was cool. Overall the food was great, but they were short staffed.

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Im planning a charity event for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm.

If you can’t come, let me know.

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I did a head shave for charity the other day.

Oh jeez was my wife mad when she woke up.

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Did you hear about the Indian priest who always donated bread to charity?

He was the Naan-Prophet

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I won $3 Milllion on the lottery


I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75 left.

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Im going to a charity even for female amputees this week.

The place is going to be *crawling* with chicks.

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Im going to a charity event for female amputees this weekend

That place is gonna be *crawling* with chicks

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There is a charity run for Alzheimer's awareness next month.

I would go, but I keep forgetting the date.

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Lately I've been giving more money to charity

She's my favorite stripper at the local jiggly hut.

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I got a call from the charity and they said they were raising money to help people with autism.

I said I was already helping people with autism and giving them jobs. It was heard by my employees and now they are offended :(

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A charity worker learnt that there was a rich man who had never donated anything

So this worker went to the rich man's office, and tried to convince him to give to charity.

The rich man folded his arms and replied angrily. "Did you know my sister's husband passed away suddenly? And left behind 4 children for her to raise by herself?"

The charity worker was surprised, "Oh, I didn't know that."

The rich ma


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So a magpie asked me to donate to its charity...

I asked it what it was called, to which it cawed,

“CAW CAW CAW CAW”

“It’s four good caws.”

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A charity worker stopped me and asked me if I wanted to participate in a marathon.

I was about to decline but then he told me it was for disabled kids.

I thought, “why not? I’ll probably win this.”

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I won a million dollars in the lottery! I plan to give a quarter of it to charity.

That'll leave me with $999,999.75 to spend on myself!

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A crow asked me to donate to his charity organisation

Namely "Caw Caw Caw Caw". It was four (a) good caws.

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Let's start a charity that's different then all the others, what do you got?

Ya, how about we give some fucking cars to kids.

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I organized a charity race for blind people yesterday

But there was no one to watch

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Im never again donating a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon.

They just take the money and run.

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I started a charity for blind people to raise enough money to take them bowling.

Yup.

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I would not say that i am ugly

But women have sex with me because it can be deducted on the taxes as charity

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I went to a charity for women with no legs.

The place was crawling with pussy

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