Charged

Jokes

Dont you hate it when your girlfriend has an identical twin and you get confused and then get charged with 12 counts of (indium carbon einsteinium tantalum)

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Melting butter on the stove when the cops broke down the my door.

Charged me with putting a stick in a non-stick pan.

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There I was, waiting to pay for my landscaping materials, when suddenly...

...I was charged for aggregated basalt.

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Girlfriend got pulled over by the police today...

My Girlfriend got pulled over today when she was trying to flick her cigarette butt out the window. As she flicked it, it went up the side of her arm and actually lit her arm hair on fire.

Police charged her with possession of an unlicensed firearm.

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I was caught masterbating on a plane.

I'm being charged with hi-jacking

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An unborn child was charged with a crime it didn't commit and sentenced to death

Both sides argued it was a miscarriage of justice.

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If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, they are resisting a rest.

But if they do fall asleep, you could be charged with a kidnapping.

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Did you hear about the chef that threw salt in a customer's eyes, followed by dumping a bowl of batter over his head?

He got charged with a salt and battering

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A woman found her lover cheating and tried to cut off his penis, but missed and hit his thigh...

she was charged with a misdeweiner.

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A man was arrested for flashing people on a beach

He was later charged with assault using a dead weapon.

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I stole a revolver made out of gelatine.

Once the cops found me I was charged for carrying a congealed weapon.

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A woman came home to find her husband in bed with another woman, she then decided to try to cut off his penis but missed.

She was charged with a misdeweiner

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TIL:Today I learned that prostitutes in the old west charged as little as $1.00 for their services

You really got a bang for your buck!

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A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit".

When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table. Than kicked him in the balls.

He then faced the judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard.”


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My wife just tried to cut off my penis.

Luckily she missed and the cops charged her with a misdewiener.

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The Mortons Girl and the Energizer Rabbit mugged a guy

They were charged for a-salt and battery.

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Did you hear about the ecoterrorist who tried to start another ice age to combat climate change?

They charged him with crimes against humidity.

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I was studying abroad in college.

She called the campus police and had me charged with stalking.

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I was charged with assaulting an officer last week.

I through a salt shaker at him. Next time throw pepper.

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Punched someone in the face dressed as the Duracell Bunny

Got charged with battery

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Did you hear police arrested that alcoholic writer?

They charged him with drinking and scribing

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I cant believe I got charged with impersonating a politician

I just sat there and did nothing

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NSFW So yesterday I went out side and punched a white person, I was charged with assault, today I went outside and punched a black person...

...I was charged with impersonating a police officer.

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So this burglar broke into a house and raided the fridge.

Luckily the police managed to apprehend him and charged him with an ‘ate crime’.

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A Robot gets arrested.

He's charged with battery.

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Kerry Hopkins youre charged with 1st degree murder. How do you plea?

I didn’t murder him I relieved him of his blood with a surprise mechanic. It’s actually quite EthicAl.

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Shoot your shot they said. You'll be okay they said.

I got charged with attempted murder.

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Keanu Reeves was charged in court today

for causing breathing difficulties to people around him

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I asked my Rabbi if he charged for his Circumcision.

He told me no he just keeps the tips.

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Did you hear about the tree that commit crimes against the state?

He was charged with treeson

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I once saw a thief get arrested after they tripped during a police chase.

I hear they were charged with fell on knee.

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Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for refusing to nap?

He was charged with resisting a rest.

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Police arrested two men yesterday.

One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.

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My wife tried to cut off my dick in my sleep....

..but she got me on the thigh instead. She was charged with a misdaweiner.

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What happened to the guy who killed his cat?

He was charged with a feliney.

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A guy was arrested and charged by the police for killing a number of vampires.

Yeah, they've got him on three counts.

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Growing up I was told I can be anyone I want to be

I've just been charged with identity theft.

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My wife tried to cut my junk off.

She missed and cut my thigh. Police came and charged her with a misseddaweiner.

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My best friend's wife caught him cheating

She walked in a caught him in bed with another woman. Without hesitation, she grabbed a knife and stared slashing at him. He almost died when she sliced across his upper/inner thigh, because it nearly cut is femoral artery.

He's in the hospital now. And the police picked her up. She only got charged with a missed a wiener.


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What happened to the thug flashlight?

It was charged with battery.

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A policeman arrested 2 boys yesterday, one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

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A policeman arrested 2 boys yesterday, one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

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Sally was trying to sell sea shells by the sea shore, but the cops put her in jail.

She was charged with possession of conchtraband.

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Have you seen the guy in court charged with having a child sex doll?

He got off with it.

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I was so exhausted last night...

I put my cellphone outside and charged my cat.

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A fella was up in court

This fella was up in court being charged with murder.

The judge says “You are now being charged with battering your wife to death with a hammer”

A voice from the back of the courtroom shouts “You bastard!”

The judge continues “You are also being charged with battering your daughter to death with a hammer”

Agai


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What did the charged electron say to the other protons?

I got my Ion you

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I went to the psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $160.

I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

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Charged for Stealing a Benz

“Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

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"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."

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"Why?" asked the


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Did you hear about the firework and the battery who got in a fight the other night?

Apparently one was charged but the other one was let off..

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